Big city girl about to jump into rural life - or so it feels!!!

[SeaBreezeg]

So I am about to embark on a big life change moving from the city (the only place I’ve ever lived) to the seaside.
I am so excited - idea of new big space (moving to a house 3 times the size of what I’m in now). Very close to the beach, a place I adore! A garden, it will be our home and not rented.
But there is also a part of me that feels like I want to put the breaks on and stay where I am - mainly through fear of losing my job stability and through fear of losing out on the safety of familiarity (I don’t even like where I live now!)
My husband has initiated the move and although we always said we would make the move at some point - now is far sooner than discussed.
The area we are moving to is dreadful (extreme but honest) like most seaside towns it’s struggling - but the beach is beautiful and it’s close to my husbands family whom we visit a lot and I am very close too.
I suppose I feel like apart of me is giving up all my security for his. (And for context he lived in this location when we started dating and moved to the city for me)
Am I being irrational? How do I know what the right thing is? Is there ever a good time to move? I think it feels a lot harder as I don’t have a family nor friends to discuss this with. Feeling a little alone and frightened.

I think that you should think worse case scenario, would you still want to live there if you and DH divorced, because that’s what would happen if you had kids.

Sorry @DustyLee123 what does DH mean?

You should write a novel about your and your family’s hilarious caper of moving out of the city.

Dear Husband- mumsnet acronym!

The area we are moving to is dreadful - in what way!?

It's natural to be nervous

what is the loss of job stability you mentioned?

you don't like where you live now and you're not leaving friends or family behind so it sounds like a change will be a positive?

I have been anxious when I've moved. It's always a big thing to do.

Er, why would you move somewhere dreadful? Do you have kids? What are the schools like? If it’s dreadful will it be easy to find friends?

You're moving to a dreadful place? Is that wise?

You need to give a bit more context tif you want valid reactions.

You say it's dreadful but you say you adore it - what do you mean?

Do you have children?

Will you have to give up your job to move? If so, do you have enough money to do this? And what will you do?
And do you like your in-laws?

If your husband is loaded and lives in eg Northumberland then go you. If you are going to be on your uppers just because he wants to be near mum, have another think.

Well as I mentioned divorce, it it that hard to work out?
Im beginning to wonder if this is real 🤔

Why on earth would you move somewhere dreadful and with no job security? This is bonkers.
What will you do for money, friends, activities, especially in the winter when it's freezing cold and everything is shut?
Sorry to be a bore, but seriously.

Realistically, how often are you going to be in the beach? If you have a dog maybe one walk a day. If you don't, once a week? Max!

What is your job?

I think these are very good reasons to be cautious.

My husband has initiated the move and although we always said we would make the move at some point - now is far sooner than discussed.

this would worry me.

you discussed a potential move at some stage in the future, but now your husband has gone ahead and railroaded the purchase of a new house against your will? Don't you both have to have agreed that, it's no small thing, buying a house in a completely new area.

this makes no sense.

I would approach it like any big life change- make a plan!
I'm sure you know how you will still work, and you mention you are close to your husbands family, but make a further plan for YOUR life.
What hobbies do you have? Can you join a group so you meet people on your own, separate to your husband?
How do you exercise? Can you meet people through this?
How well do you know the area? - can you make a plan to visit all the different neighbourhoods so you know the backstreets and hidden gems.

To feel settled you will need to find new connections to the area. This will be people and places and all those micro interactions we have that make a place feel like home.

Do you currently a house in the city? Is there an danger that once you’ve moved to the seaside you’ll be priced out of ever returning to the city of you want/need to?
How far away is it from your current location? Why the sudden push to move?
It sounds like the move is all on your husbands terms.

I moved from just outside London to Somerset. Here's how it went.

There is plenty of work. People are bright and hard working.

There are no massive Sainsbury's type shops, just smaller ones. But the little shop on the high street does EVERYTHING you need. You don't get this in London.

The countryside is gorgeous in spring and summer. So beautiful it makes your heart glad.

There is no traffic. Look this was, look that way - absolutely nothing.

My social life has improved ten fold. The sense of community is huge.

I wish I'd done it years ago. I'm far happier down here.

Following as we may be in similar position soon! Moved from London when we had a baby to a rural area for just a few years near family to avoid the nursery fees and now considering a move to my native town but by the sea, which has some dreadful bits. But the beach! And family help! Also less work so worry about that too, its a minefield of decisions when you can't have everything on your check list isn't it :(

It sounds lovely......but I'm not a city person and I can't think of anything more awful than being stuck in a city. Or even a town.

To my mind I can only see positives in your post. A bigger house, and it will be your own. Right by the sea....and you have a garden! Not sure if you're a gardener but immersing yourself in making it a lovely outdoor space has so many benefits to your wellbeing.
And you say you're going to be closer to your husband's family who you say you love a lot. That's good too, and a great start for having someone nearby to visit and chat with. They will be the ones who can guide you to places where you might make friends, join groups, meet others and therefore build up a social network of your own, surely?

I'd go for it. But if you're worried about your place in all of this, make some loose plans about what you will do in the future - find a job? Retrain? Build up your own hobby interests? And so on. You will feel more secure when you begin to fit in.

Pros and cons

Pros

• Excitement about the move
• New big space (moving to a house 3 times the size of current size)
• Very close to the beautiful beach
• A garden
• Not rented
• New home is close to husbands family whom you visit a lot

Cons

• Fear of losing job stability
• Fear of losing out on the safety of familiarity
• The move happening too soon

• "The area we are moving to is dreadful" THIS stands out to me. Moving to a dreadful area with a beautiful beach? Why is the area dreadful?

You write
"I suppose I feel like apart of me is giving up all my security for his. (And for context he lived in this location when we started dating and moved to the city for me)".
So he has moved for you. So it kind of makes sense for you to move for him. If you want to.
You also write that you don't even like where you live now. Where would you really like to live?
Do you have a job in your new area?

Can you give this a try, for a few years? Can you return to where you are now if you don't like to live in the new area?

Why is the seaside town so dreadful?