Worried about DH

[Washersaurus]

He is so scary sometimes...

DS2 has D&V again,so DH just went off on one stomping about, moaning how he is always ill - when I told him we just had to deal with it as no use complaining, he started punching himself in the head whilst he was holding DS2

He says he doesnt want to speak to me and that it is all me and that 'he knows what my game is'(he always says this)

tis weird and i'm not sure what to do

sorry about typos have sick baby on lap

[Washersaurus]

My mum is in florida

[VictorianSqualor]

Washersaurus, please don't sweep this under the carpet.
You know something is not quite right, that's why you have posted this thread.

Am I right in thinking that now you've posted it you maybe think you're exaggerating or overreacting? Is this because other people might say you are?

[DragonLowFatSpread]

i wish i knew what to say to help.

You have not made him behave like this, please believe me. I've dealt with my mum's mental health issues my whole life and it took me a long time to realise that it wasn't me.

you can however, get help for you both.
call nhsdirect tomorrow if you don't feel able to tonight.

[blinks]

here is a search page for checking what's available in your area... drop down on 'find service' for mental health, enter postcode and services list is generated.

if in scotland, nhs224 website has a support group/services section

nhs direct/24 are open 24 hours a day so you can try tomorrow

[Washersaurus]

But, am I over-reacting? I've just mentioned it to my mum, and she just said that he is probably just stressed, and moved on quickly to another subject.

[Washersaurus]

Thank you though for responding. I was sat here not knowing what to think.

[VictorianSqualor]

Do you really think the way he acted was the way someone who didn't have any problems would act?
At the very least he has paranoia (thinking you have a 'game'), also, in all seriousness who the hell punches themselves!? Stressed or not stressed, especially whilst holding a child.

[DragonLowFatSpread]

honestly, from what you've said, it sounds more serious than just feeling a bit stressed.
its' the talk of suicide and hitting himself that raises concerns.
i think you should trust your instinct on this one.

little one still asleep?

[Washersaurus]

Yes, DS2 is spark out on my lap now. typical because I haven't got a blanket, or a drink, or any snacks to keep me going

[DragonLowFatSpread]

typical

[DragonLowFatSpread]

are you going to get some sleep yourself?

[Washersaurus]

I don't want to go up to bed really, and DS is settled here for now.

I could do with a cuppa though

[DragonLowFatSpread]

can you sleep in with the kids or on the sofa tonight without too much grief?

[Washersaurus]

I'm trying to stay down here so as not to disturb DS1 really, he really suffers with DS2 not sleeping. He is totally opposite - he loves his bed!

I might be able to move DS2 and sneak up for a blankie

[DragonLowFatSpread]

ok, i'm going to go to bed now too if you're ok.

[Washersaurus]

Ah thank you, you've been really nice, staying up and chatting to me

[VictorianSqualor]

Sleep on it, see how you feel in the morning.
You can always come back and type more and explore your own feelings about what I going on but I urge you to think seriously about his mental health, if this were a lump somewhere or he was bleeding or in pain you wouldn't think twice about getting him the medical help he needed whether he'd thank you for it or not.
Try not to let other people's issues with mental health create a taboo that makes it harder for you if he does need help.
If you ever want to CAT me to talk about it more in depth, feel free to do so, I experienced 10 years of my step-father's illness before I cut contact with both him and my mother and am willign to tell you what he was like if it will help, or just listen if you need to offload.

[DragonLowFatSpread]

ok, let me know if you ever want to chat off the board.
goodnight

[Washersaurus]

Thanks VS, I think I am sort of in denial at the moment. I will see if I can speak to him in the morning - he usually acts as if nothing happened the next day.

[VictorianSqualor]

He may not remember tbh.
When my stepfather was in one of his 'good moods' we could laugh an joke about things with him and he'd be great, I remember once bringing up an incident in which he believed my mother and I had poured fat over the kitchen carpet to 'get at him' even though we had been sat next to him on the sofa when the cat knocked it off the cooker, he had absolutely no idea what we were talking about.

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

This is very, very Not Right. While I don't want to make light of mental illness or be harsh about someone who may be suffering from mental illness, the other possibility is that he is behaving like this to manipulate or control you (the red flag being that he acts like nothing happened the next day). How long have you been together, and how long has this sort of behaviour been going on?
You cannot compel another person to seek medical treatment for physical or mental health issues though if a person starts acting in a way that indicates he/she is a danger to him/herself or others then he/she can be forcibly sectioned and assessed. Does he acknowledge or complain of being stressed/unhappy? If so you might be able to persuade him to go to the doctor. If he claims that he wouldn't do any of it if not for your behaviour, then it's more likely to be abuse than mental illness.

[Washersaurus]

Actually, up until recently I did believe it was a control thing

We have been together since we were 17/18 - which is ohhh ummm 15 years or so

[Washersaurus]

I have posted about his behaviour before - we went through a bad patch financially and he was very controlling with money (I am SAHM), the paranoid stuff is really recent though and it is that that has worried me.

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

Have you recently started asserting yourself, or not putting up with the financial controlling? Financial worries may have triggered a mental health problem or he may be playing the 'Look, I'm mental! DOn't cross me!' card if you have started not obeying when he tried his previous bag of tricks.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Whatever the cause, do you want your DCs thinking this is normal? They will copy his behaviour ...