Worried about DH

[Washersaurus]

He is so scary sometimes...

DS2 has D&V again,so DH just went off on one stomping about, moaning how he is always ill - when I told him we just had to deal with it as no use complaining, he started punching himself in the head whilst he was holding DS2

He says he doesnt want to speak to me and that it is all me and that 'he knows what my game is'(he always says this)

tis weird and i'm not sure what to do

sorry about typos have sick baby on lap

[blinks]

the nhs direct website isn't going to give you specific advice. you really need to call them and speak directly. it is completely confidential and you can remain anonymous if you prefer.

better to tackle DH after you know more about what you're dealing with.

hope DS feeling better.

[DragonLowFatSpread]

ok, glad you're ok.
why not take DS2 off to the GP and take the time to ask the GP about DH's behaviour while you're there?
keep in touch.
I don't mumsnet much during the week, but i'll keep any eye on this thread for your news.
much mumsnetty love
DB

[Washersaurus]

I haven't spoken to DH about it yet . He let me sleep in as I was up all night with DS2. He brought me a cup of tea in bed and got the boys dressed this morning - and not a word has been mentioned about what happened last night; he is carrying on completely as normal.

I have looked at the nhs direct site and still couldn't really say if it is depression/stress etc, or if it is just him being controlling (which he seems to be more and more as time goes on).

I promise that I will try to discuss it with him, although that may not be until we have worked out what on earth is wrong with DS2, with his fortnightly reoccuring bouts of D&V. I'm too tired for arguments at the moment!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my op.

[NewAmazingBeginning]

It isn't your fault.

You are not over reacting.

Your mum probably changed the subject as didn't know what to say.

You can use NHS direct on line and answer questions that way. You still get a reponse -
treat at home
see Gp
call 999

[blinks]

any joy today with advice?

[cheerfulvicky]

His behaviour reminds me a bit of a friend of mine, when he was extremely depressed and suicidal. Only you can tell whether he is being controlling and manipulative or whether he just has some serious mental health issues. However I would add my voice to those who say that such behaviour isn't normal. Sorry I can't be much more help - I hope you are okay.

[NorbertDentressangle]

washeraurus -you are not over-reacting and its not your fault.

Could you make some of the phone calls suggested here when hes at work during the day? It would be a start. If you have some advice and info you could decide what to do next.

I know we've only met the once ( at a MN meet-up, I was Betty then) but I'm only about 8 miles down the road from you so if theres anything I can do please do let me know (I'll just check I've got the right boxes ticked to receive CATs)

Are you coming to the next meet-up?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Whatever the cause, do you want your DCs thinking this is normal? They will copy his behaviour ...

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

Have you recently started asserting yourself, or not putting up with the financial controlling? Financial worries may have triggered a mental health problem or he may be playing the 'Look, I'm mental! DOn't cross me!' card if you have started not obeying when he tried his previous bag of tricks.

[Washersaurus]

I have posted about his behaviour before - we went through a bad patch financially and he was very controlling with money (I am SAHM), the paranoid stuff is really recent though and it is that that has worried me.

[Washersaurus]

Actually, up until recently I did believe it was a control thing

We have been together since we were 17/18 - which is ohhh ummm 15 years or so

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

This is very, very Not Right. While I don't want to make light of mental illness or be harsh about someone who may be suffering from mental illness, the other possibility is that he is behaving like this to manipulate or control you (the red flag being that he acts like nothing happened the next day). How long have you been together, and how long has this sort of behaviour been going on?
You cannot compel another person to seek medical treatment for physical or mental health issues though if a person starts acting in a way that indicates he/she is a danger to him/herself or others then he/she can be forcibly sectioned and assessed. Does he acknowledge or complain of being stressed/unhappy? If so you might be able to persuade him to go to the doctor. If he claims that he wouldn't do any of it if not for your behaviour, then it's more likely to be abuse than mental illness.

[VictorianSqualor]

He may not remember tbh.
When my stepfather was in one of his 'good moods' we could laugh an joke about things with him and he'd be great, I remember once bringing up an incident in which he believed my mother and I had poured fat over the kitchen carpet to 'get at him' even though we had been sat next to him on the sofa when the cat knocked it off the cooker, he had absolutely no idea what we were talking about.

[Washersaurus]

Thanks VS, I think I am sort of in denial at the moment. I will see if I can speak to him in the morning - he usually acts as if nothing happened the next day.

[DragonLowFatSpread]

ok, let me know if you ever want to chat off the board.
goodnight

[VictorianSqualor]

Sleep on it, see how you feel in the morning.
You can always come back and type more and explore your own feelings about what I going on but I urge you to think seriously about his mental health, if this were a lump somewhere or he was bleeding or in pain you wouldn't think twice about getting him the medical help he needed whether he'd thank you for it or not.
Try not to let other people's issues with mental health create a taboo that makes it harder for you if he does need help.
If you ever want to CAT me to talk about it more in depth, feel free to do so, I experienced 10 years of my step-father's illness before I cut contact with both him and my mother and am willign to tell you what he was like if it will help, or just listen if you need to offload.

[Washersaurus]

Ah thank you, you've been really nice, staying up and chatting to me

[DragonLowFatSpread]

ok, i'm going to go to bed now too if you're ok.

[Washersaurus]

I'm trying to stay down here so as not to disturb DS1 really, he really suffers with DS2 not sleeping. He is totally opposite - he loves his bed!

I might be able to move DS2 and sneak up for a blankie

[DragonLowFatSpread]

can you sleep in with the kids or on the sofa tonight without too much grief?

[Washersaurus]

I don't want to go up to bed really, and DS is settled here for now.

I could do with a cuppa though

[DragonLowFatSpread]

are you going to get some sleep yourself?

[DragonLowFatSpread]

typical

[Washersaurus]

Yes, DS2 is spark out on my lap now. typical because I haven't got a blanket, or a drink, or any snacks to keep me going

[DragonLowFatSpread]

honestly, from what you've said, it sounds more serious than just feeling a bit stressed.
its' the talk of suicide and hitting himself that raises concerns.
i think you should trust your instinct on this one.

little one still asleep?