Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some advice.
I’m 29 and have been married to my husband (39) for 18 months, together nearly 7 years. We live together with our two dogs, no children.
Over the past year, I’ve felt myself emotionally distancing from him and am now considering ending the relationship. From his perspective, everything is probably fine, but I feel very differently.
A big issue is his anger. He’s very easily triggered by small things — people’s manners, driving, everyday situations — and this happens daily. While it’s often directed outward, it regularly impacts me too. If he’s in a bad mood, he’ll ignore me completely, sometimes for an entire evening. If dinner isn’t started or he’s had a bad day, I’ll get the silent treatment or a cold reaction. Even on holiday, there were daily periods where he wouldn’t speak to me due to being in a mood, often something minor like being hungry, which would then escalate into tension between us.
Living like this has made me feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. I started dreading coming home, even after long workdays, because I never knew what version of him I’d get. Over time, this really affected me emotionally.
Because of this, I’ve created distance — focusing on work, keeping to myself, and spending less time with him. I’ve realised I actually feel happier this way, which has made me question the relationship even more.
To complicate things, I’ve met someone at the gym who I have a strong connection with — similar mindset, lifestyle, and mutual attraction. It’s highlighted how different my husband and I are. We don’t really feel physically attracted to each other anymore as we are both attracted to a different body type. Ive worked hard to get myself into prime health & fitness and he will roll his eyes and suggest this is vain and my muscles are manly. Meanwhile he does not do any exercise at all (albeit he is very active with work and gardening), and he drinks every night - I do not drink at all. Our intimacy is very limited, probably once every 6-8 weeks. I find myself feeling very awkward in intimate situations as I think I feel inauthentic. I do not feel attractive and I have no sexual desire for him, so it feels weird almost pretending like we do.
That said, my husband is also a good man in many ways — hardworking, generous, and thoughtful — which makes this decision harder.
I feel torn. Part of me thinks I should try therapy, but another part feels that after only 18 months of marriage, maybe this is a sign we are just not right for each other and we shouldnt be forcing it this early on, especially since both of us will want children soon.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking or avoiding the obvious. I’d really appreciate advice, especially on how to approach a conversation about separation when he likely has no idea I feel this way.