A true definition of 'single' and why it kicks ass

[Stratos72]

Capital 'S' 'Single' should be defined as a state in which you're not a) still pining for an ex, b) pining for a particular crush, or c) pining for a relationship generally.

Because let me tell you, it feels fantastic. It feels like what human adulthood is actually meant for.

Nature doesn't give a flying fuck whether you're happy, it only cares that you reproduce. That's why it curses you with overwhelming lust, jealousies, you name it.

And that's why you wake up one morning and your life has become nothing other than a series of reactions and obligations - some of which might be irreversible.

That's why you can intellectually know someone isn't worth your time, doesn't respect you, whatever - yet your 'heart' still leaps when they text.

Nature just wants those damn babies.

Next time you break up, I recommend NOT looking to someone else to fill the void AND until you're truly, undeniably, non-negotiably OVER your ex - if only just to experience the feeling of emancipation and freedom for a while.

You can always get back to the drama then if you want. But at least you'll be doing it with your eyes open.

[MyCatsAreFuckwits]

I completely agree Stratos.

I have been single 3.5 years and I LOVE it. Did take a bit of getting used to after the end of a (not great at all) 19 year relationship.
I absolutely relish in my singledom 🤩
If some spectacular man (he would have to be nothing less) came into my stratosphere I would be open to a relationship.

It's the being at peace with being single that has made me set the bar high. Until then (if ever) , I will just enjoy life. It truly is liberating.

[ScottBakula]

Acting like a starfish in a double bed .
Nuf said !

[Stratos72]

@ScottBakula

Acting like a starfish in a double bed .
Nuf said !

100%! This alone even - I could NEVER go back to sharing a bed.

[cerisepanther73]

Wonderful thread idea,
It's the freedom of just being able to be go off on adventures such as stay in guest house or budget hotel and just chill out and just think of pleasing only yourself,


It's the freedom to not have to think of someone else's needs or feelings,
whilst you are ill 🤒 or just not feeling up to things 100 per cent,

You can just focus on getting better yourself

You can go on well being retreats somewhere in uk or abroad,
if money is an issue,
You could do volunteering at a retreats kitchen or elsewhere connected to this retreat so can go to this type of thing for reduced price or even free

[Stratos72]

Absolutely @cerisepanther73 - I've always loved sitting alone in cafes, travelling on trains alone etc., and always assumed it was a stage, that it was kind of by defininition a temporary thing. But it so wasn't.

[cerisepanther73]

@Stratos72

Its the ability to do quite quirky habits or traits and not to have to worry what your partner thinks or has an opinion 🤔 on,

Whilst their habit which can be irritating as anything you have to think of regard this as being their charming quaint habit,

even though if you did that, or something irritating
they would be quite vocal or by their body language that they found it annoying or got under the skin or is something acceptable etc...

[EVHead]

Hallelujah to that!

[cerisepanther73]

It's the freedom to be able to wear comfy pj all day in your house ,
or
wear whatever you like whithout having to give a jack shit what the other person thinks of this,

[cerisepanther73]

@Stratos72
Typo mistake i meant to say word unacceptable *

[Stratos72]

@cerisepanther73 We're not even just talking about dealing with one person, either.

In my experience, you get together with 'someone new' and immediately, as if you didn't already have enough people in your life to deal with, there's

1. usually their ex still moping/knocking/whatever around, to whom you are of course now the antichrist and deserving of death by a thousand cuts.
   
2. usually people who were hoping to 'get' the person you've 'got' (these can be in your own peer group!) who now also consider you to be the antichrist and deserving of death by a thousand cuts.
   
3. all their family and friends to suddenly deal with, all their rivalries and infighting and whatever.
   
4. etc. etc. etc. 😂

[Dweetfidilove]

I have all the freedoms you do and consider myself single, but have someone to ‘scratch my itch’. Does that count? I hope so, as I haven’t found a toy that does an equally satisfying job.

[Oneblindmouse]

I have been single for 16 years. I love the freedom of it. Not tried OLD. Quite happy being single.
Sure if I met someone wonderful I might consider a relationship but I am not looking for one and wouldn't live with someone again.

[AuntMarch]

I have a child, and realise you may be right because since his dad I've had no interest in the slightest 😂

[Tillybud81]

Sounds amazing, any tips on how to get there? Single for a year now and have had a crush/thing with a guy thats just not right for me but I can't seem to pull away.

I don't want another partner, I like being on my own, can't imagine living with someone again, but I can't seem to get away from wanting this guy, it's infuriating really 😅

[pointythings]

Single for 6 years now and never going back! I have three grown up children, the last of them is temporarily back in the nest for a year but we're definitely more housemates than parent/child and we get on sooooo well! The other two have their own lives.

Yes to starfishing in the bed - and I have CATS!

[YouWontKnowMyName]

ooh, that sounds nice!

Can I ask some questions?

-How long have you been single?
-Do you have a kid(s)?
-Are you (somewhat) attractive, so it’s (somewhat) easy to find dates?


I hope one day I either finally find a partner, or I finally learn to at least be ok with being single.
I’ve always been ugly, so men never gave me any attention / wouldn’t go on any dates.
No change on kids now either, time ran out.
So I I’ve always wondered if it’s easier to like or love being single, if one already did the long-term or marriage thing and had the kids (if they wanted them)?

My single unfortunetly doesn’t kick ass, it sucks ass ☹️

[Stratos72]

@Tillybud81 I hear you. It's the involuntariness of crushes or waiting to get over an ex that I think I've rebelled against the most.

I mean...when I quit smoking, it was with the Allen Carr method, which boils down to fully understanding the simple fact you smoke not for an 'additional' buzz, but to get back to the state of calm you had before you introduced nicotine into your system.

One thing I've realised having nobody 'on my radar' is the simple fact that NOBODY is special or unique in the way your crush is portraying them to you. You're idealising them.

But yes, oh my, it's not easy to snap yourself out if it.

[Stratos72]

@YouWontKnowMyName Okay I'll claim to know what I'm talking about, try giving you some advice, and see what happens 🙂

I've been single seven years now, but I really don't think the amount of time is key - it's how free you are of all the pining.

No kids, which is another thing I've been utterly sure of since I was a kid myself. But again, I've come close because nature makes this stuff feel like it's all that matters and when you're in the rabbit hole, it's hard to get out.

As for attractiveness, I have all my own insecurities, but have on the other hand experienced - as I say in the post - 'getting' the guy 'everyone' wanted a few times, and have therefore seen well behind that particular curtain.

Apart from anything else, people don't show their true personalities until about three months in. It's like Celebrity Big Brother - people can't keep up the charm indefinitely.

And look, don't ever call yourself ugly. I've often been very inspired by French women. In Paris you'll see women with hugely unconventional looks but who take great care of the fundamentals - get to the weight they want, spend what they want on great hair and skin, fix their teeth, wear great clothes etc. - and they look fantastic and enjoy themselves as much as anybody else.

As for enjoying being single more if you've 'been around the block' more :)...believe me when I tell you that relationship memories can be some of the worst of your life, and there's no getting rid of them. It's not like being caught in an earthquake or car crash, someone DID something to you - and there's no 'relationship police' to go to; it's anarchy out there!

I don't know if that helps, but I hope so.

[BWSS]

@Stratos72

100%! This alone even - I could NEVER go back to sharing a bed.

I’m married and won’t share a bed 😂

[Carouselfish]

Love this post, although there's a small bit of pining for a very very long ago ex but realistically I know how much of a drain it would have been to keep it going all these years. And that I more miss the idea of what they were.
Single is not revolving your life around someone else's ideas, needs and approval. I have children but don't consider their needs a problem, I am happy fulfilling them without demanding back in the same way I would a partner.
It's not feeling insecure because they haven't reacted to something in the exact way I would react.
It's not dealing with a stupid penis.
It's not worrying about another person's perception of me romantically, physically.
It is not taking on anyone else's spending problems.

[honeyfox]

I spent most of my adult life single and thoroughly enjoyed it. I ate alone, went to gigs, travelled alone and had a great time. Then I found this guy at work who I'd been friends with for ages....

Luckily I can still do what I want pretty much.

[unsync]

I love being Single. Seven years this year. I had counselling from Women's Aid after my shitshow of a marriage ended and my eyes have been opened. Boundaries are in place and standards are raised. I am never going to have a romantic (for want of a better word) relationship with a man again.

Another dog though, absolutely 💯 That's the only farting, snoring creature that will be allowed in my bed.

[cerisepanther73]

It's the freedom of not being with someone who confuses "intimacy, for something else,
when you just want a cuddle hug a kiss a massage
whithout expections of having to be up for something else in the bedroom,


When you feel 😫 exhausted after running 🏃‍♂️ run 🏃‍♀️ around the kids children and doing the housework ect,

[murphys]

Absolutely OP. Seven years and Single here too.

For a mad moment towards the end of last year I had a thought of going back on Tinder (just for a peek of who is who is the zoo) but thankfully that feeling had passed by the next day. That night I sat and thought about if that was really what I wanted to do, or was I just bored. Then I thought of snoring, fatting, sharing, having to have those conversations and plan things, and realised, yip I was just bored.

I have no plans to change my Single status.

[cerisepanther73]

Its the freedom of just being able to be yourself,
that you are jusf enough,

not perfect obviously 🙄


It's the freedom to be able to invite friends around to your place,
whithout any judgement comments about them or belitting joke shitty man's putdowns about yourself in front of friends or family,

Just cause he feels inadequate insecure about himself, compared to other people

Classic small penis arsehole shitty men syndrome,
the more of shitty put downs comments the more they are doing it to feel better about themselves as they know
if they stopped putting you down,
your low self esteem would sooner or later would recover and you would wise up and realise sooner that you are better whithout these types,