What got you through your breakup?

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

NC for this. Recently ended a LTR with a partner whom I'm currently in the process of trying to buy out (Still living together).

I haven't been heartbroken since I was 17! So all these emotions feel so raw to me and my precious breakup took me 3 years to get over because it ended so drastically (Christmas Day).

As it's my decision, I'm hoping it won't be half as bad as my previous experience but I'm going to have to live on my own for the first time and accept losing mutual friends.

How on earth am I going to cope?

Crime novels (couldn't stomach anything about love) and following asleep to guided meditations about recovery.

I too had to live with ex for quite a while after while we wrangled over finances . You have my sympathy.

What helped me:

Making my room a sanctuary - lovely bed linen, lots of blankets and cosy vibes, candles, tea station, TV etc so I could go in and shut the door (had an en-suite too luckily!)

Exercise/getting out and walking - yoga helped me enormously, could switch my mind off during yoga.

Got into cross stitch which helped calm my mind during evenings

Being prepared - paperwork etc

Trying to get away regularly to friends/family or other trips

Trying not to be too hard on myself - whenever I was down kind of talking to myself in my head to remind me that it wasn't me personally, it was just a set of shit circumstances handed to me by my ex and I was doing my best IYSWIM!

Also had DD which of course kept me going, had to put on a brave face first her, so so difficult though.

The gym, tennis, friends,long walks in places I'd never been before, and my cats. Also new friends and reconnecting with old friends that I'd lost touch with.

The first year was hard as we still lived in the same house (I wouldn't advise anyone do that) whilst we tried to sell it. After that it was everything mentioned above.

6 years later I'm happy and content, I'm loving life right now (although i do get a tad lonely at times).

They really do seem similar!

Is there a reason he's so anti communicating about stuff? Has he had a previous relationship which was quite fiery or something? Nobody likes arguing I get that but we're human, we bicker, things annoy us but it's how we resolve it and respond that matters. It's worrying he hears that when you're not saying it.
I hate it when men say the 'I don't do drama' line, frustrated me so much as if me explaining my feelings was drama for him.

100000% agree about the aftermath,
If our arguments were handled with good communication and then resolving them not sweeping them under the carpet they probably wouldn't of happened again, but it was always the same things.
Do you feel like you're treading on eggshells after?

My ex was in the middle of a very messy divorce and I think I was just used to distract from that but when stuff got real and our honeymoon phase wore off and things did happen he couldn't handle it again.

Too add - trash TV like that selling sunset, or housewives, GBBO, pottery throwdown etc - nothing too challenging like heavy dramas or lovey stuff because I had enough of my own heavy emotions! They really gave my mind a break.

Yes to trashy TV
schitts creek was my go to !

i also think that getting to a place of acceptance is critical
for such a long time i demonised him and made up horrible scenarios in my head

stories that turned me into a (fat ! Old ! Undesirable !) reject and him into some kind of stud attracting women left right and Center

only recently have I realised that he did the right thing walking away , he wasn’t treating me as i deserve and he’s a tormented soul

and despite all I have much to be grateful for