How do you make friends at 50?

[NCTDN]

So i feel like I'm into a new chapter of my life. Daughter at uni, I work part time and dh works full time.
I've realised though that I'm lonely. I have work colleagues and friends from my children's friends parents. But no actual close close friends. My best friend moved abroad 10 years ago and since then I've felt in limbo. I crave those people who go on holidays together as couples and world love to do this, but life hasn't worked out like that so far.
DH is content but quite a loner. He had a sport hobby which he does with others, but they are more acquaintances rather than what I would class as friends.
I'm not that mobile to do sport activities to meet people that way, but then things like the WI round here are much older than me.
I read a post on here where someone was told she needed new friends, but my question is how?

I think it’s worth considering an adjustment in expectations …

In our childhood / youth / young adulthood we make friends because we’re thrown together and have large parts of our lives in common - school, university, first jobs. And during that time it’s easy to develop those ‘Friends’ type friendships. We have time and leisure and lots of exciting new things happening that require endless sharing. And no responsibilities.

After that … People splinter off into serious relationships, family building - or not, maybe we face worries and stresses that aren’t so easy to share. People become far more closed off from each other and simply are not going to invite a new person to call them any time, day or night.

But we still need close human connections. In my experience one way to engineer these is to throw yourself into some intensive, shared endeavour with other people who are equally engaged in the project. Going for a run isn’t enough - it’s all about individuals. So … join a course where you make a garden, put on a play, build a house. Something where you all feel compelled to communicate about the project, not yourselves. It’s not what one thinks of as friendship - but it can be even more rewarding.

How old are you? WI age range here is mostly over 50 here, but also some in their late 30s and many 40s. I know that because my friend joined in her late 30s, and by all accounts it's not just baking and jam making.

Don't write off the WI, I've been a member for years (joined at 40) and many are set up for 'younger' women. But also don't assume that you can only be friends with people your own age ... I have friends from all sorts of ages, they all add something to my life and I hope I add something to their's.

Concentrate on your interests and hobbies ... that way you will meet like minded people, they may become friends or they may remain pleasant acquaintances but at least you will be doing things you enjoy. I've moved a lot but I find it ridiculously easy to make friends because I get involved in things .. I join groups, volunteer, get involved in the community etc etc.

Well said @CapaciousHag I agree.

I do exercise classes, and I think if you were looking for friendships it might take some effort, though I think that environment is good for connections and so useful if you're very lonely. Though that might just be me. I can occasionally be persuaded to go for end of year drinks/coffee but personally I attend to relax, exercise and am not interested in making anything beyond polite acquaintances. And there's a huge turnover of people in that sort of class, or at least I've found.

Sorry I've just found how old you are. It was in the title, apparently

Thanks everyone. I've sent the local wi area group a message, having read an article online about some having younger members. I just know my most local of people in my mums age range because I see them going in as I leave from something else.
I don't want to invade younger people's activities though.
Never heard of the meet up app so now got that and searching for ideas on there.

@Ragwort how could I find out the ones with younger members?

Join stuff. Do stuff.
WI
Rotary Club
Lions Club International (both of these are quite community/humanitarian focused networking groups)
Leader for Guides/Brownies/Scouts
Volunteer for something - shop, Age UK, community building, reading in schools.
Follow a hobby or interest.
Take a class..

U3A maybe?.

WI is nothing about jam ,in the 3 years I've been going no one has even mentioned jam.

The one I go to is mainly under 60s and held in the evening as most people are still working.

Don't write it off if it is older women, they are just like you but with more experience.

The next two events at my local one are jams and chutneys, then the next one is Welsh souvenirs

I moved countries at 54. I have made friends by joining groups, going out to coffee meetups, and mostly through gardening groups and giving away and swapping seeds and plant starts.

Our local FB pages are full of activities that you can join in, from choirs to nature conservation to book groups.

I attend exercise classes but haven't made friends beyond a bit of chat at the end and that's usually only if I know them from somewhere else previously eg school gate from years ago. We have a local independent book/coffee shop which hosts book clubs, meet-ups for different groups, talks by authors, board game evenings and has a noticeboard full of similar things. Our community centre likewise has all sorts going on. Rock choir seems very popular and sociable. as does the local theatre group.

The other thing I do is crochet - there are various local craft groups, unfortunately most run during the working day, there are some in the evenings though.

Oh shame, the next one is at mine is gin tasting and the one after is a trip to London.

Maybe look at others,there are loads of groups.

Choir
Walking /nordic walking
Local volunteering for any amenity

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor where in the country are you?

Going to say this. I started in September and my social life now is very lively. Admittedly we play bridge but we often stay and have a few drinks and a long chat. I am also in my fifties and most are older than me but not a consideration. They are great fun for the most part.Since we play in the day most people are going to be retired. I do really enjoy bridge though as poster quoted said.

I'm 52, married (to a massive introvert who thrives on not having friends! ), 2 teens , work pt. In the last few years I've met friends:
Outdoor swimming group
Cycling group
Walking group
"friends" of ds's orchestra
Village litter picking/conservation group
A couple of work friendships have become more friendly out of work.

I was a Cub leader - but felt that I didn't have the time anymore, particularly since my children were no longer Cubs!

Find a suitable WI, not necessarily your nearest. I'm out at least once a week with mine.

What about parent friends of past? You all are getting older together?

Neighbours? Not all of them clearly but the odd house or two are usually ok.

Is there a local coronation celebration? It is supposed to be the coming together event of the decade.

I'm the same age and stage OP and also finding it hard (even more so as I work full time so never available in the day time). I find that the clubs locally are either full of retired people or people who are much younger and, whilst having nothing against them, I feel out of place and that I have less in common more my own age.

I agree I don't know how you meet people at exercise classes - I've been to lots and everyone has vanished with in a minute of the class ending so you can't really talk.

So, I don't know the answer, but watching with interest.

That's what I've been looking at this morning, though not sure how to know which one is more suitable?

@redskylight I'm glad it's not just me but I do agree that it's easy to feel out of place isn't it?
I'd have expected to find more locally than I have tbh.

I have to say that I'm very extrovert and socialise a lot / belong to a lot pf groups but the thought of going on holiday with another couple does not appeal to me at all. I do have a lot of friends but they are not really super close ones, even though some of us date back to our college days. I am spread too thinly I guess. Not sure how I feel about that. I see a lot of friends occasionally rather than the same few frequently, DH is the other way round.

So I would say be wary of spreading yourself too thinly by trying lots of different things, one at a time perhaps.