I don't even really know how much to write.
It has became apparent over the years that my husband is very likely autistic. Our own and close family members children have been diagnosed over recent years and this has brought out conversations about his childhood and how he behaves when we are going through times of stress or things aren't going as he expects them to.
Nowadays when things are causing him stress he will swear at me & be pretty vocal which I have repeatedly explained is not an acceptable way to speak to me.
I have tried to talk to him about this and he either tells me no one understands him, refuses to speak to me all together or it is my fault as over the last few years I have been diagnosed with a health condition that causes me a lot of pain that can restrict what I can do.
To give context though I do all our childrens drop off's and pick up's , deal with the never ending admin and apps of parenting kids with additional needs and I try my best to do the house work I can.
He's now been on the sofa for 3 nights as he came home to me on a telephone call so I moved to another room closing the door behind me ( I did tell him it was an important call ). As I was ending the call one he and one of my children came into the room. He was organising dinner I said I had an important email to send about the call I will be down shortly. He said he wanted to speak to me so I said he'd need to wait a few mins until I was finished to avoid me forgetting what I was to write. Anyways a few mins on he then started saying how long now so I suggested he go back downstairs and I'll come down when finished. He then swore at me and said I was unacceptable he won't be making me dinner ever again because I treat him like a skivvy. After finishing I went down and he was ranting about it I explained that I hadn't asked for him to make me dinner and I have explained swearing is not acceptable I was doing an important job that could not wait.
I openly acknowledge my health condition can make life harder at times and that yes parenting children with additional needs can be tough at times but that's not everyday.
He never apologises ever as he never sees himself in the wrong. He has now been on the sofa since and out with conversations about the children he hasn't spoke to me since.
I've tried to sit down and speak to him which generally results in him either refusing or accusing me of being a rubbish wife. I've suggested counselling which he refuses and I've suggested maybe he should speak to the Dr about his outbursts which he also refuses. I do not sit there and blame him for everything I ask him to speak to me about what he is feeling etc and openly acknowledge that our lives can be difficult at times.
Has anyone else dealt with this type of behaviour and managed to work to resolve it.