My dad is becoming a dad again at 70

[viennisewhirl]

For what it's worth, I'm not one to judge other people's relationships and you love who you love, ok. My husband is 14 years older than myself and I know how it feels for people to comment and judge that. But I just can't wrap my head around this, he's still married to my mum. They've not gone on for as long as I can remember, but they stayed married and living together (albeit very separately in a big house). Mum is just upset because she wanted it to stay that way and doesn't want to start again by herself in old age but says she has no feeling towards him being with other people despite that.
It's just all so weird! The woman he has gotten pregnant is 45 and apparently it was a big shock at her age as she didn't think she could have kids but she wants to have the baby and he wants to 'do the right thing' and be with her (funnily enough the exact same reason he married my mum!)

Not entirely sure how to process this whole thing? Has anyone had this? It's just surreal to be honest. I'm a few weeks off having my second child so he's going to have a baby younger than this grandchild.

[oakleaffy]

My main concern would be ''Complications'' with the baby.
45 for a woman and 70 for a man is pushing it in anyone's books.
It's said that older fathers increase the risk of certain conditions in children that are not particularly easy to care for, But two 'Older' parents means a double dose of older eggs and sperm.

[AlwaysFoldingWashing]

I'm really sorry you're in this situation, hope you and your mum can support each other through it. Sending love

[reallyworriedjobhunter]

I know someone who this happened to and I felt very sorry for the little child.

I knew one of the much older half siblings. There are three of them.

It totally changed the dynamic between her and her Dad who rarely saw his new child as he was in poor health and died shortly afterwards. I think all the conflict with his first three children and the baby's Mum contributed tbh.

My acquaintance really struggled at first with building a relationship with her new half sibling and was really angry about the whole situation.

They are very wealthy, trust funds etc, and his will left everything to the three half siblings. The siblings made him set it up like that as they thought that the baby's mother wanted his money.

Awful all round.

[Lollypop701]

Never mind your dad, if your mum passes your dad potentially gets the lot and could leave it all to his new family. If I were your mum I would be haunting him if that happened

[Thighdentitycrisis]

It will be very sad for the child to lose a parent a a young age. at the end of the day, that will be a little boy or girl without a father, try not to let them suffer for that

[Mirabai]

By the sounds of it this lady will essentially be a SM and your dad will continue living with your mum.

[NameChangeLifeChange]

OP what a weird and horrible situation. That poor child. Your poor mum. Two rather selfish people (more your father really) creating havoc. Crazy!

[tillytoodles1]

My friends husband has a brother who 12 yrs younger than his youngest child. His dad remarried a woman younger than his own kids and they had a baby when he was almost 70. He died when the child was 5 and everything that should have gone to his children from his first marriage went to his new wife and child instead.

[Meklk]

I don't think someone would say a word if he would be 50,and she 25. If she has a good health - why not? 45 is not a pensioner.

[allfurcoatnoknickers]

This has happened to my DH - his dad is 65 and on his third wife, who's 44. They have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and it's a constant source of stress and tension. Not least because they're always short of cash "D"FIL has asked DH to bail him out on more than one occasion, and he also can't afford to retire even though he's not in great health, he'll basically be working until he drops.

Step-MIL in law is also an absolutely vile individual who no one likes. My DS is 3, and I have another on the way and she constantly treats our children like they're in some kind of mad competition that she's determined her kids will "win". That could be any family member, but it's an extra source of tension when it's your step-MIL.

Honestly, I feel for the kids - they've got a horrible mother, and a worn out father who only sees them at the weekends, and then he's too exhausted to do anything and they're always bickering about money and trying to scrape more cash together.

[FortSalem86]

@emptythelitterbox

poor child.
so irresponsible of him.

Takes two to tango. What about her?

[Northernlurker]

I would be unimpressed. He needs to sort his will out, as does your mum.

[viennisewhirl]

To be honest the last few years we've been worried about him with covid going on, his diabetes that he does basically nothing about and there's been moments where we've been questioning if he's starting to, well age I guess and maybe some decline? Things like refusing to eat things he'd usually eat, getting very fussy about textures and temperatures, putting meals that have been cooked for him straight in the bin and just things that were unusual for him, we've all been sort of prepared to have to step up for mum more and that something could happen so for him to now be having a baby is just staggering.

He was 6 of us already, the eldest few are very low due to his behaviour in the past, so there's only a couple of us that step in to help our parents anyway so it's just an awkward situation to be in. We're all aged between 27-42!

[viennisewhirl]

He has 6 of us, the eldest few are very low contact* That should say

[Cuppasoupmonster]

OMG they have a combined age of 115! I’m stunned it even happened to start with if I’m honest. But, well, not much to be done. Support your mum, see the kid if you want to. My concern would be that if anything happened to the mum you would be expected to step in and raise this child.

[BCBird]

Yes the term.irresponsible is for both of them.

[Slig]

My dad had a kid at that age. The kid is younger than mine.

I've never met the kid, don't want to either.

My dad is now got laid up in a care home with dementia. Kid was 8 when he was admitted, they must be 15 now. Poor thing.

I wrote a post on here at the time saying I didn't want to meet the kid. Got absolutely slated. 🙄

Not the innocents baby's fault etc etc.

Yeah but not my fault/problem either. I got a coupe of texts from my dad telling me how amazing the kid was. Yeah dad you have 2 amazing grandkids and older kids (me included) that you can't be assed with! Didn't text that, just ignored his texts.

Have still not met the kid, although if they do seek me out in the future I would not make them unwelcome.

Definitely was the right decision for me.

[Mariposista]

Feel desperately sorry for you and your mum. How selfish he is!

[getoutoftown]

Didn't Des O'Connor have a kid in his 70's?

[butterfliedtwo]

That's just so selfish.

[viennisewhirl]

@Slig

My dad had a kid at that age. The kid is younger than mine.

I've never met the kid, don't want to either.

My dad is now got laid up in a care home with dementia. Kid was 8 when he was admitted, they must be 15 now. Poor thing.

I wrote a post on here at the time saying I didn't want to meet the kid. Got absolutely slated. 🙄

Not the innocents baby's fault etc etc.

Yeah but not my fault/problem either. I got a coupe of texts from my dad telling me how amazing the kid was. Yeah dad you have 2 amazing grandkids and older kids (me included) that you can't be assed with! Didn't text that, just ignored his texts.

Have still not met the kid, although if they do seek me out in the future I would not make them unwelcome.

Definitely was the right decision for me.

Thank you for sharing that, it's helpful to hear from someone who's been through it. I'm sorry that happened to you - it's just unbelievable isn't it?

I can't pretend I'm overly keen on the idea of being around the child to be honest, especially with how close they will be in age to my baby due soon. They could grow up practically like siblings which just makes me so uncomfortable given the circumstances. I'd prefer to keep a large distance myself if I'm honest

[2catsandhappy]

Just going to ask, is dad-to-be, absolutely certain that the pregnancy is his doing? No offence intended!

[MsPincher]

@Fattoushi

I wouldn't have anything to do with him or his new family. It's got disaster written all over it, never mind the major ick factor.

That’s really unfair to the child though. Someone close to me is a half sister of much older brothers. They would dearly love a relationship but their brothers seem to blame them for their father (who died before they were adults) actions.

it is icky but a child and a brother or sister is a person who is innocent in all of this. Also tbh your parents sound like they are separated so nothing is technically wrong. But it’s icky I agree.

[Koolandthegang]

getoutoftown · Today 21:11
Didn't Des O'Connor have a kid in his 70's

And John Humphries I believe..
shudder….

[Mumoftwoinprimary]

@BCBird

Yes the term.irresponsible is for both of them.

To be fair to them both - if she is 45 and has never been able to get pregnant then they probably didn’t think “ah ha! A 70 year old man! His swimmers will be able to do the job!”