To reach out to ex best friend years after a huge fall out?

[fifitheflowerpot]

Had a fall out with my best friend when we were both at uni. This was 3 years ago. Prior to this we’d been best friends since we were 16 and she really was a great friend. My memories with her are probably the happiest I’ve ever felt (cringe I know!)

When she got her first boyfriend the dynamic changed and we stopped seeing each other so frequently as all her free time was spent with him and she began to let me down on plans. We ended up in a drunken argument and nasty things were said on both sides- namecalling insults etc. We blocked each other on all socials and that was the end of the friendship.

The combination of moving back to my hometown recently and photo memories of us coming up on my phone has made me reflect a lot. I feel really guilty about some of the things I said and sad how our friendship ended.

Would it be weird for me to message her and apologise? I’m not going in with expectations we will be friends again as I seriously doubt that will happen but I just wanted to reach out to say I’m sad how our friendship ended and say sorry?

Would this be really strange? Do I leave this in the past?

Send the message on Facebook! I've always been notified if someone messages who isn't a friend - it's not as bad as it used to be when it would go into hidden folders.

I bet she misses you too. Do it

I've had this happen with THREE close friends over the past 40-odd years, and every time it was to do with the dynamics changing when one of us got into a romantic relationship.These can be tricky waters to navigate e.g. feelings of being left out/low priority, tastes/habits changing, and even frank dislike of the partner. In all three cases we just agreed to let it all drop because there was so much weird conflict that we couldn't really understand or control. And in all three cases, we picked up a few years later like nothing had happened, and it was fine. Good luck OP! I'm sure she has missed you too and, if she was truly a good friend, has also regretted your falling out. Time really can be a great healer.

OP I believe if it's an old number it wouldn't be linked to a live phone any longer and therefore no picture would appear. My what's app picture is 3 years old.

Stalk her a bit on it and you will see if she is on line and using it.

No it’s a good thing to do -

I’d start by reflecting on how much you valued the friendship, and then apologise for your part, and say you are sorry it ended as it did.

Whether she comes back or not, it’s a good thing to do. If the friendship picks up again, that’s great but take it slowly, you are the age where people change a lot, so while it might well pick up if you are both up for that, it will inevitably be different.

Definitely message her. She'll either be up for rekindling the friendship, which would be lovely, or she'll brush you off and at least you'll have closure and peace of mind that you apologised.
Go for it!

I think it's a lovely thing to do. I have the greatest respect for anybody that can say sorry.

Forgot to say. I've a very old female friend. We had a falling out this summer. I rang her up after a few weeks and we were back to normal.

Let us know how it goes! I'm always for this kind of thing, so good luck. Just have no expectations. Your relationship likely won't be the same, or be able to continue where it left off. I reconnected with one of my best friends from uni a couple of years ago. We stayed close for years after uni but fell out after her ex spent a whole weekend away mocking my accent... we now chat from time to time but she's moved back to her home area, has a whole new close clique of friends through a sports club she's now involved with, and her politics have changed quite a bit too. It's nice to have cleared the air though.

find a picture from a time you both where having a great time together, send that to her with a "found this and coudnt stop laughing at the fun times we used to have" note on it. then wait and see what happens if you hear nothing for a few weeks then send one final message of fancy meeting up for a coffee sometime? if nothing comes back then your friend isnt ready to rekindle anything

@Luredbyapomegranate

No it’s a good thing to do -

I’d start by reflecting on how much you valued the friendship, and then apologise for your part, and say you are sorry it ended as it did.

Whether she comes back or not, it’s a good thing to do. If the friendship picks up again, that’s great but take it slowly, you are the age where people change a lot, so while it might well pick up if you are both up for that, it will inevitably be different.

This is definitely the right approach!

Let us know how you get on, OP, and good luck!

If it doesn't work this time, the ball is in her court for another time in the future when she has moved on enough.

Yes - as @Alcemeg says - even if you don't reconcile at this point, it could plant a positive seed for the future. And @takenforgrantednana's suggestion re. what message to send is great.

Good luck!
I had similar, my best friend and I had a humdinger of a row and fell out quite spectacularly. Went from being very close to not speaking for years.
Weirdly bumped into each other in a big city and the big freeze defrosted. I had really missed her and vice versa. We are close again now and I would consider she's one of my best and favourite friends.