Hello all,
Had to NC as this is very outing.
I was with my ex for 9 years- always has been physically and emotionally abusive. Last year, he assaulted me in my parents house and in front of my child. I was left with a black bruised eye for two weeks, had to attend hospital for a brain scan. No internal injuries, thank God.
I got an restraining order and agreed with police to get him charged. He was on bail conditions, but failed to attend to one of his bail hearings (?). Hence, police were not able to locate him and a warrant was out for his arrest.
I was getting on with my life. I have finished my Masters degree, being there for my child and I have secured my first job. Did not hear from my ex. However, three weeks ago, I received a call from the police, telling me that they have found my ex and would attend a bail hearing a week prior. Today, I just received a phone call that my ex has pleaded not guilty and I have to attend court in two weeks. The police also said that they would like the family member to attend as she was a witness. But knowing her, she won't go through with it and I cannot place that in her head.
I'm in two minds. I don't know if I want to attend court. I was getting on with my life, not a care for him, not thinking of him and now this- I don't know what to do.. what to expect. My ex has dangerous friends and I'm worried that they will come after me.
I don't understand why he pleaded non-guilty and he has always pleaded guilty. I don't know what to do? What do I tell me new job? What should I expect when I go to court?
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DV- pleaded not guilty-to attend trial
secular89 · 30/09/2020 17:07
Ignore all the guilt trips about YOU being responsible for keeping all the potential women of the future safe. You are NOT responsible for his actions, and I hate it when I see this callously used as a way to manipulate someone into doing something that may compromise their own life.
No woman should have to sacrifice her own safety for others that haven’t even happened yet. That’s what the criminal justice system is for. If a woman is STILL being placed in a position where she feels scared, alone and very afraid for her safety due to this ‘justice’, then this justice needs to change. Not plough on and expect a willing sacrifice from a woman and child who have already been through enough anyway!
Errr, annnnyway, I’ll step down off my soap box now 
Having said all that, there are good reasons why you should turn up on the day for you. And that it to ensure he can never get custody of your child. If you don’t have enough evidence, it can, and does, happen. So you need to think about protecting yourself from any nasty attempts in the future at abusing you through the courts, chasing after your child. Men so frequently do this, even though they don’t want to look after the child at the end of it all.
So I think you need to call back the police in charge of the case (or a specialist police person given to you if you have one?), and ask them how they can help you keep you safe at the trial and after...
Don’t be alone in this, there is help, even if it’s a bit difficult to find.
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