No one seems to want a single mum

[Mumto2chunks]

I’m a single mum to 2 young children. I’ve tried a couple of dating apps (bumble and tinder) but every time children come up in conversation (A while in I usually ask if they have any and then tell them I have kids) and I say I have two the conversation just dies. I even had one today insult me and say women with children wasn’t his thing, which is fair enough but I’m feeling so put out. Where am I supposed to be looking? I just feel pathetic and like no one wants me which is sad because I’m young and I don’t consider myself bad looking really. I love my children so much but I just feel like I can’t be single and lonely forever. Any tips anyone?

I'd leave it for a year or two. Yes, I was told that too when I did OLD and it is very dismissive but it's better than being strung along by a user who is privately thinking, this is fun I guess, ok for now, but obviously I'd never get in to anything long term or serious with a woman with kids. Try to see it as the information that spared you a year and a half of grief/wasted time.

Build yourself up listening to clips about resilience, self-esteem, self-efficacy, autonomy, putting yourself out of your comfort zone in a bit of stretch but not so far you are stressing yourself... Don't even 'want' a relationship with somebody ordinary. Only want a relationship with somebody when you've seen from their behavior that they are extraordinary.

@Sunshineandflipflops

I had in my profile that I was a mum. No details, just that. I had plenty of matches but then I was late 39/40 so I guess most people expect women and men of that age to have kids.

This is true and I guess a lot of men also think, good she won't want a baby with me.

The whole kids/no kids aspect of OLD is fraught with potential incompatibilities some of which are vocalised immediately and some which are left unsaid. And those change with every decade.

In my mid forties I was coming across loads of men who wanted to have a child aged nearly 50 who realistically were lucky to be dating me, but they were still looking over my shoulder for a younger version of me because they hadn't given up on being a father.

@LonginesPrime I agree with your advice to OP, and I know it's easy to say this when you're older, but approach it like ''So, I have that part of my life sorted out luckily'' I'm sure there's a better way of phrasing it than that.

I know when I was chatting to OLD men of about 50 when I was in my forties and if they weren't fathers yet but still (very optimistically in the case of most of them) hoping deep down to meet a much younger woman and have a child after all, my response was not apology for not being younger but more like Poor you, that sucks, Glad I didn't miss that boat. That aspect of my life worked out well. I am a parent, which I wanted to be.

I'm a single mum of 3 and so far so good. Don't take it personally, decent men realise that people have a history and a past.
I tried online dating a few times but it isn't for me at all. Can you see if you can get some dates set up through mutual friends rather than online?
I find with online you invest alot into the conversation and then it's can just randomly stop!

Honestly most men don't even look at profiles, you can put anything in a profile and all they'll look at is your photo before messaging you!

A lot of people on those types of sites want hookups.

You'll find someone.... it takes time, be open to people that aren't normally 'your type'

I would advise against mentioning kids in your profile. This actually can attract the wrong sort of people.

I’ve only just turned 25. I usually put my preferred age at 28 and up because I realise that a lot of men my age are still out partying and living with their mums etc etc. My photos are just recent ones of me. Two selfies, a full body mirror one, one of me with a puppy etc. When I don’t have being a mum in my profile I get loads of matches bevause I don’t look like I have kids, I just look like a normal 25 y/o girl 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't really see how a bloke saying a women who has children aren't his thing is insulting? Surely it is a personal preference? It's Like you saying bold divorced fat blokes over 50 aren't your thing, it is personal choice. At least he was honest with you and did not just ghost you like the others did with out telling you the truth first. I would be upfront and honest in your profile about having kids, if your young alot of blokes would not expect you to have them at least then they know before hand before talking to you and are less likely to ghost you when you tell them if you state you have them in your bio.

Generally my single female friends with kids have lots of very short relationships usually no more than around 3-4 months when the bloke has got what he wanted and the honeymoon period has worn off and then they can see what lyes ahead and then they are off like a shot.

Also if your young then there are plenty of women out there who haven't got kids so naturally men are going to want to date them as it can be quite alot of hassle dating someone with young kids, I know from personal experience, blokes don't want to be planning their life around someone else's childcare arrangements or having to plan date nights weeks in advance and then in my experience it usually gets cancelled because one of their kids has gone sick, or spending days out down pepper pig World when you have got the kids and then have to eat rubbish food down hungry horse as that is a child friendly place and then listen to kids screaming and crying, as a young bloke I would want someone free and single who can go for last min weekends away, date nights, holidays outside of term time, days out during the week, cycling long walks, adult only places, def wouldn't want to be playing step dad to someone else's kids that's for sure, then there are likely to be dramas with the ex, also the bloke will allways be second to your kids even though he treats you as his number 1, I wouldn't say that is unfair personally, although kids should allways come first to a single mum,

blended family's very rarely work out unfortunately as well, saying that all sounds harsh, but you may find someone who is interested but it will take alot more time and effort to find that someone who will stay for the long term.

Yes, yes they do.
Don't see your children as a burden for dating otherwise men will see that too.
And the ones that do are not for you so you can easily dismiss them.
Your children are part of your life and a man who will see that is a better guy for you
Ones that don't want single mums don't have to date you and you can move on.

I went on match. I had a few not interested because of having a child and thats fine. However I have met somebody and they aren't bothered that I have a child

Also look at this the other way around. You are saying 'no one wants......' like you are putting yourself down.
What about what you want? Men need to impress you surely to get a date. See yourself as a catch!

There are men out there who wouldn't be put off by a single mum!

My son was 18 months old when I met my partner. Actually met on a dating website! I put that I had kids in my profile so it wasn't a surprise for him later down the line. We have now been together 8 years and have a daughter of our own.

I don't know what bumble is. But I do get the idea with tinder (never used it obviously as wasn't around before I was with my partner). Maybe try a different website? Somewhere maybe like match.com where people might be more serious about the dating game? But again what would I know. It's been 8 years since I dated 🤣

One day you will find the one! Good luck!

Also look at this the other way around. You are saying 'no one wants......' like you are putting yourself down.
What about what you want? Men need to impress you surely to get a date. See yourself as a catch!

Completely agree with this - you don't want to end up with someone crap or abusive because you think no-one else will have you!