I have been with my partner for 2 years and he's just recently moved in. The relationship has always been a bit rocky, with issues around our very different parenting styles. I have been a lone parent for years and am set in my ways, but it works for me and my child. OH thinks I'm too soft and steps in now and again, but he's too harsh as far as I'm concerned. He's like that with his own children too. By harsh I mean shouting at them aggressively and suddenly like he just loses it now and again.
Since he's moved in he's stepped in over my child staying in his own bed. I've always been happy to cosleep but obviously lately with my partner moving in my lb has had to sleep in his own bed. There's been a lot of getting up in the night to see to him and oh thinks I'm too soft and spend half my night sat in there with him, which is true. Oh decided he would take over and has been successful in getting my lb to stay in bed, but I've been suspicious about how he's doing it. I've heard him talking gently to him, and he tells me that he reassures him but firmly tells him that he has to stay in his own bed. But now and again I can really hear my lb sobbing and I can tell he doesn't get up in the night any more because he's too scared. He's becoming withdrawn around my partner and seems to be losing his confidence. He's definitely less secure than he was an glances over at my partner before he moves/speaks. He seems to be on eggshells and tells me that my partner doesn't like him and is always mad at him. Yesterday my lb wandered off to sit by himself looking sad and when I asked him what was wrong he said he'd been told off, but I had been in the room and hadn't heard anything. My lb said oh had made angry faces and waggled his finger at him for something, clearly when I wasn't looking.
My partner takes my lb out and goes out of his way to make an effort with him, but this relationship obviously isn't right. Yesterday my lb told my eldest that my partner hits him at night when I'm not there. When asked for a demonstration he put his hand on his cheek. I've asked my lb a few times what happens when oh goes in at night but he clams up and won't tell me anything. I need to address this today. Opinions?
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Relationships
Partners relationship with my child
Namechanging2 · 03/09/2019 04:10
Well done OP. You are particularly vulnerable right now, especially with a new baby and this is when he's showed his true colour like a true abuser. Good on you for taking action once you realised what was going on with your ds. Make sure you and your children are safe get locks changed and have plenty of real life support. Do tell your HV as they can be supportive too and can signpost you to services. Remember to
rest when you can, eat little and often even if you don't feel like it - you need all your strength. If you have any concerns at all, call 101 and log your concerns with the police. Take care of yourself & your DC 
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