Over sensitive boyfriend and how to recover from arguments

[myidentitymycrisis]

As above, he is always the most injured party when we argue, even though he apologises to me and I to him, he insists on being more hurt than I ever am. Then when I try to turn things around and get back to normal, he sulks, gives the silent treatment, or acts very formally and correctly, with no emotion. When he tries to explain this he says he can’t act friendly when he is feeling so injured.

I try to brush it off, I always reach out the olive branch and I move on from arguments much more quickly. But still carry the resentment that he refuses to accept that I am hurt as much as him.

I’m expecting him this evening for the weekend but he already replying to my messages in a stand offish way, because of something we argued about last week. I’m looking for advice here for what stance to take because I always feel crushed and frightened he is about to end it, but I don’t want to be blasé and carry on as if nothing has happened because it has.

If I don’t reply immediately please dont be hard. We don’t message others usually when we are together. But I will be back.
Just dreading him arriving.

I'd say not to let him ruin your weekend - although I'm guessing he's probably with you now?

I suspect he won't change and relationships shouldn't be such hard work. Is this what you really want?

Run for the hills hun.
He's a narcissist.
He'll always be the victim no matter what.

He’s not sensitive. He is passive aggressive and knows exactly what he is doing. Honestly I don’t say this often OP but you really should move on.

Take care x

He’s controlling you with his moods this will get worse. If he can’t recognise it, discuss it and try and change (speaking as the one in my relationship prone to doing this because of learned behaviour from my own dad) then I’d dump him. Life is short.

Thank you for all your replies. I think I know it’s something I have to face. I’m going to take my time to read over and digest thoroughly.

Look after yourself, he sounds like he brings nothing positive to your life. End your relationship and let him sulk alone.

This manipulative man is controlling you. It’s an abusive relationship. Save yourself and get out now.

You need to get rid - this is so controlling.

don't let him move in with you.

Classic coercive control. Been there got the T shirt. But my spider senses tell me you are going to put up with this. Do you have Channel 4 catch up? Watch I Am Nicola. A drama that was on this week starring Vicky McClure. It will be like looking in a mirror OP.

What is this "when we argue?"

How often does this happen? I never understand people staying in relationships with frequent arguments. I've had two long term relationships (one of 3, one of 11 years) and the number of arguments we had can be counted on the fingers of one hand on a person with two fingers.

He's manipulative - have a think about him and the way he behaves. I'm sure you'll find tons of examples of him trying to manipulate you.

You can do so much better than this. And please don't believe he'll change - this is the sort of thing that starts young and never ends.

@ShatnersWig I was thinking the same myself, we seem to be arguing more and more, or perhaps it is one long extended argument carried over, due to perceived slights that he cannot let go. These are usually me raising an issue around his conduct/behaviour toward me (very subtle and covert) and his refusal to admit that I am hurt by it, without claiming to be the victim of my hurtful outbursts and cruel words with zero provocation from him.
In fact that is pretty much the reason we argue; because I refuse to be manipulated and call him out on it - prompting the stupid sulking which I try and ignore and shrug off. I am definitely not crawling around him, I usually act as if I have done nothing wrong (I haven't) maintain my position and carry on regardless. I'm finding it hard to be cheerful because that just wouldn't be realistic.

So he's not over sensitive. He's just a fuckwit you don't need in your life, which will be so much better when you get shot of him. Preferably now.

I don't have channel 4 catch up? do you have to pay?

So glad so many women are seeing the controlling aspect of this. If only all the women of the world were as clued in as so many mumsnetters :)

He is conditioning you. He wants you to always be thinking about what you say and do, incase it 'offends' his fragile little self. And feels his feelings are the only ones that matter so naturally, you should only think of those.

The silent treatments and bluntness are to punish you for stepping out of line and daring to expect your feelings to be considered important.

This is often where it begins. You may also find yourself constantly explaining to him why you are hurt, only to be met with a blank stare. Thinking 'he just doesn't get it'. He gets it. He just doesn't care.

Pink Even some of us men are seeing the controlling aspect of this.

No you don’t have to pay.

Download the All4 app on your phone to watch "I am Nicola"

You are Nicola, like a previous poster said

A relationship shouldn't be this shit. He doesn't enhance your life, he overshadows it.

Get rid. This will not improve. Otherwise you will spend your life bending yourself out of shape in an elusive attempt to appease him. He will keep moving the goalposts until you don't recognise yourself.

@AnyFucker yes! Thought of that program as I read OP's post

Great show. I expect a few women's eyes have been opened after seeing it

@31RueCambon I dated a vulnerable narcissist in my early 20s - your post has made me realise it! Took me several years to get rid of him and he destroyed my confidence in the process.

OP - your only option (well, the only one that leaves your sanity intact) is to break up with this man.

Really not much use going along with this relationship. A sulky, immature man is always going to be a problem,and get you down all the time. Why would you wan't to stand around with this kind of childish behaviour? There is probably a reason why he is like this,but I wouldn't wait around to see what it is.!