How do you know when you've met the right person?

[Lexia123]

Just that really. After several failed relationships I'm more confused than ever! What makes a relationship go the distance and not just fizzle out when you're not on the same page?

Starting to believe I'll ever meet somebody to be with long term! I find it really hard to trust that anybody would want to commit long term, so it's hard to be optimistic I think.

We actually talked about getting married on our first date, it was just so obvious that we should and would. As other people have said, it just felt right, like home. And that was 13 years ago!

@qumquat I’m not sure feeling ‘in love’ is the same as butterflies. I feel deeply in love with DH and am thrilled and excited whenever I’m around him - but it’s never been that nervous excitement I’ve experienced elsewhere.

I had a decade-long safe “homey” relationship before him and it made me very sad too - I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. I hope - if it’s what you want - you find something more, or experience that within your current relationship.

Thank you BeesandKnees, your reply made me think about it in a different perspective. I can see what you mean, and I do beat myself up about things in general. But you've given me some food for thought and it's interesting to see it from another viewpoint.

I don't agree with BeesandKnees. In my experience it doesn't take one to two years to know what so.eone is really like. I agree that one doesn't know how someone will respond to life's bigger ups and downs: losing a parent, child, business, accident, etc, but I do think you get a handle on most people pretty quickly. The problem. Is that too often people try to talk themselves out of doubts and whilst familiarity can breed contempt it also becomes a habit and loneliness hurts in a society that seems to prefer couples.

I don’t agree with BeesandKnees either. It doesn’t take 1-2 years to get to know someone and meeting the right person is total luck - I think it’s unkind to say “do this and be this kind of person and then you’ll meet someone”.

You could be the most wonderful person and never meet someone, you could be a complete twat and meet a very kind person/ another twat and spend many years happily married. I know plenty in both categories!

This thread is interesting.

My husband and I admitted to each other that we didn't not fancy each other at first sight. There was no initial 'phwoar' factor for either of us. However it wasn't total disinterest either.

It was the way he talked to me on the first evening out to the pub on the back of a blind date I had arranged. I could tell by his voice that he wanted me to listen. That impressed me lots. Also his conversation wasn't the usual run of the mill stuff either. Helped by the fact that he's from overseas and was giving me a thumb nail sketch of life where he comes from.

My attitude to him was, 'tell me more' (about anything and everything) not 'yadda yadda whatever, heard it all before mate' which was my attitude to other boyfriends.

I had come out of a long term relationship that ended because we fell out of love. Followed by a couple of years of FWB.

He was/is fresh and new and just for me.

No baggage and we had our eyes on the future. (Woo hoo !) Been married 23 years.

It's been really interesting reading all these stories. People always say that you don't really know someone properly until a couple of years down the road, but actually I don't think that's true. Actions most definitely speak louder than words, and I think that helps you to build up a picture of a person, romantically linked or otherwise.

I really like the feeling of coming home when you meet the right person.