ive split up with someone when I met his mother
had wondered about a few things in the relationship and his history
but suddenly it all fell into place
cold, strange, emotionally inadequate woman - overly sentimental about some things, big gestures but utterly lacking in actual care or empathy, obsessed with her animals and pets but with no time for him, just no connection between them. Im sure she had her own problems, her own reasons but the issue was there didnt seem to be a bond between them and he was desperate for her approval and love - and had clearly never received it. She had put him second to various relationships in her life and left him in vulnerable situations, or not got him help when he needed it: and he would tell of these stories but wouldn't hear a word against her.
I had wondered why we were drifting into a relationship where I essentially acted as his caretaker and mothered him all the while pretending that this was not what was happening. Really sad because he was a lovely guy, caring, sensitive and loyal, but what he needed was a parent and not a partner.
In case anyone feels I single out his mother for a pretty harsh critique, I never did meet his father but the letter/phone contact I witnessed suggested he was a selfish and uncaring man, and the relationship between his parents was probably a huge part of why there was little real bond between the mother and son: and he had contributed nothing in the way of financial and parenting support.
I never did say all this to him as his loyalty to his mother was really genuine, and I could not see it ending well: I did/do care for him a lot but realised I could not see a relationship and family with him as I felt like I was a coach/parent/counsellor trying to help him get past his childhood; and this was killing the relationship stone dead. Still ended up supporting him for 4 years following the breakup....
On another slightly immature note - their family house was absolutely disgusting: I'm not fainthearted or obsessive but it really was years of lack of cleanliness, lack of direction and lack of care; a sort of manic footering futility of half finished projects, part painted walls and continual filth and animal mess. I realised this was where his normality/comfort standards came from and that I would end up either living in squalor or doing all the housework because he saw this as normal.
TL:DR summary; that was theraputic! sorry to hijack the thread
but if you feel uncomfortable/depressed etc around them try and analyse why; and try and project what you think future situations eg living together, disagreements, having children would be like with his family involved