When did you start dating after separation?

[TomHardysBitontheside]

I just wondered how long anyone waited before trying OLD?

Ex-H and I separated 10 months ago after 17 years of marriage. He came back for a while to try and make it work but it all started to go wrong again quite quickly and he finally moved out at the start of this year. His reason was that simply he didn't love me any more.

I felt immensely relieved when he left. I was sad for a while, but more about our old relationship rather than who he had become over the last few years.

I feel surprisingly confident and positive about the future. And I realise now I had probably stopped loving him too.

I am not looking for anything serious at all right now, but I am open to the idea of meeting new people.

I fear it is still early days to try OLD, or is it? When did anyone here start contacting/meeting people?

viv your posts give me hope.... sounds like you're pretty content

Teaholic - yes, my kids are teenagers. I love your story of the 5'8 guy. Sounds he may well be single for a while.

Vivdeering - you make a good point about just getting out there and doing things. I do have some great friends who I maybe didn't see as often as I should when I was married. I very much played the subservient wife giving him all the space he needed to go out. Now it is my turn!

Reading about everyone's experiences makes me think I should just enjoy my company for now. See my friends. Go for drinks after work - not done that for years!! And then simply peruse dating websites. My kids have forbidden me to go on Tinder!

I am sure I will meet someone one day, but I certainly am in no great rush right now. I am happy to make new friends, but I have enough awesome people around me to keep me busy.

We split in the September and I went on OLD the following May - though to be fair I'd mentally checked out of the relationship 2 years before we actually split (he's a workaholic). Went on a pile of dates (including 6 in 5 days - don't do that, it was exhausting - all the nail polishing and eyebrow plucking!) and then 6 weeks after I joined I met someone amazing, and it just clicked, and we've been together for the last year and a half. I'm now 48.

If you are ready, don't take it too seriously, treat it as a chance to meet new people you wouldn't normally have the chance to meet, and enjoy yourself. Know what you bring to the table, be honest about who you are and what you want, and if they're not right, just move on.

Instinctively I think I am

After a 10+ y relationship, I went on Tinder obscenely quickly (matter of weeks). Met a few nice men but got spooked and stopped, felt too raw and unready.

The very first date I went on, carried on gently texting/chatting with me, inviting me out, having lots of sex without expectations, etc. despite me acting like a right weirdo about not wanting anything serious. Nearly a year later we made it official and are still together. I met him about 18 months ago now, but as I said the first year was me umming and ahhing and not sure about things at all.

Did try to date other people again around 6 months after the split as well, but nothing stuck except this bloke. We were always a good match, I just wasn't in a good head space for that first year. Luckily for me he's not easily deterred, very chilled out, very understanding.

So, I suppose there are a few answers in there, you could say I started dating within weeks I suppose. But I was OK with feeling complicated and messed up during that time. I've given up on the idea that I need to "be a good partner" or "be ready" before I date. I just am who I am, and if someone else likes that, and I like them, then off we go and we just see where it goes.

I think most important part to consider is, if you meet a loser will it make you miss the ex? Once I went on a first date, there was no connection and cried all the way home wishing for what I used to have. Dating and relationship are very different, I'd imagine you aren't looking for the latter yet so if you can have a laugh at the dud dates and just enjoy OLD for what it is then go for it!!!

8 months or so after 22 years.

There has been so much helpful advice. Thanks so much to you all for your replies. It is really insightful.

And most of all thank you for introducing me to the phrase "twat radar" which made me snort out loud with laughter!