My husband can't stop lying

[ralice]

Hi all. I think this is my first post - I've been lurking for years.

My husband is a liar. Not earth-shattering, life-changing lies, but lots of small lies.

Tonight, for instance, he's meant to be running a singing group (a paid group, he gets £5 per person). It's only the second week it's been on, yet he told me when he got home from work at 6.15pm (the group is at 7.30) that it's been cancelled because the venue overbooked. I thought it seemed a bit fishy, so after dinner I looked at his Facebook messages - I know, I know, I am in the wrong for that one - and I found that he'd told the whole singing group a lie; that he'd lost his voice so couldn't attend!

It's not the first time he's done this. A few weeks ago he was meant to be performing in town for a free gig. He was feeling tired so he told me that he let the guy running it know that he wasn't going to be able to make it... I found out later that he'd told the guy he had to take our son to hospital!!! The guy posted on Facebook that he hoped our son made a speedy recovery!

He has also lied to me in the past, mostly about money. For instance, earlier this year he didn't tell me that he had about £1,000 on credit cards from over-spending at Christmas. When he did eventually tell me it was only because I was trying to work out our monthly bills and how we'd survive because I was on maternity leave and he'd just lost his job. And when we first got together a few years ago he was getting some letters from bailiffs saying he owed £300, £600, £500s etc. He lied and said it was all a mistake - it came out a couple of years later when we were trying to buy a house that this was all correct and he had an atrocious credit score. I had to bail him out over £2.5k so we could buy our house.

I can't think of many other specific cases, but it's just little things: "I forgot" when he just couldn't be bothered; "They didn't have any in stock" when he didn't even go to the shops; "It was in the sale" when it was vastly over-priced; "[Our son] wasn't hungry" when he didn't think to feed him lunch... Eventually most of these lies come out because I'm observant and have a good memory, and he forgets which lies he's told. Most of the time I don't bother mentioning when I know he's lying.

I'm looking for some advice here. Do I confront him about his lying? It puts me in a difficult position because I can never trust what he says! We are married and have a mortgage, so if he gets in lots of debt it will negatively affect us both (and our son!).

What would you do? I am armed with so please say what think about this situation. Thank you!

[coffeecuppa]

I can't remember what I mentioned in this thread, but: The end of the line for me was in Jan 2017 when I watched him open some mail, rip it up and put it straight in the bin outside - I asked him what it was, he said it was one of those random credit card applications that companies send out sometimes.

After fishing the pieces out of the bin and rearranging them, I found out it was his bank statement - he was living at the limit of his overdraft, lying about what he was spending money on, and paying yet another debt recovery company £25 a month.

He was never going to tell me about any of it.

In the end, he's been a dishonest, greedy cunt - he paid £0 towards our house (all the deposit was my inheritance and a £40k loan from my parents) but we had to settle on him having £35k in the divorce and he's acting like he's a saint by not taking the half he's 'entitled to'. If I had more money I'd have taken him to the courts but doing that would eat up everything we're fighting over anyway.

In all, the red flags were there from the start and I stupidly ignored them. If there are any red flags for you, paperdoll, don't ignore them!!