why initiate a text conversation then not reply for hours

[funnychops]

Someone please explain why they do this??
Lovely guy making all the right moves, few dates in, refers to me as his girlfriend (I'm not so sure about this, but hey at least he's keen)
This morning 5 hours ago he writes me a text asking how I am, to which I reply, with open ended questions......then nothing.

I will never understand this, can someone shed some light? Is he playing stupid games or am I just being over sensitive? I always reply to all texts regardless of who it's from straight away (as did with mine a couple of weeks ago!!). Why does this wind me up so much? WWYD?

[Trills]

I would second that - you're not being unusually over-analyse-y :)

It's easy for us to be clear-headed because we don't know the guy and fancy him.

[simonettavespucci]

I have clearly spent too much time thinking about this, but in my opinion there are two kinds of texts:

a) texts which are effectively mini emails - these tend to have actually information in them and expect an answer on the same time scale as an email so next few hours/days depending on urgency.

b) texts which invite a conversation - these tend to be short - 'hey, how are you?' or whatever, and once you've started chatting back and forth you expect the answer to be more or less immediate, though with some slack for doorbell ringing, boss walking in or whatever, and usually you would sign off in some way when you wanted to end the conversation.

Sounds like his text was the latter, so it reasonable that you're put out by getting no reply. I do think some people absolutely use failing to reply to texts as a manipulative power game, so though I wouldn't lose too much sleep about it immediately, I would be flagging it to see if he shows any other symptoms of game playing.

[ThisIsTheRightTime]

Yes, I understand funnychops. Women should really allow themselves to trust their gut instinct. I've been through a lot too - and am in my mid forties - so hope I can, like you, filter the chaff and remain lucid.

As long as is doesn't overshadow the majority that is good. Which is exactly what you are saying.

[funnychops]

Still no cashed cheque
and was online numerous times last night
Why would a seemingly lovely, thoughful guy play games like this, I just don't get it. TBH it's really put me off him, which is a shame.

[OhNoNotMyBaby]

FunnyChops
I'm afraid I was being sarcastic about the 5 hours bit.... maybe we need an emoji for that.

You really do need to chill out and as others have said, understand that a text convo is not the same as a RL convo.

[Lweji]

Just a thought. Could he not have got the text?

It has happened to me. Rarely, but it did.

I might send another one, mention the first, and see if he replies or not.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

Id definitely now send another text just saying hey or hello or whatever you would normally greet him with, no mention yet of other text!

[funnychops]

He's texted - couple of hours ago, said he was crazy busy yesterday and can he call to chat at some point today?

[Lweji]

At this point, I do find it strange that he didn't bother to even say hi in the evening, unless it was an entire day thing. But even so, it would be easy to just drop a line.
Not that it is a problem, necessarily. Some people aren't bothered about regular contact, others are more. It's up to you to decide what you're happy with.

[funnychops]

YY lweji me too! Very strange.
Its taken the shine off things for me a little, if I'm honest.

[ChopsticksandChilliCrab]

I do think it doesn't take long to text "sorry v busy, talk later", so not replying is tedious. My DH might not reply to a non-important text for hours but he wouldn't text me in the first place.

The weekends things is a bit odd, there's no reason why he couldn't call you in the evenings for a chat. Does he really want a relationship? He sounds rather lukewarm.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

Are you 100% sure he is not married or with someone?

[funnychops]

Exactly chopsticks - as soon as his children have gone home, he becomes attentive again, wants to call me, wants to arrange a meet up, and expects me to give up time with my DC's to accommodate a date, when for him that was out of the question.

[funnychops]

Hotwater not 100% but nothing really sticks out to make me think he's married/with someone....well apart from this . All his stories add up....I don't get a feeling that he's with someone IYSWIM

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

I sometimes type a response and then forget to send it!

[funnychops]

sorry, that was unfair - he doesn't expect me to give up time, but asks me if I can.

[concertplayer]

This is only a text thingy. it is not really a proper conversation -no body
language (which is the main way we communicate anyway)
Only a few dates so not a relationship yet.
m obiles are so often used these days to keep people away/or at
least preserve privacy that people get very confused especially
since they are so frequently used. Very contradictory.
You can tell far more porkies on a mobile than you can facing people
eye to eye . Get the relation ship first and then all the texting will
fall into place

[Jollyphonics]

How are things OP?

[funnychops]

Thanks Jolly. Welll we've decided after a chat to have a bit of a break. From my part arranging a weekend date was just so difficult,.as any spare time he has he only wants to spend with his children, fair enough and hats off to him but I'd quite like the idea of a Saturday or Friday night date from time to time which he didn't think he could offer up. It's a shame really, but I strongly believe if it's the right person, you'll find a way. It's all still amicable very much so, which is nice. Been so lovely today to not have that whole text angst.

[TheWitchesofIzalith]

Have just read the thread. I'm in exactly the same position, have met someone who went totally overboard with texting me every day, several times a day, ringing me every day, and now has not replied for three days. Nor bothered to ring. Now I get that he may be busy, BUT if he hadn't set the pace at the start then I wouldn't even be bothered about not hearing from him for three days.
I have a feeling this is going to be a timewaster, despite how 'gentlemanly' he seems to think he is. I asked him about meeting up this weekend, as I have to work things around my DS. He knows this, and said he would check his work rota on Tuesday and let me know. He hasn't.
I'm going to wait till Friday and if he hasn't bothered to let me know, then that says to me he a) isn't that interested in me and b) has no manners. And that will be the end of him. I deserve better than that, I think.
Texts are such a pain in dating. They allow people to be deliberately vague and keep up the 'appearance' of being interested without actually having to make any effort.
I'd go so far as to say texting is an absolute gift for anyone with a tendency to be a 'player'.

[youshouldcancelthecheque]

I often go into a meeting/get on a train and send messages with the aim of looking at the replies later. I think this is fairly normal behaviour.

[CapsicumCat21]

Oh gosh Funnychops This sounds just like a man I was dating (you're not in Manchetser are you)?

It was less about the texting but definitely an issue re the Friday and Saturday night thing. He was clear his children were his number 1 priority ( all good. Big positive for him in my mind) but then when he did have a free Friday or Saturday he would see his friends (because they were really important to him as was playing golf on a Sunday, as was squash on a Monday, football on a Tuesday, badminton on a Weds - you get the picture). However went a bit sulky when I refused to cancel my pilates class (pre paid) on a Thursday!!! obviously my interests just weren't important.

I was relegated to a Sunday evening where he was tired after his busy weekend and too tired to go out and do something. We dated for three months and I felt like we were an old married couple. It became clear to me that I just wasn't ever a priority and was just fitted in when he had nothing better to do so I got rid. To coin a phrase sometimes you just have to realise 'they're just not that in to you).

[Lweji]

Yes, sometimes it just doesn't work out. Relationships shouldn't be full of angst.

[funnychops]

witches I agree totally. Texting is a pain, but it shouldn't be, it should be fun! I think if it's not fun or causes any kind of angst then that is a warning sign. The change in pace and style of texts was a definite tell-tale,for me, I could just sense it.
capsicum I feel your pain, I'm not in Manchester, I think this problem is a global phenomenon. We definitely deserve more than crumbs and if it's the right person then they will make room for you in their life. Good luck finding that person - feels like a needle in a haystack doesn't it?

[TheWitchesofIzalith]

funnychops as much as I'd like to believe otherwise, all the signs are pointing to me being placed in the 'I'll string get along till I find someone better' category, or even ' I'm not interested in her anymore but I don't have the respect or manners to just be upfront and tell her'.
Doesn't help when you can see they've been on whatsapp umpteen times that day. It's taking the piss and showing they think you're too stupid and/or desperate to bin them.
I know dignity dictates I should block and delete, but a little bit of me would enjoy ringing him and just asking in a normal pleasant voice why he can't just say he's not interested. And use that Mumsnet favourite 'I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude?' And listen to him squirm. And THEN block him. Because this chap truly, completely believes he's a 'gentleman' and makes a big thing of how he always puts others before himself, thinks of others feelings, yadda yadda. IMO people with real manners and respect for others don't need to keep pointing it out.
I think he has 'issues'. Twit.