It was my 30th birthday this weekend and I went away with friends and my boyfriend of 3 years. I've been planning and looking forward to this trip for months but it was a disaster.
At Christmas I overheard my boyfriend speaking to a mutual friend (I was in the same room but he was quite drunk) about his plans to propose to me when we were away for my 30th. This really took me by surprise as we hadn't spoken much about marriage specifically, just the fact that we were planning on being together, buying a house, starting a family ect.
I have spent the last 3 months fantasising about and preparing for the proposal, and getting more excited as my partner mentioned things related to it- he was going to give me a special present whilst we were away, mentioning friends who got engaged, asking is I liked their rings etc.
Long story short, he didn't propose, wasn't planning to and it was apparently something stupid he said when drunk and he doesn't seem to remember it.
I am gutted because instead of enjoying this much anticipated weekend away with him and friends I was so focused on the engagement and we argued the whole weekend because it became clear fairly early that he wasn't going to propose.
He also didn't bother coming to see my family as planned to celebrate my birthday after the weekend and (sorry I know this is going to sound spoilt) he got my presents totally and utterly wrong. though I suppose it would be hard to get them right when I was expecting a ring.
The annoying thing is I was really content with our relationship until I heard him say he was planning an engagement and now that is hasn't happened I feel like I've done something wrong. I'm also gutted that the weekend was spoilt because of this. I acted like a brat but I can't help it, I feel absolutely devastated and humiliated that I built this weekend up to be some huge romantic special one and couldn't relax and have fun with my mates.
Has anyone else expected a proposal and felt let down? And how do I fix this, I feel like my partner ruined not just my birthday but any future engagement we may have. Am I overreacting? Literally feel gutted
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Non existant proposal
SoVerySad100 · 30/03/2016 15:16
Well thanks for that, SirChenJin 
There's room in this world for different approaches.
There's nothing wrong with thinking twice before putting yourself in a position that's financially quite disadvantageous.
As it happens, with my fiancé (with whom I discussed a pre nup which whilst not legally binding would be considered as clear intentions of the parties) is actually in a better position than me now, but is unlikely to be in 10 years time. So it's actually to protect him initially.
We're both happy with it. But we're both getting ready for our second marriage and can't have more children, there'll be no giving up careers for the other.
I want all my assets to go to my child - well, those I haven't squandered personally on fun and fine things!
No matter how much I love my fiancé, I'm not keen on the risk that we could divorce and he could take assets I wanted to pass on to her.
I wouldn't expect or accept a pre nup if I was a lower earning spouse giving up earning power to support another's career or have their child. But in the absence of those, no - if I divorce I don't want to give my hard earned money to someone else.
MeMySon we both have houses. We're in the process of deciding practicalities - we don't live together yet as we both have children at home and choose not to combine households. Current plan is that he moves into my house and let's his out. So I might not allow him any interest in mine (and vice versa, mind!) If I die, he can go back to his house.
Or I may give him a life interest if we decided to sell his house. It will all depend on our circumstances and our wills are living documents. Currently both have said all our assets will go to our children.
He's a widower - we're both aware that life can change dramatically.
The best way to give him no potential rights would be to not get married, yes, because a pre nup isn't binding. But we want to marry - for no better reason than that we do 
We want to make a public and private commitment, we want to be each other's next of kin (he nursed his wife until her death and had to make care decisions - he really knows what this means).
I also want him to gain the spousal pension from my scheme when I die, if you want a less romantic reason!
The practicalities are different for any couple. I am the higher earner currently, he has more equity in his property, I have more pension... I love him but sadly I know marriage can end in divorce - and if it does, I don't want him to have money that could go to my child. He feels the same.
That all probably sounds antagonistic - it's not, we've discussed it and we agree, he wants his house to go to his kids, too.
We're very much middle aged and see no reason why the other should be entitled to anything in a divorce. As I said before, no joint children, no career impact...
It stands for me at a younger age though too. Unless I was putting the other party at a financial disadvantage (career break, limitation, moving for my job) I would be protective of my assets.
I believe - although sorry, no example - that some legal systems keep assets gained pre divorce separate. That makes sense to me.
Example of my friend: earns £80K, husband £50K. Both good pensions. Neither a SAHP. Latest house move 5 years ago was to further his career and actually held hers back. House owned outright from inheritance to her. He slept with female prostitutes and casual sex with men. Gave her chlamydia. She ended up with a mortgage for £100K to buy him out of the house, 50/50 asset. Would rather stick in my craw!
I think it's perfectly possible to love someone and be hopeful for a long life together without thinking "yeah, you can just have half my assets when we split".
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