help me word a Dear John text please?

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

We have been seeing each other a short while but he is not my cup of tea after all. He is certainly not going to crumple into a heap when he gets my text (and it will be too difficult and take too long to tell him face to face) but I don't need to be nasty at all.

What do I say?

[RiceCrispieTreats]

Text is totally fine if it was your main way of communicating with the person anyway.

Just as phone would be appropriate if that was your usual mode of contacting each other. Or face to face, or WhatsApp, ir carrier pigeon, or whatever was you usual medium.

[OTheHugeManatee]

I think text is weird and cold for anything involving emotional content. Arrangements, fine. Dumping someone? Not nice. Unless they're a twat

[Itisbetternow]

I'm 51 and went back on the dating scene 2 years ago having not been on it for 30 years. I dated someone for 4 months and was dumped by text. I couldn't believe it and thought it was so rude. However everyone I spoke to told me it was normal. I now dump by text but still find it rude and ultimately very cowardly !

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

I think 4 months in is different. I'm talking anything under 5/6 dates really. Once you become more established/close then a call is required

[Roses43]

Not my fault I have small boobs

[Trills]

....or carrier pigeon...

Personally I always dump via semaphore :o

[Quityabitchen]

The last text I got from my daughter (a terrible teen) in response to me telling her that her boyfriend had called round to see her, whilst she was out with her friends, was "kthxby" which I thought was brilliantly discourteous. I'd send the "thxby" bit to the reject.

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

Kthxby! That's superb! Haha!!

[Quityabitchen]

Succinct and to the point. K?

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

I don't talk on the phone. Text and whatsapp is how I communicate with everyone. I manage to communicate effectively enough on here, it's no different!

A crappy "ur dumped" would be rude! But a proper message wouldn't be.

[Shirsten]

I was dumped by text a few months ago. I was not impressed and thought it was cowardly. I deserved a better ending than that.

A few weeks ago the guy popped back up again and asked if I would meet up with him (he'd ended it before because of timing issues; not long split up with someone else). Him ending it by text was one factor in me saying no to meeting up with him again.

Too much communication is done by text these days. I had a bereavement last year and I mainly had a bunch of texts and some Facebook comments. Not what I needed!

I broke up with a guy I was seeing last year. I phoned him and just said 'it wasn't working'. It wasn't a nice thing to do but I wouldn't have dreamed of sending him a text to finish it.

However....the OP did say it had only been a few dates and he didn't sound very respectful towards women so I don't feel too sorry for him.

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

"Welcome to Dumpsville, population, you"

[anotherusernameugh]

Why would you text when you could do it over a coffee?

[BartholinsSister]

You could have texted him a link to this thread.

[liinyo]

If you had a longstanding, emotional and physical connection with someone, then dumping by text would be harsh. That isn't the case here, the OP has only seen this man a few times so it wasn't actually a 'relationship'. In the circumstances a text to say she doesn't want to meet up again seems perfectly reasonable. It's much better manners than just 'doing a Joey' and less awkward for both of them than face to face or over the phone.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

Why would you do it over coffee when you can just text?
Personally, as a have to arrange childcare for a date I would much prefer to be given a heads up before meeting if the person wasn't feeling it. As I have said its different for an established relationship but dating is no biggie.

[Milzilla]

Text is fine if only a few dates. Who wants to be the receiver of a dumped phonecall? Not me!

[chelle792]

I was dumped by text. Someone I'd met OLD, we'd been on 3 dates. He was a lovely guy but it just wasn't going to work.

He sent me a very lovely message to call it off. I sent one back and said, basically, fair point but I do think we would make good friends. I now have one very special friend dumping by text isn't always bad.

[StillAwakeAndItIsLate]

Why would you arrange to meet for coffee and then travel just to tell someone you'd been on half a dozen dates with that you weren't going to see them again?

If it was a relationship, fair enough. But a few dates?!

I can't believe that some people would prefer the indignity of a face to face public dumping, where they might feel upset/humiliated to a respectful text.

[HeavenlyPeas]

I think a text is fine. I'd much prefer that (and have in the past been grateful for it) rather than an awkward dumping phone call.

On the other hand, when my dad finally decided to leave my mum and their 30 year marriage, after stringing her along for a few months of pick-me-dance fun, he told her by text as he was away 'on business' sleeping with the OW for a few days. So far, so incredibly shitty.

Except he knew she didn't check her texts often so instead he texted me and my DSis (18 and 15 at the time, in the middle of exams and oblivious to the fact their marriage was in trouble) and asked us to let her know : 'Hi girls, please let Mum know I'm not coming back on Friday. I imagine you'll both be surprised and very angry with me but Mum will fill you in. I'm here if and when you want to talk and hear my side of the story. Love you both, Dad xxx'

6 years on and still not interested in his side of the story , it actually makes me giggle, but I'm still in awe at the dreadfulness...

(So yeah - dumping by text after 5 or 6 dates is totally acceptable.)

[TheVeryHungryPreggo]

I also think there are times it's more courteous to break up with someone by text.

Not dragging them out to meet you in public so you can dent their ego. Not putting them on the spot by saying "I don't think we should see each other any more" and then waiting for them to respond immediately, as is expected in a spoken conversation. A little bit of time for someone to compose their thoughts away from you and from everybody else seems only polite to me if you haven't known them long. It actually seems more unkind to put them on the spot by calling or meeting.

I don't think I agree that "you should face up to the awkwardness because you owe it to the other person to have that awkward conversation" as much as I think that it's unkind to put the other person in an awkward position and on the spot, especially when it's just been a few dates and you probably won't remain friends or in each other's daily lives.

[squishee]

I'd say grow a pair and do it by phone instead, although it's harder. Texting is a cop-out.
And if you call it gives you more closure, which you might need without knowing it iyswim.

[Cabrinha]

I would be really pissed off to be dumped over a coffee!
Who would do that?!
Worse as I'd be using up limited child free time, but crap if childless too.
But imagine going out with the excitement "ooooh, 6th date! I like this one" feeling, only to get dumped. Awful!

[blindsider]

"kthxby

what does this mean?

[Cabrinha]

OK
Thanks
Goodbye

K
Thx
By

I think!