It looks like My husband is planning to leave us...

[GrandHighWitchy]

Long backstory, but main parts are he has physically abused me in the past, i suffered many miscarriages after he had hit me. I stayed because I felt shame at ending my marriage and what people would say. Our families also do not get along. We are from an Asian background so this is a big issue.

My dad has been ill past few weeks in hospital and he hasn't been helping with the kids. we had an argument and now 2 days later I see his suitcases are packed. Looks like he's leaving.

He's done the packing suitcase act before and I always stop him. This time I don't give a shit. He can fuck off. For all the shit he's put me through and ruined my self belief and confidence. He's gone to work now. I assume he's going back to his motherland in a few days although I haven't seen any evidence of tickets etc. he's blocked my number, deleted me off Facebook etc. my sister is telling me to let him fuck off and have some self respect. I have her support.

How can I prepare? I don't work. My dads ill in hospital. That's all that matters right now but I feel I should be prepared.

Sorry for being all jumbled up. I don't really feel angry/sad/anxious about this. I feel nothing.

[lem73]

Glad you're okay.

[BitchPeas]

That's good to hear OP. Sorry about your dad, must be so stressful

Letting him do whatever he wants is good advice. Ignore him and go to bed. Take care of yourself.

[AliceInUnderpants]

OP When he checks the bag, he will know you are on to him. Please call your brother and get him round NOW.

[MaybeDoctor]

Please flag this with school and police. Stay alert, please.
When a relationship ends is the most dangerous time.

[AnyFucker]

Please take care and keep a charged phone by you at all times.

[Lookingforward2016]

Yes. It occurred to me too. What will happen when he checks his bag? You also should deposit all these documents somewhere very safe. For e ample your dsis or brother?

[Lynnm63]

Can you sleep with all three kids in one room with you in case he waits til you're asleep and tells the kids it's a big surprise for mummy when she wakes and he slips away in the night. Do u have a room you can lock yourselves in if he starts just in case your brother isn't there fast enough.
No trying to scare you OP just covering bases.

[AcrossthePond55]

It's good that you have 'contacts' in the home country.

I second a pp regarding getting your papers out of the house. If you have any valuables (i.e. jewelry, coins, etc) that won't be missed you may want to move those too.

You may want to consider packing a 'go bag' for yourself and the children in case it gets to the point where it's intolerable. It doesn't have to be physical violence that makes a home into a hell. A couple of days clothing, meds, phone charger, and some cash, enough for a taxi or train fare to your dsis or dbro. I had one for years.

[EchoOfADistantTide]

He is not legally allowed to take the children out of the country without your consent - it is against the Hague Convention.

Not every country is part of the Hague Convention and if the OP is in one of these (GCC countries for example) he can waltz off with the children and immigration won't stop him.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

It's very easy to take children out of the country without the other parents consent. Please don't think there is some clever system that will prevent this, there isn't. Ds often travels with either just me or his father and they sometimes make a half hearted effort to check - I received a phone call from border police once but as it was xh who provided my phone number I could have been anyone. They are more concerned when coming back into the UK because of immigration rules I think, but even then I just have to prove I'm his mum rather than looking for parental consent.
Also - reporting the passports missing won't necessarily mean he can't use them.

[Ememem84]

vince surely though if op's cancelled the passports they can't be used? or am I just being really naive?

Good luck op.

I second other posters. Keep yourself safe. If you can, maybe get your brother round.

[GrandHighWitchy]

He's asleep downstairs and all children are upstairs with me and Safe. They all go to nursery and school today so he might try to pull a drama after they've gone. I really should ask him wtf he intends to do so I can get my finances sorted but I don't want to be the one who instigates anything as it gives him more importance.

Also the passports aren't in his bag. So he must have hidden them. How can cancelled passports be used?
A few of you have mentioned passports for the other country, but they only have one British passport and identity cards for the other country. I don't know where those identity cards are either.

Another long day.

[lem73]

Good question Op. I'm trying to think at what point during the process of flying out of the UK does anyone stick the passport details in a computer rather than just look at the photograph.

[Anomite]

From what I have seen it wouldn't be a problem getting out of the UK but upon arrival where it would be flagged up..

This is a completely different scenario-
(someone hoping to use a cancelled passport as they couldn't find their new one)
but found this from an ex airport worker when googling it...

^Ex-UKBA policy official here.

Travelling with this passport will not work. She should have no problems getting out of the UK (assuming there are no exit controls on the day you travel) but she will almost certainly not be allowed into Spain. The Spanish will have the details of all cancelled UK passports and hers will be flagged as soon as it is scanned on arrival. She will then be out on the next flight back to UK.^

Hope all is ok OP

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Passports are scanned when you check in, so it will be impossible to fly on cancelled passports.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

^ because of that. Depends where he would be flying to. On exiting the UK they will just check photos.
You may need to go to court for a prohibited steps order

[Anomite]

I think you ought to get some professional advice on this.. For peace of mine.

Someone mentioned Reunite up thread.. www.reunite.org/ Maybe you could start with them and they could guide you.

Others have mentioned the police. I know it's a tricky situation as you are both in the house, but I do believe you ought to get some proffesional help here...
Good luck

[PuellaEstCornelia]

Last time we flew our passports were scanned at the check in gate, not passport control. We wouldn't have got to passport control with an invalid passport.

[PhoenixReisling]

Personally, I would pretend to take the children to school/nursery and take them too a relatives house.

I would contact the police/WA and maybe have a look at this:

saheli.org.uk/

I would try to act as normally as you can, so that he doesn't get a hint that you know.

[lavenderhoney]

You aren't telling him what you know because he is planning to fuck off and take the DC and if you tell him you know he will just bring his plans forward plus he has form for violence.

He is not going to say " busted" sort out your finances and leave the kids. It concerns me how he plans to go out with all the kids - has he ever done that? Does he ever go out with just one?

You do need to ensure that the correct steps are taken to stop him travelling with the children. Contact reunite for help and go and talk to a solicitor about stopping him taking the DC out if the country. Don't wait about for him.

The Hague convention does not apply to everywhere. That is why reunite exists and court orders Etc.

[DarkBlueEyes]

I would definitely report those passports immediately as whatever motivation he has for taking them, it's not going to be good, is it? Personally I'd put the suitcases outside and change the locks. Don't just hide stuff in the house (well done for finding the paper work), get it out of the house and give it to your sister for safekeeping. I'd be worried he'd get violent to find them. Tell the school you are worried that your children are at risk of abduction and make sure no one but you or your sister picks them up from school. Good luck. You sound sensible and strong and you are better off without this man. Big hugs to you xxx

[Goingtobeawesome]

Have you warned the nursery and school your husband is not to take the children? If they say they can't stop him I would be not sending them. An inset day you forgot, maybe?

[bakeoffcake]

Please tell school and nursery that NOONE is to collect the school other than you or your sister. Tell them you are very concerned H is planning to take them out of the country.
i would also try and phone one of the helplines mentioned upthread.
Stay safe and I hope your H buggers off today and leaves you all in peace.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

If the ID cards are National ID cards from an EU country then they are valid for travel in the EU (including to and from the UK) without a passport.