X used my credit card/fraud - WWYD?

[donners312]

Have posted about S2BXH before but can't find my post.

Quickly, he isn't paying CM, doesn't bother with the children, doesn't see them then sends me abusive messages that don't make sense all the usual basically.

Anyway I have just found out he has used my CC to purchase stuff (albeit for the children) and the bank says it's fraud.

It was online and I have no idea how he got the card details (possible went into my bag several months ago or asked the children for the details over the phone)

I don't want to waste police time but am furious that he thinks he can steal from me?

WWYD?

[donners312]

I think you are right gobbolino. He just acts so entitled it just makes you want to - well I don't want to say.

I cannot tell you all the horrible things he has done to me and my 2 lovely children in the last 9 months.

I never knew if he was well meaning but very stupid, or a manipulative nasty bastard!!!

I left it years before i left him as i wasn't sure but i definitely have my answer now!!!

[Gobbolino6]

I'm angry and I'm not even involved!

[donners312]

Oh thank you gobbolino - that is so lovely of you!

It is so frustrating to feel there isn't much you can do. Like in this latest example i will report it but i doubt the police will do much.

Plus he is in another country anyway. Although he has stolen my watches and is even saying i stole his so i could file a report there I guess. He is also living with his GF which would definitely get him in jail, but i don't want him deported and put on a plane back here!!!

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

You need to report to Action Fraud and also to the police.

Don't let him get away with this. He's done it knowing that you'd struggle to report him, and that he'd probably get away with it. It's incredible that he's got the cheek!

[goddessofsmallthings]

This is theft pure and simple and should be reported the police in order that your bank can return the monies your ex has defrauded them of to your bank account and pursue him for repayment.

If your ex is living in another country the police will be hampered in investigating the matter fully, but you will be in possession of a crime number whcih will ensure you are not out of pocket as a result of his criminal activities.

Please rest assured that, unless the total sum involved is £thousands, it is highly unlikely that a warrant will be sought for his extradition to the UK.

When the monies have been returned to your bank you can use them to pay for the goods if you so desire.

Out of curiousity, were the items which you say were bought online by your ex using your stolen cc details sent to your address for the benefit of the dc or they are in his possession?

Fwiw, the Action Fraud site is of no relevance in this situation and you're best advised to discount it.

As others have made clear, if you fail to report this theft you are effectively giving your ex licence to do it again.

[donners312]

thank you - do you think i should go into a local police station and then ask them rather than use action fraud website?

The children have the stuff and i don't want the money back from the bank they did offer to refund it today.

I explained in full what had happened and that we were not yet divorced but they said it is clearly fraud.

I just want him to realise this is fraud and I want more evidence to present to the court of all the mad things he has done - the list is quite long and i have documented it and do have proof.

He literally doesn't want to spend a penny on the children and this is further evidence.

He has lost his job now (has plenty of money though) so may well have to come back here - which i really dread but tbh doubt we would see him for dust!!

He has been so careless for the children though I wonder if a court would say they didn't have to see him not looked into all that - still trying to get out of the starting blocks with this bloody divorce. He is totally uncooperative!

If you met him you would think what a charming and lovely man he is.

[Bogeyface]

If you dont accept the money back from the bank and it being flagged as theft then it is no evidence at all that you can use. The only way you can use it in court is if you have the evidence that a) he did it and b) the bank treated it as fraud by refunding you.

[goddessofsmallthings]

From the bank's point of view they've been defrauded, but the fact is that he stole your credit card details and used them to defraud by impersonating you online and, as such, you're best advised to report the theft to the police and obtain a crime number.

As it appears you've accepted the goods and have told your bank you don't wish to be refunded it's unlikely the matter will go any further but, nevertheless, the crime number and an account of what took place can be used as evidence of his underhandedness unreasonableness in any divorce proceedings.

Have you asked your dc whether any of them gave your credit card details to their f?

Fwiw, this incident alone will not be sufficient to convince a court that he shouldn't have contact with the dc, but as he's not in the UK this doesn't seem to be an issue at the present time.

[donners312]

Thank you Goddess - I am not trying to stop him having contact with the children, so far i have bent over backwards regularly sending him photos and updating him. Until he lost his job last month he didn't bother with the children at all.

Now he is bombarding 11 yr old DD. I don't know what to do he is trying to manipulate her and is sending he messages like "sorry if you have got into trouble with mum because I am messaging you" even though she has not even mentioned me to him once???

I ask the children to call him every sunday but he doesn't pick the phone up 9 times out of 10. I have logged it all on a spreadsheet so I have proof.

I just want evidence that proves how dishonest etc he is. I do have a fair bit so it is just one more thing to add t quite a long list. For example he has hidden all our joint savings and claims to have no money etc and literally lies about everything!!!

[donners312]

Well now I have had his Form E.

Full of lies of course and just unbelievable - reckons I am worth hundreds of 1000s and he wants half?? Good Luck!!!

He needs 90K per year to live but proposes paying me 4K per year once he has a job (which he is not anticipating getting)

And despite not even sending a card for the children at christmas, bought his girlfriend a bag for a thousand quid and a business class flight for 5 grand!!! Not to mention the hotel they stayed in etc

Shameless!!!!

[Bogeyface]

Changed your mind about going to police then?

[Bogeyface]

And presumably no one has told him that Form E is a statement of financial fact, not a fucking wishlist?!

[donners312]

No I am going to the police tomorrow. Wish me luck am sure they won't do anything but at least i will have filed it.

Does anyone have a clue what they will do?

I just wanted to wait for someone to come with me because I don't want to go on my own.

Now I have gone through his bank statements I can see he has transferred tens of thousands and some weeks withdraws up to 20K in cash.

Just shameful!!

[MadisonMontgomery]

I am not sure what the police will do as he is in another country - BUT it is still fraud and you need to have it on record.

[donners312]

Thanks Madison - he is threatening to come back here and live off benefits.

Am hoping he is so in love with OW that he decides to stay there though!

[Bogeyface]

Now I have gone through his bank statements I can see he has transferred tens of thousands and some weeks withdraws up to 20K in cash.

thats not shameful, thats hilarious! Presumably he thinks that by taking out all this money in cash it will just disappear, whereas actually if he cant satisfactorily account for it, then it will be counted as assets and you will be awarded half.

[goddessofsmallthings]

he is threatening to come back here and live off benefits

Great news - you'll be able to send his bank statements to the benefits office so he can be done for another fraud.

[donners312]

Ha ha Goddess I actually thought that but didn't want to write it!!! Of course I wouldn't do such a thing he he!!!

Not funny though I am off to solicitor and feel so ill not slept all night.

She briefly described his Form E as bizarre but said she will discuss with me later. Said she has never seen anyone try to claim for the things he has. Like you say Bogeyface he thinks it is a wish list, brilliant description!!

[jayho]

My ex put private flying lessons on his so he could maintain his pilot's license, but, no, he didn't anticipate working or paying child support.

This type must come from a very specific gene pool.....

[shoeaddict83]

My ex put flights to the USA to see his OW on my credit cards...ran up £30k debt but judge threw my case out as he knew my pin it was classed as a 'gift' not fraud! Despite me saying i would never Gift him effing flights to see the woman he was having an affair with!
takes all sorts i suppose...

[Bogeyface]

shoe thats terrible, did you ever get any of it back?! £30k.....thats astounding!

[goddessofsmallthings]

Heaven forfend that you should shop him, donners - I'll happily do it for you

[shoeaddict83]

bogey nope!! And i know this story sounds made up but honestly its not - he refused to pay me or my parents back any of the money we had paid out for the wedding he never intended to go through with in 3 months time. (instead married the OW 5 months later!!) I discovered the debts on the C Cards and then a few months later he went and won £59k on the bloody lottery (i still had access to his online lotto account and heard about it so went on and checked after he lied to me about it) but he STILL refused to pay any wedding cancellation costs or the card bills. I took 5 years paying it all back
Such a nice guy - still not sure why i was with him so long....

[Bogeyface]

You know what? I never think "Thats made up" because ime what real people will do to other people is often far worse than anything you could imagine.

At least you are rid of him, as he would have continued to bleed you dry for the rest of your lives together, I cant help wondering if his OW is still happy to have "won" him.

[donners312]

OMG shoe that is terrible - it is impossible not to feel so angry for you!!! How can they live with themselves I just don't understand.

Thank you Goddess!!! I just pray he doesn't come back!!

My solicitor said to not report him for fraud because..... men do it all the time and the judges don't care when it goes to court. And it can stop him getting a job.

I feel so depressed now basically he can do what he wants not paying maintenance etc and now I just have to wait for a court case.

Said now he doesn't have a job not much I can do.

Feel sick as a dog!!