X used my credit card/fraud - WWYD?

[donners312]

Have posted about S2BXH before but can't find my post.

Quickly, he isn't paying CM, doesn't bother with the children, doesn't see them then sends me abusive messages that don't make sense all the usual basically.

Anyway I have just found out he has used my CC to purchase stuff (albeit for the children) and the bank says it's fraud.

It was online and I have no idea how he got the card details (possible went into my bag several months ago or asked the children for the details over the phone)

I don't want to waste police time but am furious that he thinks he can steal from me?

WWYD?

[shoeaddict83]

You sound like s lovely person with her head screwed on OP. You clearly know what's best for your kids and I applaud that. As u say it's better him staying where he is so only you know how best to handle that.
I would say stick with what your solicitor says then!
Focus on yourself you sound like you have a strong support network which is the most important thing, I honestly could not have got to where I am today without my friends and family rallying round, they were amazing! And you will get there-it seems distant but you will I promise!

[donners312]

Thanks shoe addict I love hearing stories like yours when you come out the other side and everything good!!! You have done amazing to get to that point!!! he sounds another vile and disgusting excuse.

Gives me hope but I can't imagine how i'll ever get from here to there!!

Honestly he really is an utter tosser.

He won't pay anything or do anything never even calls them but I prefer him on the other side of the world than here so don't want to limit his options by forcing him back here (i.e. if he had a fraud thing against him might not get a job and end up back in the UK) I am so desperate that doesn't happen!!!

Now I just need to get on my feet and find a job so I can support the children!!

I do feel lucky though i have amazing children and amazing family and friends - he has none of those things just money but what happiness can that bring with out love (of your children to share it with, I will never get it)

[shoeaddict83]

Thanks, worked out for best in the end was just a tough year or so after finding out! Think I got the better deal though now!! Was worth £30k to finally break away from him!!
Sorry was referring to CMA as child maintenance but I missed the fact he was abroad-my mistake. What a Tosser, taking no responsibility for his kids??
I would definitely get the money back from the bank for a start though as it sounds like it's money you need if he can't/won't pay anything. If he's refusing to pay now it didn't sound like hell ever accept responsibility anyway so id be inclined to not care that it'll stop him getting a job if you report him-you owe him no loyalty!

[donners312]

I like your style shoe addict!!! and seriously good on you!!

What is CMA? my solicitor said not much I can do - he is accepting 0% liability for the children as he has no job and is overseas. I said OK i'll accept 0% liability for the children as I am also unemployed so now what do we do with them?

Idiot!! but seriously how can these idiots just walk away from their children like that?

Thanks Bogey - but no there is no way of chasing the money and he has also cleared out bank accounts already.

I was hoping he would pay maintenance but now the twunt has lost his job so I can't even chase him for that.

[Bogeyface]

Shoe if he is not in the EU or in a country where there is a reciprocal arrangement then not sure if they could collect any money from him. Worth a try though.

[shoeaddict83]

Can you not apply for CMA? you dont have to go to court for that do you?

[shoeaddict83]

Well Karma is a bitch - he found her in a club toilet with his best mate a few months later having some fun!! They still got married and had 2 kids though and are happily ensconced in our old house together according to mutual friends. (incidentally literally 2 streets from me and my DP but never ran into them yet)
Shes welcome to him, looking back it was a toxic relationship and id rather take the 30k debt than have gone through with a marriage to that! Met an amazing guy since and now know what a happy, loving relationship actually is!
We did go to said mutual friends wedding last year, first time id seen him since we split 7 years ago, and she had the cheek to come up to me on the dancefloor and offer me a vodka red bull as a 'peace offering'!!! Just took the drink put in on the nearest table untouched, and carried on dancing, couldnt be bothered to waste my time responding to her!

[donners312]

OMG shoe that is terrible - it is impossible not to feel so angry for you!!! How can they live with themselves I just don't understand.

Thank you Goddess!!! I just pray he doesn't come back!!

My solicitor said to not report him for fraud because..... men do it all the time and the judges don't care when it goes to court. And it can stop him getting a job.

I feel so depressed now basically he can do what he wants not paying maintenance etc and now I just have to wait for a court case.

Said now he doesn't have a job not much I can do.

Feel sick as a dog!!

[Bogeyface]

You know what? I never think "Thats made up" because ime what real people will do to other people is often far worse than anything you could imagine.

At least you are rid of him, as he would have continued to bleed you dry for the rest of your lives together, I cant help wondering if his OW is still happy to have "won" him.

[shoeaddict83]

bogey nope!! And i know this story sounds made up but honestly its not - he refused to pay me or my parents back any of the money we had paid out for the wedding he never intended to go through with in 3 months time. (instead married the OW 5 months later!!) I discovered the debts on the C Cards and then a few months later he went and won £59k on the bloody lottery (i still had access to his online lotto account and heard about it so went on and checked after he lied to me about it) but he STILL refused to pay any wedding cancellation costs or the card bills. I took 5 years paying it all back
Such a nice guy - still not sure why i was with him so long....

[goddessofsmallthings]

Heaven forfend that you should shop him, donners - I'll happily do it for you

[Bogeyface]

shoe thats terrible, did you ever get any of it back?! £30k.....thats astounding!

[shoeaddict83]

My ex put flights to the USA to see his OW on my credit cards...ran up £30k debt but judge threw my case out as he knew my pin it was classed as a 'gift' not fraud! Despite me saying i would never Gift him effing flights to see the woman he was having an affair with!
takes all sorts i suppose...

[jayho]

My ex put private flying lessons on his so he could maintain his pilot's license, but, no, he didn't anticipate working or paying child support.

This type must come from a very specific gene pool.....

[donners312]

Ha ha Goddess I actually thought that but didn't want to write it!!! Of course I wouldn't do such a thing he he!!!

Not funny though I am off to solicitor and feel so ill not slept all night.

She briefly described his Form E as bizarre but said she will discuss with me later. Said she has never seen anyone try to claim for the things he has. Like you say Bogeyface he thinks it is a wish list, brilliant description!!

[goddessofsmallthings]

he is threatening to come back here and live off benefits

Great news - you'll be able to send his bank statements to the benefits office so he can be done for another fraud.

[Bogeyface]

Now I have gone through his bank statements I can see he has transferred tens of thousands and some weeks withdraws up to 20K in cash.

thats not shameful, thats hilarious! Presumably he thinks that by taking out all this money in cash it will just disappear, whereas actually if he cant satisfactorily account for it, then it will be counted as assets and you will be awarded half.

[donners312]

Thanks Madison - he is threatening to come back here and live off benefits.

Am hoping he is so in love with OW that he decides to stay there though!

[MadisonMontgomery]

I am not sure what the police will do as he is in another country - BUT it is still fraud and you need to have it on record.

[donners312]

No I am going to the police tomorrow. Wish me luck am sure they won't do anything but at least i will have filed it.

Does anyone have a clue what they will do?

I just wanted to wait for someone to come with me because I don't want to go on my own.

Now I have gone through his bank statements I can see he has transferred tens of thousands and some weeks withdraws up to 20K in cash.

Just shameful!!

[Bogeyface]

And presumably no one has told him that Form E is a statement of financial fact, not a fucking wishlist?!

[Bogeyface]

Changed your mind about going to police then?

[donners312]

Well now I have had his Form E.

Full of lies of course and just unbelievable - reckons I am worth hundreds of 1000s and he wants half?? Good Luck!!!

He needs 90K per year to live but proposes paying me 4K per year once he has a job (which he is not anticipating getting)

And despite not even sending a card for the children at christmas, bought his girlfriend a bag for a thousand quid and a business class flight for 5 grand!!! Not to mention the hotel they stayed in etc

Shameless!!!!

[donners312]

Thank you Goddess - I am not trying to stop him having contact with the children, so far i have bent over backwards regularly sending him photos and updating him. Until he lost his job last month he didn't bother with the children at all.

Now he is bombarding 11 yr old DD. I don't know what to do he is trying to manipulate her and is sending he messages like "sorry if you have got into trouble with mum because I am messaging you" even though she has not even mentioned me to him once???

I ask the children to call him every sunday but he doesn't pick the phone up 9 times out of 10. I have logged it all on a spreadsheet so I have proof.

I just want evidence that proves how dishonest etc he is. I do have a fair bit so it is just one more thing to add t quite a long list. For example he has hidden all our joint savings and claims to have no money etc and literally lies about everything!!!

[goddessofsmallthings]

From the bank's point of view they've been defrauded, but the fact is that he stole your credit card details and used them to defraud by impersonating you online and, as such, you're best advised to report the theft to the police and obtain a crime number.

As it appears you've accepted the goods and have told your bank you don't wish to be refunded it's unlikely the matter will go any further but, nevertheless, the crime number and an account of what took place can be used as evidence of his underhandedness unreasonableness in any divorce proceedings.

Have you asked your dc whether any of them gave your credit card details to their f?

Fwiw, this incident alone will not be sufficient to convince a court that he shouldn't have contact with the dc, but as he's not in the UK this doesn't seem to be an issue at the present time.