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Can I be happy and depressed at the same time?

62 replies

HappyAndUnhappy · 23/11/2006 15:11

My DS is 4 months old now, and I love him to bits. He is such a lovely, happy baby.
But although I feel so happy with him and about him, I feel really low about everything else.
My DH keeps shouting at me because the house isn't as clean as he would like it. The truth is, he is more obsessive about it than me but I do try.
I just do not know where the time goes? I wake up and try to plan my day, but it all goes out the window... you just never know when DS will have a good / bad day, and looking after him is time consuming, I am sure you all know what I mean.
I have put on a lot of weight since being pregnant, and cant seem to motivate myself to lose it. DH also throws this in my face when we fight, and it just makes me feel worse! I feel like I am in a downward spiral. DH is a bit of a Jekyll and Kyde character... when he is happy he is the kindest, funniest, most generous person I know, but when he is stressed or unhappy he can be so mean. I feel like a bit of an idiot for thinking things would change after DS was born.
I feel like I need to motivate myself to become superwoman! Need to excercise, diet, clean, and raise a baby, and work. I have started part time work too, in amongst all this.
I can't speak to any friends in RL as I feel too embarrased to.
I guess it is too much to expect to have a happy, balanced life! I amused to earning my own money (was self-employed) but now that I have none it freaks me out... I am constantly worried about it, but always put on a brave face. DH seems to think that I dont care about it, but I just dont know what my dwelling on it and talking about it will do to help the situation? I thought doing the freelance work would help, but it has put so much pressure on me, I feel like it is unfair on DS - I cant expect him to sit and play quietly while I work! Babies are just NOT like that!
Anyway...last night DH came home in a fowl mood and proceeded to bollock me for the state of the house (that day I had done washing, the dishes, cleaned the kitchen etc as well as started work on a new freelance job, so I felt he was being a bit unfair).. well he shouted a bit, said he didn't want to see his DS because he was angry, and then left and didn't come back till the morning (went and stayed in his office which is around the corner I think) and proceeded to ignore us. I dont care about him ignoring me, but ignoring the baby is pretty shameful I think.
Well he is now telling me he is going to sleep elsewhere from now on but I cant live like this!
Aaargh!

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theUrbanDryad · 23/11/2006 15:27

ok - here's a plan:

tell DH if he wants the house to be cleaner, then to do it himself.
explain to your DH that looking after a 4 month old is time consuming and difficult (i'm assuming this is your first) and feeding etc takes time.
make a list of all the things you don't like about him, physically, throw them in his face the next time you have an argument, see how he likes it.
next time he ignores the baby, pick him up, put him in dh's lap and go and do the washing up or something.

it sounds like you might have a touch of pnd? have you got a history of depression? it might be worth mentioning some of this to your HV...

{{{hugs}}}