The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)


The Last Thread


The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

[ruralreynard]

You can imdoing you left an abusive man, that tells me you are a strong woman. I live in an abusive relationship and haven't managed to do what you have done and leave.
Is there no one in RL you could visit or get to call on you to chat, help with kids or whatever.
I am not much help because I keep going back to the bottle to block out my s*t life. You have done something about yours blody well done!!
Hold onto that thought and listen to faire on here she is our wise woman. She is right, if you keep the door open your daughter will come back. Wish I could be there to give you a hugxx

[louiseaaa]

Imdoingthis - Sweetie - you can do this, it's horrible but I promise this will get better. I had some really horrible times with my kids when trying to get sober - kids don't like it when you get sober because they can't get away with stuff anymore and you parent them better - which is change for them and no-one likes change - it's hard, but it gets easier and the rewards are just indescribable - just soo good :) I promise. Alcohol just steals your soul until you don't care - it takes away you IYSWIM xxx

[ruralreynard]

imdoing Kids always do that when you are feeling s**T been there on that one.
Please try and at least pretend you are feeling better, try to do the things you would normally do now. Get tea? watch telly? make a cuppa.
Keep functioning doing normal things and they might calm down. I have four but I am an oldie and my youngest is 11 but I do remember what you are describing.
You are strong, don't let him win.

[ruralreynard]

imdoing i cross posted with louise she is so right listen to her.
You can get through thisxx
Have to go but there are babes here with you. Keep posting.
Will be back ASAP.XX

[Ladame]

In and out of connection due to storm. Hang in there imdoing

[venusandmars]

imdoing I've just logged on, and what I CAN see is that you've held on for several hours already - well done, that takes strength and courage.

When I split up with my abusive ex I remember nights when I just howled with sadness at the thought of my dds waking up without me there (we shared care between us - a compromise I had to make to get away from a controlling man) and I felt that I had let them down so badly. But that was so much better than staying in an awful relationship. And now my dds are grown up and we are as close as close can be (despite their Dad telling them that I was hard as nails, cold and unfeeling).

Is there any real life help that you can call upon, just to be with you for a little company? Or just keep posting here, there seems to be lots of us around this afternoon.

[Imdoingthis]

It is horrible its impossible right now I feel iv reached the end of something iv just had enough
I have parented different yes when I'm pissed the kids get away with lots more its hopeless it really is
My life's so tough I know others are lots worse its just i look at my kids playing up and when your forced into pregnancy I feel iv come out the other side yeah I got out and I'm left with these children that drain me that used to be controlled into perfect behavour

[Imdoingthis]

Iv not got any family iv got friends but not around here in my new area I wish I had someone to call on
Thanks so much for all your support

[venusandmars]

I'm interested in the posts about whether sober is boring. I know that during all my many drinking years I did take the view that non-drinkers were boring, but that was sometimes because it was harder to hide my own habits amongst non-drinkers, and it was sometimes because they weren't as reckless as I was, and sometimes it was genuinely because they were boring people (whether that drank or not!).

But what I am CERTAIN about is that the big drinking me was boring - monotonous, tedious, irksome - the same old, same old day after day after day: wake up feeling shit, promise not to drink, feel sluggish and depressed, start to recover, open a bottle of wine while cooking dinner, finish wine, eat half of dinner, find other ways to 'top up' while slumped in front of TV (or in front of computer pretending to work), stagger to bed, snore, sleep badly. I did nothing that was fun or exciting - unless you count hiding empty bottles as exciting, or the recklessness of drink driving as fun!

I think that because alcohol is s depressant then the initial stages of being sober can feel a bit flat (until all those lovely B vitamins start to get back to normal levels and help nerve and neural functioning). But what I feel now is not boredom, but something calm and serene (God how horribly smug that sounds ), a place where I feel delight on a sunny day. On Friday I was out for lunch with a group of women friends, none of whom were drinking friends. What a bloody laugh we had, lots of genuine support and care, and lots of rudeness and wit. I am noticed that I was just genuinely happy, really deeply happy. A couple of years ago I'd have been feeling hampered by the lack of drink, and counting the minutes till I could leave them and start drinking.

Yes I'm a bit more shy without a drink, but I'm learning to like my shy little self, and when I do come out of my shell it's because I genuinely feel able to be myself, not a false me, but the real quirky and funny little person, on my own terms. And that's quite nice. And my friends, family, partner still seem to like me, and haven't been driven away by me being sober and 'boring'.

[Ladame]

But what I am CERTAIN about is that the big drinking me was boring - monotonous, tedious, irksome - the same old, same old day after day after day: wake up feeling shit, promise not to drink, feel sluggish and depressed, start to recover, open a bottle of wine while cooking dinner, finish wine, eat half of dinner, find other ways to 'top up' while slumped in front of TV (or in front of computer pretending to work), stagger to bed, snore, sleep badly


venus OMG ^^^^^ This ^ so bloody true!

[Fairenuff]

Incider have you tried just plain tonic water, with the ice and lemon? Keep a stock of it upstairs so that you don't even go down for a drink. Honestly, it's a good alternative to a g&t.

[Fairenuff]

Imdoing how old are your children? Will they be at school tomorrow? If so I think it would be a really good idea for you to get to an AA meeting tomorrow. You will meet people like us, people who understand and you will be able to find a sponsor who you can ring and talk to in person when you feel like this. What do you think?

[Imdoingthis]

They are 2,4,6,10 and 12 so I have two littles in day for half the day
I'd love to go if I could find the confidence

[Fairenuff]

But what I feel now is not boredom, but something calm and serene

I knew it! I saw that lovely aura around you venus

Seriously, I agree with everything you've written. I've been for days out recently where, in the past I would have thought they were 'drinking' types of days.

Yesterday, for example, I met family for lunch. The old me would have had a g&t pre-lunch drink whilst perusing menu. Probably two glasses of wine with the meal (if I slugged the first one I would have time for the second). If anyone wanted dessert, I would have another glass of wine instead.

Then, in the evening, I went to the theatre. I would have arrived in time for a pre-show drink, taken another one in with me (they allow alcohol in plastic glasses in the auditorium), and I would have shot out in the interval to get another.

Instead, I did all that yesterday without a single drink. And I enjoyed it all, messed about with the younger children, had a laugh with the old folk and did not miss drinking at all.

It wasn't boring, it was fun, and today I am refreshed and well rested

[Fairenuff]

Imdoing if you give AA a ring, they can arrange for someone to meet you and go in with you. People have said that all you need to do is just sit and listen. You don't need to say anything and you will get tea and biscuits (possibly cake).

What meetings are there in your local area. Anything that fits in with your childfree time?

[venusandmars]

Imdoing you were brave enough to get away from your ex with most of your dc, you've been brave enough today to come and post on here, I think you'll find that aa is within your scope. All it is is a bunch of people who are / or have been exactly where you are now. They too will have felt the desperation and the despair, they too will have walked into their first meeting. It may not be the 'thing' for you in the end, but call someone tonight and see what you can find out. It's another small step.

[Imdoingthis]

Do you really think they could help then, I'd not considered anything like that ( iv done last orders in past) not much help

I don't have no one in rl nope, no family I have two mates in my old area near him I was kept inside iykwim so I didn't make new friends he cut me off from my old friends.iv moved away and I don't know any one.

[Fairenuff]

I think it will really help you Imdoing. Firstly you will have somewhere to go and meet people, just get out of the house, a reason for getting dressed and staying sober.

Secondly, the sponsor will be there, on the end of a phone, whenever you need them. Slowly, you can start to meet new people and build up new friendships.

There may be groups for parents and toddlers when you feel like going out more. There may be parents at school who you can get to know.

Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. This bus often goes quiet overnight. Most of us go to bed fairly early but if you give a shout, there is usually someone around who will be happy to chat

[Imdoingthis]

Yes early to bed = less craving time I find
I can not thank all off you enough for getting me through tonight
I think I really might call AA tommorow

I would of drank today without the bus, for simple reason there's no one there, no one cares if I drink or not in fact no on knows

Sleep well everyone xx

[aliasjoey]

just checking in to see Imdoingthis well doing for getting this far! You are very strong to be coping with the little kids and stay sober

Well I have applied for the job of Peace Ambassador with the United Nations. I can cite relevant experience of negotiating truces between father and daughter (surely the 2 most argumentative, warring peoples on this planet) My skills are surely needed in war-torn places across the Globe.

Although to be honest, shouting "Would you both just shut the FUCK up!" (loud enough to make the dog whimper) may not be the kind of attitude they have in mind? D'ya think...?

[Fairenuff]

joey

My teen dd seems to have found her voice lately. She's entering the 'know it all' stage a bit late and ds is doing the same a bit early. So I have two vastly experienced teens telling me I don't know what I'm talking about in stereo

They do say, the older your kids get, the less you know

[Imdoingthis]

Thanks alias x