My EA suspected narc punched me!

[Narcmotherstrikesagain]

I don't know if I'm here asking for advice or offloading. Please forgive me rambling.

I am trying to figure out what to do next. I'm going to post this then tell the story. I'm just checking my NC has worked first. I'm not a prolific poster and tend to read rather than post in Rellies.

It is OP again, I've NC'd to something more user friendly.

My family are all my dad's side of the family. Even though my parents split over 30 years ago my mother is still welcomed by them as it is all water under the bridge as far as they're concerned.

My auntie (dad's sis) knows the score and has been present plenty of times my mum has played up. I guess up until the punch everyone just thought "here she goes again" and we'd bundle her into a taxi and send her home. It didn't happen absolutely every time she drank but lately seemed to be becoming more regular. Wine drinking doesn't help, she's better, though not altogether when she sticks to spirits. If she's drinking spirits, she'll usually swap to soft drinks after a bit or water.

Hannah, thanks for posting. It is good know that others have gone through this and come out the other side with a result. I would rather, for everyone's sake that the situation changed and she behaved herself than feuds and estrangements.

My dad said break away until August then gradually let her back providing she walks the line.

Honestly, that's between my mum and her parents - I'm not entirely sure. I think my grandma wrote to my mum, but I'm not sure what was said or what convinced my mum. I know she saw them over a period of a few months by herself, before deciding to tell us about seeing them and telling us if we wanted to see them that it was ok. And it's wonderful having them back in our lives - they were at my wedding last month and my granddad is ridiculously excited about his first great grandchild :)
OP, I'm sure you can do this. Your mum needs to realise what she would be losing if she carries on the way she is, and I think that will hit her hard and really make her think - especially as it sounds like she is very close to your children. I'm sure as a family you will get through it :) but prepare for the next bit to be tough, and stay strong. x

I think you answered your own question. Space from this nightmare is what you really need right now. I would recommend a good break from her - from now till xmas I would suggest, and then review the situation as it goes along.

However, I think she will probably always have the capacity to strike out (either verbally or physically) so what you decide to tolerate and how you deal with that in the future is another question.

I am sure your children will understand if they can't see granny for a while, just keep your explanation simple. (Even when children "love" their grandparents, I think their love and concern for their parents' well-being always overrides that.)

I really want to thank everyone who has replied. I don't normally start my own threads but I think getting it out and getting helpful replies has been good.

I may be back again. Once I start writing the things that have happened over the years I can hardly stop. My posts have been huge but I've deleted more stuff than I've posted.

I don't know about explaining to the kids. I want them to keep being kids IYSWIM. They live in a happy wee bubble and I don't want to burst it. Obviously my elder daughter knows now and we've had to do some explaining, it isn't ideal.

Thanks for sharing your story - I so agree with the other posters about setting up some boundaries between you and your mother. Being a grandmother does not entitle you to see your grandchildren particularly if she has some traits that you'd rather not expose the children to.

We have some rules in our family - my mother cannot babysit our 2DC. She looked after DC1 for an evening when she was 6mo old and we came back to find her sozzled on a bottle of gin. Of course it was our fault for not thinking of DM and taking her out with us. That was 10 years ago and never forgiven or forgotten. Drinking and children don't mix.

My mother does not speak to the children on the phone, as we cannot trust her not to say something inappropriate (though had to smile at the time she decided they were ready for the "birds and Bees" chat aged 5) or that puts pressure on us to do something such as "when's Mummy arranging to visit me next?"

As regarding expalining things to the children you just have to keep it honest and simple (and ensure that they do not think that it's something they've done)