Hi I posted the other day about my dh hating the fact I'm close to my guy best friend.
If I'm honest it's all gone a bit down hill. I'm just going to write stuff down because its easier than keeping it all in my head.
He outright accused me of cheating on him. No evidence or reason to think this other than my friend texting me saying he was home from work (in the other thread I said about this, he was worried about falling asleep on the bus etc.... Very harmless jokey conversation). Anyway this hurt me more than I expected it to. It ruined Christmas for me, I couldn't look at him without feeling angry, I didn't want him near me or hugging me or anything. He sensed I was angry and said that he was leaving, he'd ruined christmas and he'd phone mil to tell her not to bother coming round. I told him not to be selfish, dd and ds were really looking forward to seeing mil. He said he didn't care and if they came round he would be going out. Then it changed to 'what do you want me to do? Leave or stay' I never said anything about going to him?! So this confused me, why was he making it all down to me?
I've been thinking about the past few years and everything all rolled into one just seems so wrong. When I went out for a night out I had a cigarette (I'd quit for 3 years because he didn't like it) I told him on my way home and he hung up, phoned back 2 mins later and said he'd taken 20 paracetamols and he wanted to die. I came home and found out that that was all a lie. I have no idea why he did this?
When I go out he bugs me about what time I'm coming home. It'll go something like this:
'Are you going to get the half 11 bus home?'
'Provably not that's quite early'
'Can you please just get that bus, I want to spend time with you before we go to bed' (baring in mind I go out on my own maybe once every two-three months)
He will phone and text throughout the whole time I am out to make sure I don't miss my bus, along with asking who's out, who I'm talking to and if any 'hot guys' have hit on me.
I will be honest and say that when he goes out I do ask what time roughly he'll be back, I never tell him a time and I don't mind what time he's back I just like to know if that makes sense? I don't phone him and just leave him to have fun.
He is a good husband and father, he is amazing with the kids, I can't fault him on that. He always tells me I'm pretty.
One thing he does do that really gets on my nerves is that he'll do something for me or buy me something, which is nice, but he'll go on and on about all the things he's bought me and done for me.
Anyway, I'm really sorry that's long but I had to write it down. I know everyone has complaints about their OH, I'm sure he has tons about me. I don't even think there's a point to my post, I just needed to get it out.
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I've been thinking.
FrenchRuby · 28/12/2012 17:02
Of course he doesn't want you going out with out him - you might spontaneously have sex with another man! 
It is YOUR special day tomorrow - put your foot down and say I am going out with my friends, will you please look after dd. Sulking is utterly wankerish behaviour and should be ignored.
he makes arguing very hard, he breaks down and cries and makes it very difficult for me to not feel guilty if that makes sense?
Have you ever thought he does this BECAUSE it makes you feel guilty?
If I told him it was over he would cry and probably threaten to do something stupid to himself. Another incident of him trying to guilt-trip you.
Everything you've said about him in this thread and your previous one tells us he's a controlling bastard, and he will slowly get worse over time - slowly, because that way you will get more acclimatised to his behaviours & won't realise just how bad it has got until it's too late. I've watched this happening with friends in the past, watched them slowly being cut off from all their support network & ending up virtual non-persons who can't do anything without their "D"H's approval. And these women started out smart & sassy, just ended up that way over time 
.
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Of course everything is fine in his mind FrenchRuby, because you just try to get on with life while fitting in with his awful behaviour. So he gets what he wants, and you've been trained into not complaining.
Write out a list (I LOVE lists 
) of all the not-good stuff - you can use your posts on here as a starting point. Use that as the basis to tell him why you aren't happy. Then expect anything from one to all of the following list; list is unlikely to be exhaustive, I'm sure others will aff to it!
He will start to cry, & tell you that you're hurting him so please stop. Don't.
He will promise to change. He won't, or at least not in the long term.
He will pick up one tiny little aspect of one or two things on your list, and justify that to death. Then he will suggest that because he's managed to justify that one tiny little thing, everything is OK. He's then managed to turn the whole fact of him being a controlling shite into you over-reacting about something tiny.
He will tell you that you're imagining most of it, and the rest is all you over-reacting. You aren't doing either.
He will blame it all on those (insert his favorite derogatory word for non-compliant women) on MN for trying to tell you that your perfectly good marriage is bad. Or he may blame it on a family member/friend if he hasn't managed to isolate you from them all.
He may lose it & start shouting at you, though I get the impression he tends to manipulate you more by PA behaviours.
Over to you other MNers, add to the list of common ways men react to finally being stood up to.
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