OK,
my DSis and I haven't seen eye to eye for quite some time - the last time I visited her house was in September 2009 when dd2 was a month old. Since then, I've given birth to DS1 - she didn't know I was pregnant with him as I asked people not to tell her. I didn't want her to know. The last time I had any contact with her was in August 2011 when she ruined my DD2s birthday party by starting a massive row with my inlaws 
DSis has 4 DCs, and I love them dearly. I have maintained contact with them even though I haven't had any contact with her.
At the beginning of the summer hols, DSis was admitted to hospital with some unknown illness. My parents begged me to make contact with her, and I did - for them, not for me or for her, but for my parents.
She was discharged from hospital (without a diagnosis) and we met for the first time in 12 months at my parents house. She met my DS for the first time and it was fine.
On Monday this week I took a trip up to her house as it was her DC3s birthday on Tuesday and I wanted to make sure the card and gift was on time. DSis was not expecting me and immediately upon entering her home I felt very uncomfortable - nothing I could put my finger on but very uncomfy.
Her DCs 3&4 told me upon my arrival that I shouldn't use the downstairs loo as mummy has been sick in there and it smells. DC4 also said that Daddy was still at work and he wasn't coming back.
Alarm bells started to ring, and I just felt that she wasn't herself. I thought she had been drinking, but talked myself out of that as I know how ill she has been. DCs asked if me and my DCs could stay for tea - DSis said we must and she would go and fetch takeaway. At this, I said we simply couldn't and had to get home.
I left after approx 45 mins.
On the way home, I called my parents and started off a whole chain of events which I'm devastated by.
I told parents that if I didn't know better I would say she was drunk - parents didn't believe me, so took a trip up to her house unannounced. The shit really hit the fan.
DSis denied drinking, but her whole attitude and demeanour gave her away. She attacked her DH, our parents and all in front of her 4 DCS who were screaming at their GPs to leave as they were making everything worse
It gets worse.
On wednesday, I got a call from DM to say I needed to pick her up ASAP and get to DSis' house.
On arriving there, we find, DSis sat in a heap on the floor covered in her own vomit. The living room floor covered in vomit with the youngest DCs playing in it and the family dog eating it
She was so out of it - sat there in just a bra, completely oblivious to her surroundings. This was at 5pm.
She had collected her children from school in the car in this state (but dressed) just over an hour before. Eldest DC had called her Dad to say they desperately so needed help as mummy was so ill. Daddy called GP and so on and so forth....
Dsis is fighting drunk. DCs are witnessing everything (and it was obvious by their reactions that they've witnessed it before).
Because of her recent stay in hospital, her DH and my DM thought it best to take her back to hospital - she is denying all the time that she has had a drink.
At 10pm last night, she was still twice over the legal drink drive limit - she wasn't fit to be seen by the MH crisis scene until after 2am.
She was vile to the hospital staff, DH, DM - everyone really.
It then all came out. She has been drinking in secret for YEARS. She has conditioned her DCs to say NOTHING by thereatening them with Social Services and telling them they would be taken away.
She has had numerous bumps in her car, and has been breathalysed on one occassion that we are aware of (obviously clear on this occasion). Her DCs finally admitted that mummy often mounts the kerb when driving and they have been covering up for her.
She also has major issues with dependency on painkillers. Again, she has denied this vehemently.
She was sent home from hospital soon after 5am today. She has a crisis team in place who will visit her daily at home. She is on a detox as she is severely alcohol dependent.
She missed her DC4s first day at school and her DC1s first day at Secondary school due to her drinking.
When she arrived home, her first concern was that she didn't want to see her MIL, and after that I received a call to ask if I had seen her iPad as she couldn't remember what she had done with it.
I dropped EVRYTHING last night to go to her and her DCs, and her major concern is updating her facebook status :(
I am disgusted, angry and ashamed of her. Right now I don't want to know her. I am livid that she has risked her children's lives and the lives of others by driving drunk on a daily basis for god knows how long.
I will do anything to make sure the DCs are safe, but I'm not sure I can see her without without giving her a good hard slap 
Is this wrong? Should I be supporting her unconditionally?
AIBU for being this disgusted with her?
Where do I go from here?
She has some deep rooted issues which she had told everyone she was addressing and was getting counselling for - this was also a lie.
I'm gutted
Sorry, I did say it was long.
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to feel ashamed and disgusted? Should I be showing compassion?(Long - sorry)
BabylonPI · 13/09/2012 22:24
Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me, it is so comforting to get any kind of an insight into the why's and wherefores of what is happening.
A lot of people at the moment are saying that they knew it, they had a gut feeling, and worst of all, I told you so.
I am just replying right now with: thanks for your input, it's really not very helpful right now.
Later today, we are holding a "meeting". There will be me and my DH, our parents, DBro, her MIL, her DH and our Aunty.
Dsis will be present but it has already been made clear that decisions will be made with her best interest, whether or not she agrees with them. I have said it may be easier for her and for us if she isn't there, but she wants to know what is being said about her.
It is unclear yet whether a social worker will be there, however it is likely that there is going to be a CP conference very soon where all 4 DCs will likely become subject to a protection plan (not the at risk register anymore).
If we can have a plan in place before this, and SS are happy with it, then hopefully that will make it easier all round.
Our primary focus is the children. They will remain our focus and in good time we will arrange for the children to receive counselling. Especially the eldest. She is just 11, and it seems she has been parenting the younger 3 when dads been at work, maybe for as long as the last 2 years - could be even longer
Please keep holding my hand. I'm feeling wobbly myself this morning. DBro called me in tears - he has also had no contact with Dsis for a long time. He too is gutted. He wants to help and the one thing we all do agree unanimously is that we will offer unwavering support to the DCs for as long as we need to.
Hi bossy, I did get some sleep - not loads, but enough.
Short term I could take all 4 DCs - I've already secured provisional school places for the 3 primary age DCs.
Her DH has had an awful lot of time off work already, and although he is a partner, and effectively his own boss, we are all too aware that partnerships can be dissolved. . That would be catastrophic.
WRT shopping, her DH has already sorted for it to be done online. He has taken her cash and cards from her, and her car keys. She is not in walking distance of a shop - but we're not daft - if she wants a drink she will try anything.
That is something we will work hard to manage as best as we can.
The 7 day detox she's doing is probably a course of Librium. It allows you to go cold turkey without side effects - its a bit like Valium - GP will prescribe it if someone wants to give up but is drinking over a certain amount a week in terms of units which is described as "dependent" levels.
If you are further on in the addiction process and can't do a 7 day home detox then you need a residential one, that's the bottle or two of Vodka a day for the past 10 years type people...Librium wouldn't cut it for them.
They are probably (crisis team) delivering them daily so she doesn't misuse them, because she obviously has a history of misusing over the counter stuff etc.
Its hard being a mum, as you know. Some cope better than others. Part of her recovery really is her wanting to stop drinking at dangerious levels or dependant levels - for some, abstinence is the only way, others can learn to drink "sensibly" again.
I go through stages of alcohol dependency, not in a physical sense, but psychologically - me and my husband both go through these stages where we know we are drinking too much and we cut back, have a month off, "dry July" etc, sometimes we have a month where we only drink "out the house" so we'll have one at the pub or a barbecue if out but not buy any for home, that kind of thing. Its our way of not sinking into the full on addictive type of drinking. I still drink too much occasoinally; its usually my vanity and exercise/weight loss efforts that stop me doing it too much. Its tricky if alcohol (well for me its Wine, I can happily leave anything else) is your vice; it can be so damaging, if you consider a woman isn't supposed to drink more than 2-3 units a day max - well that's a 250ml glass of Shiraz. HOW FRUSTRATING!!! 
- so its inevitible that people will drink over the recommended amounts but its scary to think it doubles your risk of breast cancer, for instance. And it's expensive.
Try not to judge her too much, but it has to come from her to an extent - she probably needs to deal with her MH issues which are possibly what turned her to "self medicate" in the first place. Get yourself to Al Anon and take it from there. She might not want to do AA - Alcoholics Anonymous - it doesn't suit everyone. The NHS are good, they have good guidance for people who are worried they are drinking too much and their info isn't "you have to stop forever" which I think for some people puts them off. I know AA don't tell people to stop forever but there is a bit of that about it, even if it isn't their official line...
Thank you a million times and more for your posts and PMs - there are lots of them, and I feel very humbled by some of the things which have been shared.
I've had a bit if a meltdown this afternoon and I've cried and cried for the sister I used to have. I know she can be her again, but probably not in the near future
It all seems very futile right now.
My DH will be home very soon and tonight I am taking some time out for my family. DH has been away all week, and I just want to catch up with him and spend some time hugging my DCs close.
Forgot to add, Dsis is still in total denial.
Her biggest concern remains the whereabouts of her iPad and updating Facebook
Because of this, her crisis intervention team have asked us to wait until Monday at the earliest before attempting any kind of planning meeting.
Her DH will ensure the welfare of the DCs over the weekend, and we shall take it from there.
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