Big, but temporary, financial change. Should I postpone divorce?

[Kaelle]

Global Guy, always too busy to be a husband or a dad (about 5 nights home per month for the last three years), has left the marriage, declaring one year ago that he didn't love me anymore.

Now he has finally said that it's over and he wants to divorce, but he hasn't filed papers yet. Last week, I discovered that his income for next year, always determined at this time of year, will be a lot less. He's a partner in a big global firm and paid based on their profits, which to no one's surprise I'm sure, have taken a nose dive.

This means that whereas I thought I would be financial secure, I may not be, all for a (hopefully) temporary blip in income. We might not be able to ensure that I keep the house AND pay for his new place AND pay for what will surely be an expensive divorce. As an ex-banker and mgt consultant myself (though gave up work 9yrs ago to be full time mum to 3 DD's, 13,11 and 5) I manage all our money and I know we cannot do it all.

This house, absolutely lovely and the result of a creativity I never thought I had, means a lot to me AND the girls. They are very upset at the thought of moving, and GG has said we do not have to move.

On his residence, he has been sleeping on friends' sofa in London for the last 6 mos and is desperate to find somewhere to live, but on the verge of signing for a 1 bedroom flat, fully furnished on the East side of London (we live 60 mi SW of London..) I told him that was NOT on. So now, he's looking for somewhere W of London....

On divorce side, we both have London sols....and have agreed to go through the collaborative process, though I'm still questioning whether all his lying denial, procrastination and running away, will make this avenue possible. We have been given scary cost figures by our sols if we cannot go collaborative.

Two months ago, when he finally told me that he wanted out, and I told him that HE had to file papers and not me, that I was NOT the one leaving the marriage it was him, I felt some sort of catharsis. My efforts to find the key to make him realise what a mistake he was making, were over, and I felt better. However, now that I face financial insecurity for a temporary blip in income, I'm wondering whether I can face postponing our divorce for a year, allowing him the opp to find a place where he can be a dad...

However, I sooooo want to move on. I want to leave this limboland and put everything into some predictability for my girls, getting him to be in more frequent contact with them...Any thoughts????? (sorry for the long opening...these things are so involved, aren't they?)

[drfayray]

Kaelle, take heart. Easier said than done. I do know.

I, too, have no idea where I am going. Well, I do know that at 2 pm Bris time I am going to see the solicitor. Haha. I am frightened and worried. I wish I didn't have to do this. Whole thing is just awful awful awful..

BUT it is happening and I cannot be an ostrich. A friend said that I should be an eagle, soaring upwards and forwards. So ok. I will try that.

And Wisedupwoman, yeah, I get what you are saying. I am embracing my single life. It is not going to be lonely. I have my wonderful children (we are so happy the three of us, well four if you count the Sophiedog and it is hard to ignore her), good friends (going out to dinner on Friday night with 3 of the best, and out for breakfast with another two tomorrow) and well me. I have me. I am good company I am! I like to knit, sew, read and watch films. And I am making sure I have time to do all these things I love.

Wisedupwoman, good luck with the knitting. I taught myself (books and youtube; check it out) and now am trying more complicated patterns to challenge myself. Poor friends are the recipients of my efforts. Poor DD and DS have more scarves and beanies than they can cope with . It soothes me. Knitting is wonderful. Do try bamboo needles; I find them a delight.

Kaelle, be strong. We are in this together. And we will be Gloria! (Gaynor: I will survive!)

[Wisedupwoman]

Kaelle keep all your energy for you and what you need to do. Don't worry about posting for other's, we'll find you and help keep you afloat.

The rawness is the worst. I tell myself over and over that it will get better in time and it's best not to rush it. And it has got better in many ways as it will for you.

[Kaelle]

I have to spend the day with GG because it's the last day of Pony Camp for DD5 and DD11. I told him a while ago that he should do more to support their passions...so he has taken the day off. Now, I'm regretting it only because I just don't want to be with him, and I don't want everyone observing me to see how I am all day.....I feel an anti-anxiety tablet coming on. I think I'm going to call them pills.

What we don't do for our children. Thing is I'm going to feel like shit all day because he's going to be all nice and charming to everyone, including me....because he's a gentleman and would never cause a scene...and I'm just going to keep on thinking, what the f* went wrong..... AGAIN? And I'm not sure I'll be able to keep myself together. It's just like the knife is going to be grinding away all day....DAMN.

Pretty brave of him too, though, to face all our friends etc that he's just dropped because he's completely left our life....oh shit. It's what I've been asking for, to be more involved with the girls' lives....I just don't want to necessarily do it together and so publicly...I would back out, but there's not way he could handle all three girls and the ponies - my little cousin is here too at camp, so there are three children to look after on "Mock Competition Day. DD13's Senior Camp is next week...And the weather's crap which means DC's will be grumpy and even more nervous....and their will be more slips and tumbles. Such a shame to end a great week this way... but of course the DC's are all excited he's coming.

Anyway, better get my day started. I won't be able to check back in until the end of the day....let's hope it's pleasant and that I won't feel horrible at the end of it....I know I'm lucky that it's pleasant - I know it could be so much worse, but in a way, that would make it easier to move on....but I'm already so full of regrets AGAIN at the start of it. DAMN

With ponies out of the way today, am seeing sols and accountants tomz...thank God I've been putting everything at the back of my mind all week cuz it's really been lovely...but it's all flooding back today. DAMN

[barbiegrows]

That's great that DCs are looking forward to seeing their Dad. Perhaps today could be their day.

It might be a good thing for him to his friends again, particularly for your children to see that. Perhaps you should leave him to it?

[mummytime]

Here is a sneaky {hug}. Just be business like today, get involved with the girls ponies, and leave him to play the gracious Dad. I'm sure you are the more hands on parent at these kind of things, anyway.
Just think about today. Maybe you could delegate DD13 to escort Daddy around?

Try to have fun whatever the weather.

[Wisedupwoman]

You probably won't see this til you get back now, but just want to wish you well. Chin up and tits out as they say here on MN.

It's good overall that he's stepping up to be involved with the DD's. Having said that, one day at Pony Club isn't exactly 'being there' in the same way you are and always have been. Pardon the cynicism K but who is the one getting up at silly o'clock to get everything ready, do the thinking for everyone, worrying about how it's all going to go? You .

Could it be that there's a reluctance on your part to let GG make mistakes with the DD's and so you tell yourself you need to be there to oversee the day? Personally, unless DD was actively seeking both parents there I'd either ask him to make arrangements to see DD on his own, or back out of such a demanding task so soon after the separation. You're putting yourself through an awful lot as it is IMO.

Actually I at the thought of GG trying to manage all DC's and three frisky ponies as well as keeping up the appearance of the perfect gent. But it's no biggy to someone who is accomplished at these things when that's all part of the working day for a SAHM!

[Kaelle]

Thanks girls; tits were out, but deep v in my top was covered up by the very unattractive rainproof....! BUT, It wasn't too bad. Although now that he has just left...I've dashed for the ....He was of course very cordial and civil, and I was completely normal, not edgy or anything, thanks to pill. Good day overall except for the bloody rain and dealing with Ballerina DD11 who lashes out at everything when she's nervous....(She came second in the whole event!!!) GG was useful in that he went back home to get us all a dry change of clothes, and he did tell DD11 to calm down - not that that does much, but apparently when Dad does it....it works better - the exact reason why he needs to be around more...and I told him! I'm not proud, I'm 24/7 so any help which comes my way is good. I even told my cousin to tell her off for speaking to me in that way. I just get tired of telling her, though I persevere because it's the right thing to do. Good for others to chime in though.... Maybe I should give MNers her email...that would be a laugh. DD5 was brilliant and hilarious on her shetland and got rosettes for everything, whatever, as they do in the PC...you just have to show up. She's honestly my gorgeous smiley girl who takes it all in her stride. She was very proud to have her dad watching her. I really honestly love that, even though it makes me sad. I guess that will pass.

As for letting GG do the ponies, nice idea...but that just doesn't work. For anyone who's involved w ponies and children, it's multitasking "to the max". Dads are involved, but more in the spectator/supportive role, which is what he was there to do. He did catch up with friends, who do wonder why he feels the need to dump them too...He's a runner, but must have been surprised at the warm welcome he received from all my friends...I think they secretly hope we'll sort this out cuz, as one friend put it "We just cannot believe this, didn't see it coming and besides never thought it would happen as he was always the model of the charming, flirty, husband who clearly loves his wife..We all love "GG"....and are gutted" But is there any ONE friend who will f*ing give him a piece of her mind, ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing??? No, no one knows him well enough...but that's a whole other topic...It just backs up what I keep thinking, which is: "What was so bad? I don't get it."

Anyway, my rationale for asking him to be there today, to bring DD13 to Senior Camp with me this coming Sunday (where he actually has a "helper" role....and yes, here we go again on Camp no2), and be there again next Friday on Senior Camp Competition day, was to show his support to DD's. It's not meant to be giving me a break....He always said that the best thing we could do for our children was to support their passions...that if they knew how good it feels to be passionate about something, then it will only benefit them in life. I really believe that and it's a big part of who I am as a mother. It doesn't matter if they quit, or change their mind. I just try as best I can to support them when they do show an interest. They all love their ponies, but DD13 is the most passionate....DD11 is my ballerina, so there is massive support to do there....mainly because she behaves like a complete diva already!!! GG really could be a good balance for her, if he saw her more often - he hates emotional outbursts and outright disrespectful behaviour - please let him be here more often!! When challenged about how he was planning to fulfil his so called parental motto when he hadn't done a thing to support their passions for the last few years, he replied that this would change....But, in terms of him completely taking over a pony day...He has honestly said that he does not want to take them anywhere with ponies on his own...reiterated this afternoon when we were going over diaries...more on that later. But fair enough - he's a shitty driver, so I'm FINE with that! He's happy to help them at the house and be here when they have lessons etc, and happy for me to leave for the day. But basically, he doesn't want to trailer them...that always makes me laugh....Wisey it resonates with what you said...I like what I do with the girls and the ponies and feel that these are not the days when he has deep influence on them. That needs to happen elsewhere, and I'm getting there with that. I feel that he's there to show his support, and only on "big deal" days, and today was one of them...I am not afraid AT ALL to let him have the girls...they were in Italy in July just GG and DD's. I was doing my own thing and had a great time! He's a good dad which is why this kills me, and the lack of contact is so hurtful.....

Wisey I do put myself through a lot, but I guess I'm trying to believe that there will always be some things in their lives where we should enjoy them in the same space (note that I did not say "together"). I don't resent his presence, it just makes me feel so sad, and I have to really steel myself for the event, because I don't really understand, and he can't articulate it in a way I can understand. His articulation is so full of emotional immaturity, it shocks me. He's runner, Again.

He had a good role today and the girls were very happy to have him there. THAT's what I wanted.

But there is another side to his support, which is to have them when I am not there. Tough to try to organise that when he still does not have a fixed place. But I'll stop there, suffice it to say we got the diary out....and it is shocking....I need to stop here....

[Kaelle]

I'm so exhausted, I'm off to bed, a bit sad...I hope I have a good night's sleep. I need it.

[Wisedupwoman]

bloody hell, K!

So, glad the day went ok. Good you kept the cleavage dry, nothing worse than damp jugs.

But look. GG is 'happy' to do what he's happy to do and doesn't want to do the stuff he's not happy with. I guess if you're happy with that arrangement no problem. But you know, it's that same old same old. Every time I hear an H say "of course I help out around the house, I'm happy to to the washing up" I think yeah, right, when was the last time you cleaned the oven, the loo, changed the beds, made sure there was clean school clothes, got the kids up for school and got them there on time..........

I come from this from a culturally different place, so my way isn't any more right than any other, but in these circumstances we have to do things we're not entirely happy with, and sometimes that means making someone else less than happy with the status quo. It may be more likely that GG will question his decisions if he's made less happy with the consequences of his actions, K, and sees how much he's missing out on. But then again, he may not, and you may not want to part with any of the responsibilities you have taken on and made a part of your life.

i just wonder what happened to your couple relationship in all this though? I don't get a sense of what it was like. Did you forget that bit of your marriage do you think, both of you?

[Kaelle]

Couldn't face posting. I don't know why. Feel down..have nothing new to say that I feel will generate any interest. Can see lots when thinking about others, but feel blind about myself.

GG had the two DDs today all day, supposedly my day off, but I spent it doing the f*ing e-form prep. I saw accountants yday and am depressed. See sol next week. He saw his sol who says that separation agreement not good idea. Wants us to amicably work it out for a year...but I'm just not limboland girl, and my whole life is rapidly disappearing before my eyes, completely unexpectedly and I'm back to coping one day at a time with the loss of him AND our life...which is where I was months ago.

Wisey I don't know what to do with GG. At least he's more present with the girls, and that's good and they like that. But seeing him makes me stress to the stratospheres - esp today as I didn't take a pill....I wanted him around for DD's so I need to learn to cope with it better. He doesn't do anything horrible, it just makes me incredibly sad that we're not together.....like VERY SAD. I can see that you wouldn't have a feel of what our relationship was like, but it's hard for me to go there right now, cuz it was great, and the whole thing blindsided me. Not that I knew we weren't in trouble, but because never in my wildest dreams did I ever think he would stop loving me...and I really still love him....

Tomorrow he's back for the whole afternoon, getting DD13 off to her senior camp with me and other two DD's- he actually has a job there directing traffic - now that's hilarious - and he has to set up the tent.....he did it last year and swore and sweated through the whole thing...and it's an easy pop up tent!!! Anyway, I helped until he didn't want help and then walked away. I remember the ikea packs when we were first together - I saw him do one and decided that it was much calmer for everyone if he didn't do it. But now, I will just get on with my job of settling DD13 into camp, and hoping to God that her pony won't knock down the whole of the temporary stabling and we will be humiliated into taking him home. Just trying to cope with the day to day. Oh and did I say that I have Darling Cousin 23yrs here from France for two weeks, last week had DCousin 45 with daughter 11yrs doing PC with my DD's. They're back to France now and going to Luton tomz am to pick another Darling Cousin 14yrs staying with me for a few days before she goes to great friends of mine for her exhange. Why do I do this.....for distraction...Keeping busy and all that...

Like I said, I'm back to one day at a time, sitting on my bed at the end of the day, thinking, I got through it, and girls OK. Shakti, got the book reading it, no comment as of yet, but will keep you posted.

BTW Mummytime, you have a really nice way of putting things...makes me think.
DrFay, keep posting..I'll come onto yours next
Saffy- DAMN, I want to pick up the phone...

[Shakti]

Kaelle, it will get better I promise. I totally sympathise with you wanting to know where you stand financially. I also have noticed that the higher earners tend to be more reasonable the closer they are to the separation (guilt perhaps?) than years down the line.

Your girls are so lucky to have you. To care for them you need to care for yourself.

[Shakti]

Ps you are a brave woman to go through whole book but might help you sleep!!! It was the visualisation exercises my friend found helpful. Not sure if they are spread throughout book or grouped.

[Kaelle]

Thanks Shakti, haven't gotten that far...will keep you posted.

[Kaelle]

Shakti - The point about timing of negotiation is a very good one....seeing sols on Wednesday. Will ask. Thanks.

[Kaelle]

Speaking to GG about admin stuff. As I'm going about preparing for form E, I'm discovering that he just has not done the stuff he was meant to do.....will not bore you with details, but you know, I do not want to be with a manchild. He lied through our marriage all the time because he honestly believed that he would do whatever it was as soon as he got off the phone...but it never got done. Lazy lie I would call it.

DD13 pulled a fast one yesterday when we could not find her 2nd epipen...(first one lost the day before when fell out of GG's pocket on an outing - I scrambled yday to find a replacement and of course got it sorted...) she and GG were in his car off to camp with tons of kit, and I was in other car with tons of kit AND the pony. I called her..."Do you have the remaining epipen?" SILENCE. "No mum, but as you're getting a replacement for the first one that's all I need." I calmly said that she had to have two or her life was in danger but that I would let GG decide (as HE lost the epipen, and of course, I was responsible for sourcing another and bringing it to camp later...reasonable given his job, but still....he could sort out the current issue and make a decision as to whether she should attend camp or not.) Anyway, DD tried to tell us that it was lost....long story short, GG remembered exactly where he had put it when she returned from their hols and found it, still unpacked in her carryon, after they turned around and came home to find it. Good on GG, but even more "good on", he said that he really gave her a piece of his mind for being lazy and lying...that that just didn't do in life. When he told me that I about fell on the floor. The lazy, let's avoid a conflict lying was rampant with him. So I said...and how old are you??? And he said, well at least I'm telling her now that it's not on to lazy lie. I will die if my gorgeous DD13 inherits lazy lie. So DAMN, is he now learning life's lessons and things that pissed me off, NOW when it's over??? DAMN. (but at least he's telling DD13 that it's not on.) It's difficult to know what's going on in his head. I feel like he's regurgitating all the feedback I've given him over the years...like he's trying to process it all. And that grieves me. But maybe he just needs space. I have to take Shakti's advice and press for stuff now, but I have a gut feeling that he's being really slow, got overwhelmed w life and just decided to walk away...I don't know....hard not to be hopeful. You've all been there, but this is just not nasty - doesn't that make it more difficult somehow??? No OW makes me feel horrible....shrink says it is 100% his issue no matter how I contributed. There is no serious reason to have left. He certainly hasn't been able to articulate anything convincing. DAMN!!!

[carlywurly]

hi Kaelle, just read the entire thread and so much resonates with me. You sound as though you're still processing the shock, and that can take a very long time. I'm over two years into the process and still have days where I think I've dreamt it all.

I think the thing that helped me most was forcing myself to accept that it was over, and we weren't going to reconcile. I never entertained that thought for long, and we never ever mentioned it as an option. The main reason it did cross my mind once or twice was that it would be the easiest way to remove all the pain.

I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, it's the most painful experience and affects your life on every level. I do think it makes you a lot stronger though, and I feel proud of coping throughout it all. You should do too, it sounds as though you're doing a great job with your dd's.

It does sound as though status is quite important to you - your dd's being at top schools, the involvement with pony clubs etc. It might be that in time your priorities change and you need to reassess what's really important. XH was a high flier and I had a lovely lifestyle to go with that, I've since realised that it's quite liberating not to live in that world anymore. Anyone who judges you for being a single parent really isn't worth knowing, sadly it could happen to absolutely any of us.

I'll follow your journey and wish you well.

[beachbliss]

Please dont think I am having a go but I am interested that you seem to imply it would be easier for you to cope with if he was having an affair. Is that because you were involved in the break-up of his first marriage as the OW and it seems more justifiable to you? Or is it because now you see the devastation caused by a marriage break up at first hand you are feeling guilty about the pain you caused in the past. Regrettably it seems once a man has left one family they find it easier to leave another. I have never lost a husband to divorce, I was widowed at 35, but I gather from friends the emotions are similar to bereavement. Just give yourself time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

[Kaelle]

Thank you carly. Your support and the fact that you've gone through this is what I need to hear. But for all those who are lurking and jumping in and out, I feel like I need to clarify a few things. This is looking like it might be long (what a surprise), but I need to get a few things off my chest.

Firstly, ponies have always been a part of my life and not a status symbol, honestly - my life with them was nothing like what my girls have managed to eek out of me!! Our Pony club is the most fantastic mix of people from all walks of life, and I truly enjoy my time within it and my time with the ponies and my girls. We live very rurally where many children have ponies, because you don't have the ridiculous expenses of riding clubs - you have a spare field and the pony mows it and oh oh your DC's get to ride it too.. Lessons are £12 for an hour!!! Nothing like the £30 or more you have to pay and much more ridiculous things. It's country life....I absolutely love my ponies, more than my dogs...and I absolutely love my dogs like any other dog lover...so there's a lot of positive about that, and I do feel lucky to be able to have the paddocks (and the lovely farmer, no comment, who lets me have a few extra acres, for a case of wine every quarter...) Yes, that's the country...! It's not status - it's just a great thing you can manage to do in the country. And you know how other threads talk about knitting....and others talk about gardening....well there's me and my ponies - a real joy. My most fabulous moments with my DD's. I don't do anything differently with them than my neighbour, a normal hardworking UK farming family. So no, ponies are not a status symbol in my neck of the woods. They're a joy and a passion.

And now for schools..for reasons outlined below, we did managed to get DD's into private prep schools. GG got that education from a very humble background, and would do anything to make sure his DC's got the same opp. He was on a full scholarship to his senior school and got a FULL RIDE to Oxford, completely merit based. SOOOOOO, DD13 got herself into the school she wanted to get into. I didn't do it for her, but I did fight to give her the opp. I've always believed that you should fight to get the best education you can. That was my belief, and not necessarily my parents. So she did it. As for DD11 into the Royal Ballet School, well all I can say is that I am immensely proud of her achievement. SHE did it - it's been her dream forever. Her current ballet teachers told her that she was too dramatic for the RBS, but she replied; "Well, if I don't try, I'll never know, will I, and besides, Darcey Bussell was very dramatic, so they didn't leave her in the Corps de Ballet, and moved her straight up to Principal." We all just burst out laughing...but SHE got herself in. So somehow, my determination has rubbed off on my DD's. Anybody who knows me well knows me to be a loving and supportive but strict mummy. I am not pushy, and I do not live through the achievements of my children...I'm just proud of them and happy that I am able to support them in achieving their dreams.

As for status outside of ponies and schools, well...that's a tough one, and I think you may have touched a nerve there.... I had a difficult upbringing with divorced parents across continents and it was anything but grand. My father refused to pay any maintenance OR child support when my mother moved back home, fair enough. But we were in difficult times. From there, I pulled myself out, I paid for a US uni education with grants, loans and work, worked in a bank, was very successful then left that to go to the top MBA school in the USA, which I also paid for leveraging myself to the hilt - my mother asked me where was the sense in mortgaging my brain??? From there, back to Europe. I have created success for myself. Met GG in our firms - he in London and me in Paris, same firm, same job. So basically, we both achieved and then we achieved together. Am I attached to status...not really. I feel like I've just achieved...and nine years ago, I stopped my personal achievement to invest in his....and now look where I am. As far as status goes, in my book, there is none. I have to get back to work for myself...and yet I have to heal first. So that's why I'm on MN.

[Kaelle]

Beachbliss - good questions...what is worse, a husband who leaves you for another woman...or one who leaves you for.....well I still don't have an adequate explanation....whatever it was, I still don't think it was bad enough to walk away....but the bottom line is that I still don't get it!

[Wisedupwoman]

Hi Kaelle.

Alot's going on for you. I agree with the poster who says you're still in shock and trying to make sense of the nonsensical. thing is, it kind of isn't sensible when you're on the receiving end of someone else's decision - it only makes sense to them because they've done the reasoning about it .

I also agree with the poster who says that our priorities change once the fear of dramatic change wears off a bit. I'm totally in that place. Whereas I first feared losing my home and having to move now I think it will be a good thing when the time is right and I have made the decision. PTM will not, I think, try to force that on me as he knows his DD would be affected.

As for the OW thing, well I have to say that on one level it gives you something to 'blame' the breakdown on in so far as there was a tangible 'reason'. But speaking from experience, it doesn't make it easier tbh, you just get a different kind of wft????

Got to go now, have to go and buy bread. Back later.

[mummytime]

Kaelle you are in the same situation as so many here, just probably at the slightly more privileged end (and I know you worked for it).
If our DH leaves for an OW - you feel inadequate, what does she have that you don't etc? But sometimes you look at her and realise she has nothing you don't, and it was just the thrill of the chase.
If he leaves for no real reason you hunt for one.
Actually in your exHs case I wonder if it is the same thing. Is he addicted to risk? Is that why he goes for the pointless lies, in order to get the adrenaline going? Does he have any dangerous hobbies? That might have been a better outlet for him.
Anyhow just give yourself time and recover, counselling should help, but do also reassess your priorities and see what you really want from life now.

Have a good day, and don't waste too much energy trying to understand what he probably doesn't understand himself.

[carlywurly]

Kaelle, I'm really sorry if what I said touched a nerve and you felt you needed to justify anything. You're obviously incredibly driven, and have high expectations, and that is something to be applauded. I'd imagine having already achieved so much comes with a certain amount of pressure to succeed and to continue achieving, and I think you just need to allow yourself plenty of time and space to absorb and grieve what's happened.

It's just that this kind of situation is so unexpected and beyond your control, you almost have to let it be for a while, if that makes sense, otherwise you lose your sanity. It's difficult to plan anything at all while everything you thought was certain in your life is turned upside down. That feeling won't last forever, but you need to give in to it to a certain extent for a while.

Totally agree with wisedup - I also had an OW (or several, as it eventually turned out..) to explain some of XH's bizarre behaviour. It made it slightly easier to move on, but there were still endless why questions to deal with, plus a crippling blow to my self esteem at the time. I'm sure for you, things will become clearer over time but it's immensely hard when you want the answers now. I do feel for you.

[Wisedupwoman]

Hello again K.

You see? ^ thread people know it from all angles and there's no easy way, no pat explanations (and if he gave you one, you'd no doubt go into orbit about why that).

Until my DS was introduced to OW (less than a week after discovery, can you believe it) i had all sorts of fantasies about how gorgeous she must be. Not a bit of it. to quote DS: "she's as ugly as fuck mum and i'm not saying that to make you feel better either, she really is". So, temporary relief followed by 'so why then?' You see nothing makes it better except time and allowing yourself to let go of the fantasies you are holding K. And you will.

[Wisedupwoman]

Are you ok todayKaelle?