I want to leave my (disabled)husband... I think... confused

[MarySueFTW]

sorry if this is all over the place, I've already started and deleted it a few times so i'm just going to get it out. I've been married for six years to a great guy. We have two small children. two years ago he fell out of a window at a party while drunk and broke his back. he will never walk again, 99% probably. He's still pretty independent tbh, there's loads he can stilll do and I stuck with him while he was really depressed but he's come to terms with it now. I feel so guilty, because its totally not his fault... but I don't want this life forever now. I want to take the kids and start over. theres someone i've become friendly with but who knows what will happen.. but i'd take the chance if things were different, like my husband had ever been a bad father or husband... but he hasn't. i still love him, but to be frank sex is non-existent now and i like sex! its been tough... oh i feel like shit again, i think you've got the picture, not sure what i want or need to hear, just respond if you like, cheers
x

[Scooby20]

Oh ffs

[TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN]

ZOMBIE THREAD

I HAVE REPORTED. NO DOUBT THE OP WOULD RATHER IT WASNT TRAWLED THROUGH AGAIN

CAN WE JUST LET IT DROP OFF THE ACTIVE LIST NOW?

Poor woman 💐

[Chops2016]

I'll probably get flamed for this but I have a lot more sympathy for the husband than the OP. Imagine trying to come to terms with never walking again, never having sex again (op isn't the only one not getting sex- only its worse for him if he has no feeling down there- he couldn't even pleasure himself), and then on top of that having your wife walk out on you with your children when you need them the most.

Obviously this situation is awful for you too OP, but you have admitted that you haven't even talked to your husband about any of this? Perhaps if you did then the situation could improve? He at least deserves a chance to work through the issues with you. Perhaps you could try counselling and/or a sex therapist? You sound like you'd rather just give up and go elsewhere rather than try and make it work. Apologies if I'm wrong in picking that up from your posts.

This is a sensitive subject for me because my husband developed severe back problems after we got married and had to have spinal surgery. Nowhere near as bad as your DH - he can still walk - but he has mobility problems and has struggled with depression since. When he went in for surgery we were warned he may never walk again if the surgery didn't work - a 10% chance they said. So we had to have this discussion and think about it as a real possibility.

I couldn't even contemplate leaving him and separating my DS from his dad because he has a disability and I want sex. But then I know my husband would want to explore ways of pleasing me if he cant have sex normally. Do you think your DH would want to do that? Do you think that would be good enough for you?

I hope it all works out for you, and I urge you to open up and talk to your husband about how you are feeling before doing something you may regret.

[Chops2016]

Oh crap sorry didn't see this was old

[Thinkingofausername1]

Hi. Sorry to hear about your situation.
It's good you are going to counselling.
I think you need to put yourself in your dh shoes. He has had a massive change to his life and where it sounds he is dealing with it well, there will be feelings of guilt etc about what happened bubbling underneath.
I agree with another poster that you should be thinking about him and how you can support him, and possibly cut contact with this other person. Do you still make time for each other and go out as a couple. Have you told him how you feel? it will be a huge shock, if you leave and haven't even talked things through.

[Headofthehive55]

If this happened to one of your children would you call a day on them too?

[Redglitter]

Threads still 6 years old. I imagine the op has made her decision by now

[iamavodkadrinker]

In sickness and in health eh?

You should leave him OP. He'd definitely be better off without you.

Leave the kids as well, they would too.

[MyPanacea]

Hi insickness and in health
my partner had a stroke almost 1 year ago, six weeks after our second son was born.
I need help, all I think about now is leaving, and what custody or co parenting would look like.
I hope you are soing well, and I hope OP is doing well.
Sending OP and you so much love

[AfunaMbatata]

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!

[AlphaStation]

I guess you'll have to come up with some unconventional solution to this.

[Oblomov17]

Is part of the resentment that he was actually to blame? By being so drunk? Would you feel differently if he had had a stroke or cancer. I mean something that no one is to blame for?

It's not the life you imagined. Caring for some one is very hard. Many people struggle with resentment - say when they give birth, to their child and it transpires that they have a complex medical issue that wasn't picked up in pregnancy. Others just cope. Get on with it. But some struggle. The kind of 'why me'? Thoughts.

[Oblomov17]

Oh bugger. Zombie.

[FinallyDecidedOnUserName]

The unspoken question here. Do you feel he is partly responsible as he probably wouldn't have fallen if he wasn't drunk?

[user1497997754]

Orchidskeepdying....I think you are being really unfair on OP calling her selfish....it's her life....she should be making the best of it marriage or no marriage. If she feels that not having a sexual relationship within her marriage is a deal breaker then that's up to her....I think she sounds very sensitive to her marriage situation....I personally would not want my husband to stay with me if he was unhappy....you obviously would...so that makes YOU the selfish one

[DawnMumsnet]

This thread was originally posted in 2011. We're going to close it now as we're not sure the OP would want it resurrected at this stage.