EXP with mental health issues - access questions. Advice please

[baldieswife]

I'm a regular lurker but seldom post. Have typed this post out a thousand times but either include too much or not enough info. So I will try to keep it concise and if you need more info let me know.I'm desperate for advice.
Father of DS (10) has a history of mental illness, it was last evident during Summer 2009. It has become obvious (to me) since Feb this year that he is becoming unwell again.
My concerns are due to his erratic contact (he frequently ignores phonecalls from me and phonecalls/visits from his parents).
There is more to this than lack of contact and I am happy to elaborate but don't want to do huge initial post if some stuff might not be relevant.
I guess basically what I am asking is what is the route I need to take to get medical/professional assurance that my DS father is mentally well enough for my son to have independent access with him.
My uncertainty is due to denials from Ex and his family, yet he is displaying the same behaviour previous to being unwell in the past.

I guess what I'm asking in a nutshell is do I have the right (with ExP consent) to find what is actually going on with him?
I have always beeen very pro active and accommodating with regards to access but the last few months have been dreadful for DS and I need advice.
I'm sorry if this is jumbled or if I haven't explained myself very well.

i think you need to talk your Ds about denial being a big part of MH issues - see for example
www.pathways2promise.org/family/personresist.htm - partiucalrly after a hospitalization.

MIND might have some statistics or research on denial .

(eg my exP persisit in denying there was ever any reason for him to be admitted to a psych unit. it was just i woudlnt let him home so they kindly gave him an en-suite room there.... saved on paying for a B&B...

likelihood is that your ex is ill again - in fact he admits he is physically ill - but wont admit mentally ill for whatever reason. eg family dont want stigma etc.

and is likely to be cyclical - "DS, your dad is ill again, not quite like last year but he is ill. i am sure at some point he will be better and you will be able to spend time like before. it's hard and it's tough for you. is there anyway i can make it up to you?"

you cannot make the reality any different - his dad will come and go in his life - that is the nature of some kinds of mental illness.

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. That link was incredibly helpful - and made so much sense with regard to how ExP is behaving.
You're right also about not being to make the reality any different than what it is.
You have given me lots to think about - rather than focusing on ExP facing up to the "truth" (whatever that may be) I need to put all my attention into helping DS cope with the situation as it stands at the moment. I just needed to regain some perspective.
Thankyou again!

Keep reminding DS that some people are ill in their minds, it's not their fault and (far more importantly) it is not, and never was, caused by anything DS did or didn't do. But that sometimes when people are ill in their minds it makes them not very good at being parents, and that his father loves him but may have trouble showing it because he is ill.
Definitely make your DS your priority in all this (though don't forget to take care of yourself of course). Your XP is not without support, by the sound of it - he has his parents to look after him - and anyway, as both and adult and your XP his feelings and his wellbeing are not your responsibility.