Large communal garden and living centrally vs private garden in the suburbs

[hodgepodge01]

WWYD?
We have toddlers and are weighing up living centrally with a large beautiful communal garden with playground across the road and being close to parks and playgrounds, better transport, museums etc, but being in a large flat with a high service charge, that needs at least some renovating. Or a terrace house in the suburbs with a large private garden. It's been updated but not extended and is in a quiet neighbourhood we don't know so well, but seems family orientated. The commute is equivalent as one is better for either one of us. They are the same price.

The answer for me is in this.

It's a lovely day and the kids are home. You can either:-
a) Open the back door, let the kids step out to play. They have all their garden toys around them, a little den and a paddling pool. You play with them for a bit, pop in to make lunch and take it the six footsteps to the garden table.

or b) Load everything you need for playtime into a cart. Don't forget the snacks and drinks. Has everyone used the loo as you're going to be out for a few hours. Down in the lift. Oh, you've forgotten the blanket. Back up. Down in the lift. Cross the road. Set up in the communal garden. Someone needs the loo. You've forgotten your book.

b) will get so old, so quickly.

If in London I'd choose the communal place every time.

I lived in a central flat (not London) with 2 small children, not by choice and a ropey block - but I loved it, being able to get to lots of kid places by walking, easy food shop, close to a train station. I didn’t have a car then. I liked it much better than the subsequent village house with a garden when the only place I could get easily with them was the garden that they at first couldn’t use unsupervised and then liked to run in/out, in/out ad infinitum and then not use at all. Though I think realistically it was better later on being in a house with tweens and maybe teens than a flat.
I’m back in a central flat of my own and it’s good solo, but honestly I can’t be arsed going up and downstairs now just for air I used to get out of a door! A small price to pay for me now, and worth it for many other reasons, but if I’d got that way inclined with kids then it could have been difficult.
It’s a very personal decision as some hate flat living, and some love it. It’s a shame it’s so hard to move now, as otherwise personally I’d have the flat then maybe get a house further out in a few years for the feeling of space as the kids grow, or even possibly try the house and move back centrally if the garden wasn’t worth any downsides.
Feel for you OP - I still dislike having to make adult decisions even as an older one with years of practice!

Private garden simply because i couldn't be bothered to cart everything and it's a pain if one needs the toilet.

can I ask what percentage of the year your garden gets used?

mine often sit out there and we have the doors open a lot but it's south western facing and gets the sun.

We have awesome playgrounds and parks in walking distance. Access to tennis courts and football also in walking distance. Parks where mums and dads can sit and watch kids kicking about a ball or play together for me were fantastic.

This is quite normal in the burbs.

Is there anyone that regrets being it the burbs or does it not matter because life is all about the kids anyway?

I miss my old area & the buzz of it but I don't have that lifestyle anymore.

does anyone have experience with how much it costs to do an ground floor extension on a terrace house?

100k plus

Yes both are in London. My friend has just told me Southfields is not the burbs...but that was my partner's impression.

I'm a Londoner & grew up in z3 (SW) which I always considered the burbs but some posters get very tetchy about it particularly non Londoners! 😆

Actually funnily enough there are better schools around the flat according to ofsted/school guide

There is a bit of an issue with falling rolls particularly in London so you need to see numbers not just Ofsted grade.

What do you mean by falling rolls?

As someone who has done both - 100 percent the house. We lived in a lovely flat with, caretaker, communal gardens and a large balcony. Was great at toddler stage, loved the community feel and many other aspects. Aged 5-6 it suddenly felt really claustrophobic. Communal gardens can be nice but equally you can’t make them your own. It gets draining always having to ‘plan’ your day. Did it for 7 years, my eldest just turned 8 and we had saved up and have finally moved to a house this summer. It’s on the very edge of the city much more rural location but easy enough to travel into central. Much more space, own private garden, and tbh, it’s absolute bliss in a way I’ve never actually known. I grew up in a flat as a child, have always lived in flats. Theres just such a lovely feeling of freedom my kids are in heaven playing in the garden at any opportunity.

I think you sound like you'd prefer the flat, despite the majority of opinion on here. A dear friend of mine stayed in a central apartment with 2 boys when everyone else decamped. It had compromises, as every choice does, but she was happy with it and loves it now they are teens.

This. ^ Having a flat with no private garden, with an off licence, a kebab shop, and a chippy, on your doorstep, the train station 5 minutes walk away, a bus station 8 minutes walk away, 8 pubs and a nightclub within a stone's throw, and 70 shops within 10 minutes walk is great when you're a young adult (17-25-ish) with few responsibilities, and you're renting.

But as an adult, especially with children, and more responsibities, and when you're buying a place, the last place you want to be is in the middle of town in a place with no private garden. It's often full of pissheads, junkies, yobs, vandals, noise, lots of people, and traffic. Couldn't think of anything worse. Would much rather have a lovely house with a private garden, at least 2 miles from any town, or shops. Preferably in the countryside, but the suburbs would do.

schoolsweek.co.uk/admissons-watchdog-saves-falling-rolls-schools-from-closure/

Proceed with caution on the service charge.

I would be buying the house every time.

You don't want a school that isn't "full". Lots of parents think only 20 in the class that's a good thing. It isn't because funding is based on headcount.

We had to make this decision a few years ago and opted for the house (also in SW London but a much crappier part than Southfields). Whilst the kids are small (two under 5s), having our own garden has been brilliant, especially during potty training. And it's easy enough to get up to central for outings. If you are considering Southfields, id def go for that as its lovely round there.

How safe is the central area when they are teens and want to walk back on their own in the evening? Think about secondary schools too, it will come round sooner than you think.

I think you can have a fabulous life in either place really. Are there plenty of public transport options from the suburbs into town? How far away are they?

I moved from a flat to a terrace when my daughter was 2 and then into a bigger house about 6 years later when my kids were 8/4. No regrets. We just had 20 people here for a bbq. However I have the best of everything - in the suburbs but just a couple miles from town, loads of buses. Our own garden with a bbq and swings but a middle green where the kids were all playing football. Lots of children around and very safe. Massive water fights whenever the weather holds!

i have plenty of friends in flats and they’re happy too! We just love being able to entertain loads and do it a lot.

My kids use the garden whenever they have friends round and are outside year round. It’s less important as they get older but we will improve it for ourselves eventually with a summer house or similar. It’s nice to be able to get it up to suit us.

Private garden and house definitely.
Many reasons:

1. ease of using the garden, once aged 2ish they can be left alone with you popping in and out doing jobs in the house, getting drinks, toilet trips are easy, getting the tea ready. We go out every day but I would struggle with having to be out just to get the children half an hour of fresh hair here and there. I regularly send eldest out to run and jump about in the garden to work off some steam whilst we're all still in pyjamas. Know that garden is completely safe and secure.

2. ease of getting out the front door. When I am solo getting us all ready with 2 toddlers, the luggage required is madness some days. Nappy bag, snacks/lunch, 3x water bottles, coats, wellies, sling, pushchair, blanket, toys. Just for a walk at an NT place etc. I make so many trips running in and out to the car, or to double buggy out front, I would need a suitcase to take down in a lift!

3. inside activities and not having people living below. My toddlers are regularly running and jumping around. I would hate to have to attempt to moderate them in their own home.

4. napping. I quite often leave them sleeping in buggy down the side path behind a securely locked gate whilst I potter indoors or in the garden. They wake the minute the sounds change if I bring them in the hall and going in a lift, no chance.

Southfields? I thought you were talking about moving outside the m25. V funny. It may be a more suburban part of London but you’re still easily on the tube, no? No distance to get back to the centre.

Do you have kids yet or are you trying to plan for when you do?

We went for the central flat with toddlers and loved it. Zone 1 life with young children is wonderful - so many places to explore and easy to reach (we had 4 tube or train stations in walking distance so could go across town in any direction as well as easy day trips and holidays). We spent every day outside visiting somewhere so we'd never be at home much to use a garden - big playgrounds all over the city, gardens, museum, gallery or theatre trip every day. Work was always within walking distance so we were able to spend quality time in the morning and evenings with dcs. We eventually decided to move a little less central for better private schools but I miss the buzz of central living (and we spend every weekend in central still). Suburban life has never appealed to us and if it doesn't suit your lifestyle there's no reason to opt for it if you can afford to live more centrally.

That sounds very high. We pay a lot less to heat a 5 bed 1930s detatched woth a very leaky/draughty door (though it is double glazed).

However, noone can really tell you, as it depends on he construction, of the house, what your tolerance is for cold (and thermostat temperature), age/efficiency of boiler, how often you are home (eg may be more if you WFH), whether it is mid or end terrace, how well insulated it is, when/if you plan to change the windows...

I would plan to change single glazed windows to dohble/triple glazing asap, though.

Thanks everyone. Yes Southfields is still on the district line, but not particularly well connected and feels suburban/quiet to us compared to being near Holland Park and Hyde park. We have 1 year olds. Friends with kids have stayed in the area after looking further out, despite giving up garden space, because they feel there's so much in walking distance that they can't replicate elsewhere and it's so easy to make a community because of the number of families around. We appreciate the experience given, it's remains a tough call for us!