House move - please help

[SilverDoublet]

Would you move to a house if it ticked all the boxes - location, schools, transport links, size, bedrooms, side access, walk in condition, but just happened to be quite ugly and tightly packed in an estate. It is detached though. Neither of us are in love with it, but it ticks all our boxes. Help!! Estate agent expects us to put in an offer today...

Well if location and size are the reason to move, then he'll have to get over it. If house exterior and brightness are the key factors, he should stay put and reconcile himself to that. Because if he's searching for the perfect house, it doesn't exist, and that experience with him hating the last one until now shows that it's all about perspective and he's needs to get some and stop idealising. Four years in, the problem can't be the houses/market, it's an ability to adjust to what his budget gets him and commit to a decision.

Plus that comment about not showing the house to his friends because of how it looks from the outside... that says a lot about what his drivers are and they're not really important in the scheme of things. What my friends think about the exterior of my house isn't remotely on the list of what would be driving a move to a house that's big enough and in the right place for my family. And if my friends thought less of me because of such of factor, what kind of friends would they be? He sounds quite a fragile ego, which is fine, but it can't tie up your moving plans in this way. There'll always be something not right if he's seeking to impress an abstract notion of what will make his 'friends' think more of him. Feels like you need to take the reigns and get past these very minor issues and onto the genuinely stressful process of buying an actual house.

Astro turf isn't a reason to reject a house, you can change that.

I think you and your husband need to focus on the things you can't change in a house.

I'm not the OP but I'm in a similar situation of needing a larger than average house for the area.

In my case we did 'secure' 2 of them but both fell though (1st the sellers where messing around and didn't actually want to sell and 2nd failed probate and got repossessed). Of the others we offered on many but we aren't the only ones look for a large house and developer are all over them at the moment, many ended in bidding wars and gazumping.

Ironically one we loved just fell through last week (5 months after our original offer) and we where offered first refusal before they took it back to market but we are close to completion on this one now and spent all the money on searches, survey etc...

Its not as easy as seeing a house and just getting it, its took us 2 years to get this far.

I wouldn't.

If you have misgivings about a house, it isn't the one for you. A better match could come on the market in a couple of months and you would be kicking yourselves.

You can make windows bigger.

My PIL bought a 1960s new build (back when it was a brand new estate) and all the houses had huge floor to roof (double story) windows for the living room/master bedroom. Apparently it felt like living in a fishbowl or zoo, just being in a glass fronted box. I didn't know that until I was told though as almost every single house on the estate has over time had those windows removed and partially bricked up to become just normal sized windows.

It can work the other way too with opening a window to be bigger.

If you haven't managed to find one that is 'best fit' in four years, then it's likely your needs will begin to change before you buy as your dc grow up and leave home.

I can't see that you will ever find "the one" and it just seems such a waste to not be living in a house that you own which could be improved, or made more to your liking during that time, because you and your dh aren't prepared to compromise.

I think it's because the actual prices are eyewateringly expensive because of where we are, and it's almost embarrassing that people will find out how much it cost, when it's an ugly 90s build. It's full of little fake 'victorian' style details, badly done. Surrounded by actual Victorian redbricks. His family will be shocked at how much we're spending (different part of the country) but we can afford it.

We got to sale agreed on one 3 years ago, it was a doer upper 5 bed, looked lovely on outside but had North facing garden, needed full rewiring. The same day we went sale agreed, one came up, in amazing, walk-in, high-end condition for 100k cheaper. So we backed out of the sale agreed and went after that one. But it ended up going more than 200k over asking so it was above our budget then, and the other one had been sold.
We gave up for a while after that.
Then last year we were going to go for a bigger 4 bed and compromise on bedrooms, but EA messed us around and also it ended up going more than 200k over. We saw a 5 bed soon after near the kid's school, complete wreck of a place with long tapered north facing garden. We were going to put an offer on, met with builders to see how much it would cost to renovate, was told 500k. That one went 400k over asking. So yes, beyond our budget. Saw another 5 bed further away with astro turf back garden. I was ready to just go for it, but my son and husband seemed to hate it and had some strange issue with the fake grass.
Now we're at the ugly house. I'm tired 😂. It's really not that easy.

You've experienced 200k over asking followed by 200k over asking followed by 400k over asking.

Sorry but I think you're looking at houses you can't afford.

No bog standard 4 beds within budget with normal grass that have been on the market for a while?

Given the track record of being massively out priced, it sounds like if this house was any more appealing, it wouldn’t be in reach. It really doesn’t matter what family in a cheaper region think. This is the location you’re trying to buy in and this is the price, and so far you’ve been 200k-400k short, so however eye-watering, if you can pay it, it’s probably time to get past the minor issues and go for it. Or accept it’s all a farce because you can’t get everything he wants within your budget and stay put. I can’t think that a 90s build will be so bad looking though. It’s less of a compromise than not having enough rooms or being in the wrong location, or having a north facing garden for that matter. You must be hugely frustrated.

Are you in Scotland if properties are going for well over the asking price? Or just somewhere very sought-after?

No way. If my gut isn't happy that's all I need to know.

I think you need to have a conversation with your husband about what he really wants from this move, as it feels like he’s putting a lot of obstacles in the way - not liking a house because of astroturf is daft since it can just be replaced with the real thing.

You’ll rarely find a house that ticks all boxes and is ready to move into, decorated exactly to your taste. Most houses you buy will need some degree of work to make it yours, and you need to figure out what you’re willing to do work on, what is an absolute no-no, and maybe accept that if you can’t agree/compromise then you may never move.

personally, if I can improve the outside, enough of the other boxes are ticked that the ones that aren’t don’t matter, then I’d go for it.

We could afford them, but reckoned when we factored in renovation costs they weren't worth the price, time and energy so didn't pursue the any further. Whereas at the asking price it made more sense to buy and renovate them.

Also there aren't many bog standard 4 beds at all in this area, it's all older housing stock, mostly that needs full renovation - rewiring, bathrooms, kitchen, building extensions etc. People spend a year mimimum getting them liveable.

How often do you look at the exterior of your house? If it ticks the boxes for everything else then it sounds as if it will be a good home for you and your family. After all, once you have your own furniture and pictures etc inside, it will really be your home.

£200k, £200k and £400k over asking... where on earth do you live???

We where gazumped on a corporate sale apparently by £20k according to EA (as the land registry hasn't updated yet) and that seemed utterly mental.

Statistically for £200k to be within % range of normal over payment costs (and happened THREE times) you must be looking at houses worth around 2 million?

I too am curious as to which part of the country OP could possibly live that sees houses going so massively over the EA valuations.

An ugly house near us has been transformed with stylish cladding and new windrows. It’s remarkable. Can you afford a renovator to help you redo the front?

You sound unrealistic in your wish list for your budget or for what's available.

If you have been looking for so long then you clearly need to drop one of the criteria. You need to decide what is most important. Clearly you can't have everything on your list.