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Upping our mortgage at 56. Words of wisdom please

48 replies

jane1324 · 19/01/2025 08:36

8yrs ago we moved to a less affluent area as we wanted to buy a lovely home with a garden quite cheaply - we still love the home But the town has gone down hill further and we are very unhappy with area now & haven’t really settled here.
We have recently been blessed with a grandson but our daughter lives 3.5hrs away . We would love to move back closer to family but obviously the house prices are higher as the area we choose to move to hasn’t increased like most places in the uk and we feel a bit trapped.
We have £80,000 left on the mortgage and would need to increase our mortgage to £130,000 if we moved closer to family.
I am 56 my other half is 50. Our repayment will go from being around £750 to £1,250 if we move this will leave us very tight for money(if we take it 11yrs to my retirement age 67)
I’m worried to take it past that as I desperately want to retire! Or one of us may become ill as we become older?
What would you do? Do we live on the edge of our pants being quite skint by taking a larger mortgage to be in an area we are happy with and nearer to family or do we stay where we are unhappy but we can afford the odd holidays & treats etc.
I’d love peoples thoughts. Thank you

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 19/01/2025 10:46

Is your daughter very settled and integrated into her area? Is there a danger that she would move away in the future. Make sure you like the area you move to enough that you won't regret your move if she does move away.

Do you have good pension provision? Will you be able to take a 25% tax free lump sum from your pension on retirement that could pay off the remainder of your mortgage at that point?

Can you work from anywhere or will you need to find a new job to move?

Caterina99 · 19/01/2025 10:49

My parents found that once we moved closer to them they never really use their guest rooms that they insisted on having, because we don’t stay over. The kids do occasionally, but I would rather just go home (and leave the kids at granny’s!). So if that’s one of your reasons for having a 3 bed property for example, you could downsize to a 2 or even a one bed and be close to your family.

I do think you should move though. I’d rather have a bit less money and fewer holidays etc if I got to spend quality regular time with my family.

rookiemere · 19/01/2025 11:03

I think it's a shame to spend all that money and still be an hour away.

My DPs live an hour away so when DS was young and they helped with childcare, they would generally stay over. Now that I need to go up to support them, it's a lot to drive 2 hrs in a day do household chores and go home again and work full time.

I assume it's even more expensive to be closer than that.

jane1324 · 19/01/2025 11:04

Winter2020 · 19/01/2025 10:46

Is your daughter very settled and integrated into her area? Is there a danger that she would move away in the future. Make sure you like the area you move to enough that you won't regret your move if she does move away.

Do you have good pension provision? Will you be able to take a 25% tax free lump sum from your pension on retirement that could pay off the remainder of your mortgage at that point?

Can you work from anywhere or will you need to find a new job to move?

yes she seems quite settled but I guess never know what the future holds? We would be about an hour away from her.
we have other family members further south but also in the north so we think somewhere in the middle between both families would be good.it’s tricky picking areas you know nothing about I don’t want to make the same mistakes twice.
unfortunately our private pensions aren’t amazing but yes we could take the 25% to help towards it.

OP posts:
Tel12 · 19/01/2025 11:12

I'd definitely move in the direction of your DD, but I wouldn't consider increasing the mortgage in your circumstances. Even an hour closer will make the journey more feasible.

jane1324 · 19/01/2025 11:12

rookiemere · 19/01/2025 11:03

I think it's a shame to spend all that money and still be an hour away.

My DPs live an hour away so when DS was young and they helped with childcare, they would generally stay over. Now that I need to go up to support them, it's a lot to drive 2 hrs in a day do household chores and go home again and work full time.

I assume it's even more expensive to be closer than that.

We can’t afford to be closer, but our amazing grandson isn’t the main reason we want to move , It just made us look at our lives & we are not happy with the area we live in & starting to feel a bit trapped as we feel we have been priced out of the market if we want to move

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rookiemere · 19/01/2025 11:16

What about your jobs if you move ?

I must admit I am 54 and whilst I'm happy working at the minute, I'm so glad that I should be able to retire about 60. It's a dilemma for you for sure.

GogAndMagog · 19/01/2025 11:21

Is renting out your place and renting near your daughter an option?

jane1324 · 19/01/2025 11:22

rookiemere · 19/01/2025 11:16

What about your jobs if you move ?

I must admit I am 54 and whilst I'm happy working at the minute, I'm so glad that I should be able to retire about 60. It's a dilemma for you for sure.

That would be lovely to retire at 60 but that has never been an option for us to retire before the state pension age.
Job wise we both work in healthcare so it would be a transfer

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 19/01/2025 11:49

Go and look at some houses and that will help you decide. Downsize would be my preference, though we've upsized in our early 60s.

ElderLemon · 19/01/2025 11:56

Gardendiary · 19/01/2025 10:08

I agree, I would compromise on the living space. I think staying where you are, miserable, is not an option. Would you mind saying the area as people might have suggestions for closer spots which are better value.

Absolutely this

fingerbobz · 19/01/2025 11:57

Absolutely! Its a no brainer, why are you worried

Do if while you're young

fingerbobz · 19/01/2025 11:58

56 days s no age

I would not hesitate to make a life change in my 50s

DuskyPink1984 · 19/01/2025 12:00

I’d move closer but let go of the idea of retirement at 67. But that’s easy for me as realistically I don’t think I could afford to not work at least part time nor do I particularly want to. I think I’d really want to be close to family.

TartTartin · 19/01/2025 12:56

If I were you, I would move. You are still young. My husband kept nagging at me for 10 years to move, while I wanted to stay. Eventually I agreed, when he was diagnosed with terminal illness 2 yeas ago. We are currently hoping to exchange contracts soon. My husband is 70+, I am 60+. Our property is in a lovely location, but we want to move to a property with easier maintenance.
A broker/financial adviser can give you advice regarding remortgaging?

LikeABat · 19/01/2025 13:00

As others, take a longer mortgage at least until DP's retirement. If you can't get a big garden could you get an allotment?

Saschka · 19/01/2025 13:08

This depends so much on your income. You don’t say how much you earn, but if your household post-tax income is less than £4k per month I can see it would be a struggle. If it’s £6k it probably wouldn’t be.

jane1324 · 19/01/2025 17:54

TartTartin · 19/01/2025 12:56

If I were you, I would move. You are still young. My husband kept nagging at me for 10 years to move, while I wanted to stay. Eventually I agreed, when he was diagnosed with terminal illness 2 yeas ago. We are currently hoping to exchange contracts soon. My husband is 70+, I am 60+. Our property is in a lovely location, but we want to move to a property with easier maintenance.
A broker/financial adviser can give you advice regarding remortgaging?

Edited

Much appreciate your advice thank you.❤️Wishing you and your husband all the best & happiness in your new move

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 19/01/2025 19:40

My initial reaction as a 54 year old, who paid their mortgage off 2 years ago was "oh good grief no". The peace of mind of having paid it off, and being able to top up my pension and "afford" my teens and the COL is immense.

HOWEVER - as an adult child whose DM moved to the next village 3 years ago, my reaction is "YES, yes, of course that makes sense". It has been brilliant for dm and dc to have a "day to day" relationship (my dad died a long time ago), but she does live literally 6 or 7 mins walk away.

If you're going to move to be more involved in your daughter and grandson's lives, then you need to be there for it to really make a difference. An hour's drive is still a drive away, it's still time to find to travel, it's not popping in for a coffee as you walk past with the dog, it's not "would you mind picking up Fred, I'm stuck in traffic". It's unlikely to be every parents' assembly, or nativity or school concert. An hour's drive becomes a bigger deal in the winter, snow and ill health. It'll be too far for your grandson to walk to you in his way home from high school.

It is wonderful to have DM living less than a mile away - this cuts both ways, as she has needed a lot of medical attention since moving here. "Closer but not actually local" would have not been that helpful to anyone at all. It's maybe really Sunday lunch once a month.

As your grandson gets older his free time will be limited. Once he starts school, it'll be limited to after 4pm and school holidays. Weekends suddenly get full of swimming lessons, sports fixtures and birthday parties.

Also - have you got any other children? How would they feel if you move closer to your daughter (I am 1 of 4; 2 of my siblings are still salty that DM "chose" me).

If you're going to move, do everything you can to be local to your daughter; preferably walking distance. Or stay where you are. Anything in between is a bit pointless.

GOODCAT · 19/01/2025 19:56

In your situation it could make sense, but I would be looking to downsize as much as possible. I do think being in the right location for retirement matters hugely.

TwoeightTwoeightTwoOhhhh · 19/01/2025 19:59

You could easily have 30+ more years of life,
thats a long time to not be happy where you live.
if I were you I would move, but I’d try and choose the most adaptable place for old age so you don’t end up moving twice.

AndrinaAdamosballetshoes · 19/01/2025 23:43

If you're going to move, do everything you can to be local to your daughter; preferably walking distance. Or stay where you are. Anything in between is a bit pointless.

Very much agree with this, my family are just over an hour away and with the best will in the world we don’t see each other much maybe once a quarter at best, jobs, running a home, gardening, DIY, holidays, other life commitments get in the way. I would love to be able to just pop round for a cup of tea and head of home again after half an hour, an hour each way in the car makes it a planned event for everyone concerned, there is no spontaneity, you can’t be there to babysit for an hour while your daughter gets her hair done, an hour way to be part of every day family life just doesn’t work.

jane1324 · 20/01/2025 14:23

AndrinaAdamosballetshoes · 19/01/2025 23:43

If you're going to move, do everything you can to be local to your daughter; preferably walking distance. Or stay where you are. Anything in between is a bit pointless.

Very much agree with this, my family are just over an hour away and with the best will in the world we don’t see each other much maybe once a quarter at best, jobs, running a home, gardening, DIY, holidays, other life commitments get in the way. I would love to be able to just pop round for a cup of tea and head of home again after half an hour, an hour each way in the car makes it a planned event for everyone concerned, there is no spontaneity, you can’t be there to babysit for an hour while your daughter gets her hair done, an hour way to be part of every day family life just doesn’t work.

We are not helping or needed for any daily childcare and we couldn’t if we wanted to as we both work full time , and an hours drive would seem like a luxury compared with distance we drive to each other now. We have family in all directions of the uk and have never had the opportunity to be a pop in for coffee type of family. It would be planned wkends visits mostly .
I guess not all families function the same way.
Its a new location that we are happier living in that we are deciding on upping our mortgage for and the bonus would be looking in the direction towards where our daughter lives

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