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Original poster

Please give me your honest opinion....not happy here

35 replies

becaroodolf · 07/12/2010 16:51

....I will try to keep this brief...

dh and I moved into our current house - a 3 bed semi - 11 years ago when we married.

Tbh, it was a rush decision, only the 2nd house we looked at (I know, I know) and it needed a lot doing to it which, as young newlyweds, we had to save up for and do over time.

ds1 came along after 4 years and when he got to about 2 we decided we needed more space and put the house on the market. We got one viewing in 2 months. Dh doesnt like change - to put it mildly! - and so we decided to have a kitchen/diner extention/downstairs WC and loft room.

ds1 started at the local nursery/school but it didnt work out well for him and he now goes to a different school in the next village - where I come from and where all my family still are - and is much happier. My GP and bank etc are also in that village.

ds2 came along 2 years ago and in the spring I suggested to dh that we move but dh and ds1 kept telling me they didnt want to move I gave in and we did some more work on the house which it needed - new boiler and replacement glass in the windows and some decorating.

The problem is I am still not happy here. dh and I have had so many rows over this recently. I dont think he realised how unhappy I am. Friends and family will think I am mad because is is (now) a nice house with plenty of space.

ds1 is now happier about moving as he likes his new school and would like to see more of his cousins (my dnephews).

Dh does not want to move. He wants to do what his mum and dad did and stay here permanently.

I know we have done a lot to the house, but we have also had the benefit of it for the last 4 years and I cant tell you how glad I am to have the new boiler in this current weather!!!

In the village where I want to go to - only 4 miles away!! - the houses are a bit more expensive than they are here and I think we would have to go a bit smaller (dont want a bigger mortgage) which dh thinks is mad.....his attitude is if you move you go bigger - for us this would mean a 4 bed detached - which we cant afford.

I feel so unhappy. I shouldnt but I do. House is going on the market tomorrow but dh and I will never agree on a property.

Should I just suck it up again, accept I am stuck here and shut up?

Thanks for reading this far!

OP posts:

Original poster

becaroodolf · 09/12/2010 12:43

EAP I live in Derbyshire. I live in an extended 3 bed semi at the moment.

Want a comparable (or dh would like a bigger) house....terraced/semi/detached/not bothered.

Max budget £160k

northern sigh. "literal" isnt the word I would use!!! he is just so set in his ways and I think part of the problem is that what we have done here - i.e. extend - is what his parents did and have they never moved..... differnce is they dont want to.

OP posts:

EatingAngelPie · 09/12/2010 13:32

well there are 662 detached houses in the 150-175k bracket in derbyshire with 3 or more bedrooms....currently for sale on RIghtmove, and 112 with 4 or more bedrooms...

some like this in smaller villages....

most new builds which i don't like but the occasional victorian gem in there....

is the problem really he doesn' want to move at all?

Original poster

becaroodolf · 09/12/2010 13:41

EAP We dont like new builds either.
I think dh has realised that moving is something that people do all the time and its not a weird thing to want to do!!!

There are actuallt plenty of properties - its just dh will only look at certain types...i.e. semi or detached, not terraced.

There is a terraced house in the village which has 2 rec rooms, study, attic room, 3 beds and a massive garden......he has agreed to view that one!!

OP posts:

northerngirl41 · 09/12/2010 13:47

Moving house is pretty stressful though - not to mention expensive. Even if you are moving to a cheaper/smaller house, there will still be funiture to buy (because yours doesn't fit or just looks wrong), walls to paint, the removal costs, wanting to put your own stamp on the place.

The only reason someone would go through all of that is to improve their life. So for your DH, moving has to equal a much bigger house, a much better situation, a bigger garden etc. because he'll be moving away from his family (even if it is only 4 miles) so needs something to counteract that.

Blu · 09/12/2010 13:53

I think 4 miles is significant in a rural area. There is a big difference to being able to pop to someone's house at the end of the road to driving 4 miles. Especially once children are old enough to go to a schoolfriends house by themselves, or to the park by themselves.
We moved less than 4 miles to be within walking distance of DS's school and it makes all the difference - by 8 he was making his own way to and fro school and to his friends, loads of friends right on the doorstep, loads of impromptu helping each other out, it's MUCH better.

BUT - beware of putting it alon the house. You can move house and still not communicate well or have shared ambitions
and
Beware expense! The costs of buying and selling are astronomical, with stamp duty, EAs fees with the new 20% VAT on top, solicitors, surveys - easy to eat up £20k all in all.
And
If you make extensions and improveents to your own house your Councul tax band stays the same until new people buy it when it may go up, so if you move to a property of a similiar size / same number of rooms as you have now, you may find that it is in a higher band than you are currently paying.

But in your shoes I can well understand why you would like to move.

EatingAngelPie · 09/12/2010 16:35

all good. my parents moved into a 'second choice' house 18 years ago and it has never been right..so understand where you're coming from.

also 4 miles means outside ready walking distance, so is significant.

i suppose this time you'll be waiting for something really special.

Original poster

becaroodolf · 09/12/2010 18:06

blu thanks for understanding!! Taking ds1 to school in the recent weather has been....interesting

house we go to would have to be good, no point otherwise.

will keep you posted!

OP posts:

babbi · 09/12/2010 23:01

Totally see where you are coming from . I am in a similar position, we bought this house as a stop gap. Or so we thought at the time - 2 years max we said , but 10 years later we are still here . It is a very large 5 bed detached and we are the envy of all our friends and family . But I really don't (didn't) like it that much. It was fine as a short term option but had I known that things would change I would have chosen very differently. Spending that amount of money surely you really want to get your forever house ? And yes I do know how spoiled I sound.

BUT to give you some hope, we have house hunted extensively and largely decided to stay put !! Each time we found something we really liked it didn't compare so well to ours on a massive scale and it made the effort of moving seem pointless.
Now I think we will "tweak" the little bits that we would like to change and stay put.
Sometimes you have got to take a step back and appreciate what you have.
Our property search in reality became an exercise in highlighting to us how lucky we are.
Good luck with whatever you decide, I know it is not at all easy to feel unsettled in this way.

SaggyHairyArse · 12/12/2010 22:28

Hiya

Is ympathise, I bought a house in a village, DS went to the local school, hated it and transferred to one in the next town. I was travelling a similar distance. DD then started nursery so because of drop off/pick up,went to the one at the same school as DS so I was up and down the road between the two places all the time. Then I had DS2....

The problems were not the day to day stuff as actually the school run itself wasn't bad, it was having friends back for tea, DD wanting to go to the same Rainbows unit as her friends, getting stuck in rush hour traffic for any after school activities.

I really hope your DH comes around,good luck!

SaggyHairyArse · 12/12/2010 22:29

Hiya

I really hope your DH comes around,good luck!

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