Why have the school given my 4 year old ear defenders

[MyMauveDuck]

Our 4-year-old has just started reception. She’s very bright, chatty, loves singing, dancing, and drawing, and is the type to approach any child wanting to be friends. The only time she’s ever left a room because of noise is when the blender’s on (and I don’t blame her, it’s incredibly loud!). She’s fine with the vacuum cleaner and loves dancing to music — sometimes even asks for it louder if it’s her favourite song.
She’s an August baby, so only just turned 4 last month, and there are already 5-year-olds in her class. If I’m remembering right, younger children didn’t used to do full days straight away, but now it seems they go full-time after only a couple of weeks. She’s just finished her first full week.
Today at lunch she wasn’t eating, and the teachers decided to give her ear defenders. My wife and I aren’t sure how we feel about this. The school’s ethos is about building resilient children post-Covid, but this doesn’t feel like it fits that. When I searched online, all I found were posts from parents of SEN/autistic children where teachers removed ear defenders the parents had provided — not cases where teachers themselves put them on.
I personally didn’t enjoy school and always wanted to blend in, so maybe that colours my view, but I’m not sure that putting huge ear defenders on a child is the best way of helping them fit in with their peers. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

Did you speak to the school to ask what happened? Maybe another child was wearing them and she wanted to try them too.

Maybe they are seeing if ear defenders help her to be more relaxed and thus eat?

It is easy as a parent to adapt parenting to a child without realising that is what you are doing. School us a very different environment, she may react differently there

Or maybe she said it was too noisy?

Did she then eat once wearing them?

Noise sensitivity isn’t just about the volume. It can be about the type of noise, frequency of the noise or how many different noises.

Your daughter wasn’t eating and school dinning rooms are really loud so the teacher thought to try and see if this would help. It did and solved a problem.

Your post seems to be more about your issue with your own experience than what is best for your child. Most primary schools will have a few sets of ear defenders in the classroom for children to pick up and use when they feel it’s helpful.

OP. Your best bet is to enquire politely. 'I was wondering why you gave DC ear defenders at lunch on Friday'.

Whatever you do, do not ask in any way that could be consider complaining or accusing. The teachers will have been acting in what they consider the best interests of your child.

I work in a primary school and honestly the lunch hall can be a sensory nightmare (if i could get away with ear defenders some lunch times i definitely would!) . Some children really do struggle to get on and eat and find ear defenders a huge help in this. If it helped your child, I wouldn't see it as an issue and it certainly wouldn't draw negative attention to them. Lots of children used them in our school at various times for various reasons and the other kids don't even bat an eyelid. Sometimes they are used as a stepping stone and withdrawn as soon as the child settles and gets more comfortable. If you are concerned, have a chat with your child's teacher (politely) and I'm sure they will clear things up.

No point asking on here. You’ll have to speak to the school to get the answer.

I would have thought it was obvious that they gave her ear defenders because she was finding the lunch hall too noisy/overwhelming?

Why else would they have given them to her?

The other 4/5 year olds are not going to care if she's wearing ear defenders. Schools are fortunately a lot more accepting these day and there will be kids in every class who where them from time to time. It only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

Interesting, she did end up eating her food. But she does this at home without any noise. She just wants to get up and do other things that are more fun rather than eat when we want her to, which is like any 4-year-old.

This might seem like a stretch but the thought of you need these to be able to eat is a slippery slope, i've just found the term crutch. Like she is so impressionable at this age i don't want her foundations to be you can't do something without x. like she can eat without ear protectors. I might get some heat but that seems like a big problem with gen-z and the anxiety epidemic.

Do you suspect she has some additional needs that make her likely to become reliant on certain things?

Have you asked DD, have you asked school?

Surely something that helped your child is a good thing?

I’ve two older kids in secondary now and tbh they never batted an eye lid for kids that needed ear defenders and other adjustments.

I’m a teacher but I do agree with you. Once they get one to them you’ll struggle to get her to eat without them. Obviously they have their place if needed.

I think your concern is fuelled by your own anxiety about ‘blending in’ and ‘fitting in’.

Building resilience isn’t subjecting someone to something until they can tolerate it. That’s not resilience and it’s not good for anyone.

Wearing ear defenders won’t make your child SEN… which seems to be your concern.

But maybe she can’t eat at school without them? Would you rather she didn’t eat, or was subjected to unnecessary noise, just so she doesn’t potentially get used to, what, eating in comfort?

I think you will need to ask them. Better she eats whilst at school than struggles through without food.

Children with noise sensitivity often can tolerate some things that are very loud.

My granddaughter has just started Reception. Last year in Nursery she ate lunch in the classroom. The last week of term she and her peers were moved to the dining room to eat to get them used to it. She hated it and got really upset at the volume of noise and didn’t want to eat her lunch. When she started in September it was still bothering her so school popped ear defenders on her. It’s made such a difference. She can still hear and chat to her friends but it’s cut out the ‘big’ noise.
It won’t be forever but it’s taken away a worry for her.
just ask the question at school but I’m sure they were acting in her best interests.

I cab appreciate your standpoint, however in my experience, particularly with EYFS, its a HUGE adjustment and monumentally different to eating a meal at home with familiar environment, foods and company. Generally speaking, most parents pop the biggest priority on their child being able to eat comfortably to take them through the longer day by hook or by crook (not a criticism just an observation). It's also worthy of noting that lots of children will be observed to have additional needs when they enter mainstream schools, again not saying this is true for your daughter but it's true that most SEN/ASD etc gets picked up when the child has is popped into a more formal educational setting. Our school has a focus on building resilience and a "power of yet" attitude (meaning that whilst things may be tricky at some point, that's only temporary) meeting a child where they need to be doesn't mean pandering or feeding anxiety and it's very unlikely any child (barring additional needs) will need to have ear defenders on at every meal going ahead to adulthood - like all measures similar to this it can be a stepping stone to help them adapt and adjust at their own pace. Some people see this as a "problem" with the youngest generation but from what I've seen over my time working with children, helping them overcome and eventually manage their fears and struggles in their own time sees them become far more successful in managing anxiety than an attitude of "get over it" (again, I know not your words but just looking at the alternative).

Having said all of that, you can make the decisions for your child. Speak to your child's class teacher, if you feel really uncomfortable about the use of ear defenders, that is your perogative but equally the school have a duty of care if your child is becoming distressed/not eating every lunch time and a compromise needs to be met. Hopefully it's just teething problems as your LO adjusts to perhaps the biggest change in her life and schedule so far - I hope you reach a solution you feel comfortable with.

This might seem like a stretch but the thought of you need these to be able to eat is a slippery slope

Except thought is only in your head and it's irrational. Even if she used ear defenders for every school lunch in the canteen she would still be eating without ear defenders 3-4x more often than with them (assuming she eats an average 3 meals and 2 snacks per day 365/year). She's not learning that she can't eat without ear defenders.

And there's nothing wrong with her learning that she finds eating in the canteen far more enjoyable with ear defenders. Their lunch break is for eating and decompressing from structured lesson-time so that when they go back to class they're refreshed; it's not supposed to be an exercise in seeing how much battering their nervous system can withstand. Ear defenders are common and unremarkable and they're not being forced on her.

I can tell you from experience that if she does not actually require them then the novelty of wearing them will soon wear off and she will simply not bother with them after a few tries. If they help her now, getting her through a big transition then I’d just let them get on with it. I would make sure you understand exactly why they’re giving them a try and then give it a few weeks. I would suspect that her interest in wearing them will have gone by then. If not then that would suggest she really finds them helpful. At that point I think you can have other discussions about how to help her.
Eating at home is not the same as eating at school. Do you have at least 100 children living with you ranging from 4-11??

Not a crutch, but a support. At this point she finds the dining hall overwhelming so the ear defenders are a (very normal) support to help her manage that. When she's supported, she can focus on the task at hand. The alternative is leave her unsupported with her overwhelm, and therefore risk her becoming dysregulated, which could impact on her ability to learn in the afternoon.

She's been at school for mere weeks. Once she gets used to the hustle and bustle she'll likely be able to manage the sensory overload without them. But if she continues to need them, so what?

The market for (adult) noise-cancelling earphones/earbuds is huge, because some adults identify that there are times that they find noise overwhelming or that they can't focus when there's lots of noise. It's exactly the same thing and a complete non-issue.