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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Reception in September - with best friend or separate?

29 replies

Usernameemanresu9 · 01/04/2025 10:47

My daughter starts school in September, she attends preschool and has a best friend who she plays with all the time in and out of preschool. Teacher has recommended for reception that they go in different classes to allow them
to branch out, my daughter in particular doesn't really play with anyone else and others try to but she only wants her best friend. I understand the reasoning and to encourage new friends is a really important thing. Can see that it would be positive but worry that it may make my daughter sad to go to schooL and not be with her best friend I'm very torn. Any wise words would be helpful.
thank you

OP posts:

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Missey85 · 01/04/2025 10:52

In different classes she'll have a chance to make new friends they can still play together at lunchtime 😊

SamPoodle123 · 01/04/2025 11:23

I would separate them at least for the first year. It is not great to play with just one friend always. You could always request that the following year they be in the same class. But the first year, it would be a great idea to separate and make a big effort to help branch out to other friends. For example, setting up play dates in the park with others in the class.

climb12sides · 01/04/2025 11:31

Don’t mention the “negative” of them not being in the same class, just talk about the positive of her being able to play with her friend at lunchtime. It’s lovely (and lucky) that they’re going to the same school!

Original poster

Usernameemanresu9 · 01/04/2025 11:43

Thanks for all the replies. I think I know deep down it is the right decision to encourage those new friendships. It's just emotionally I worry about her but I know after adjusting it will be okay and your right lots of positives to focus on. I can start laying the foundation now that they might not be together. Will definitely arrange play dates with classmates during holidays too

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2025 11:44

If your child is the more clingy one, it may be that her best friends parents are pushing for the split. I'd go with it, they'll see each other outside of school so will have stuff to catch up about, will see each other at play tien etc and it's great to make new friends

Pamalarrr · 01/04/2025 13:06

Yes absolutely separate. Our reception year was a difficult one as a result. We eventually managed to get DD separated when the classes were mixed for Y1 and she made lots of new friends as a result.

BoleynMemories13 · 01/04/2025 16:38

Ultimately it's not your choice. The school will do what they feel is best for the children. We always take advice from nurseries. If nursery advise to split, we always do, regardless of what the parents say. In these circumstances I would definitely separate two children if one is too reliant on the other (to the point where it's stifling their progress socially). They are still going to school together, they will still see each other every lunchtime and, depending on the layout of the room maybe during their choosing time in continuous provision too. If it's separate classrooms this may not be the case, but if it's one unit the classes are usually only separate during carpet time and lessons such as PE. They share the rest of the indoor provision and outside area, so children still see plenty of each other even if they're in different classes.

The teachers will be well aware of her social difficulties and will put things in place to support her. The easiest way to encourage her to branch out is by removing the best friend from her side 24/7. That way she'll start to see that anyone can be her friend, while still seeing plenty of her best friend around in the environment, for reassurance.

There will be different children going to school in addition to the ones she knows from nursery. Plenty of scope for new friendships. That works both ways though. Even if they kept them together, there are no guarantees the other child wouldn't gravitate to someone new and meet a new best friend. This happens. Best friends at nursery don't necessarily stay best friends at school. It's so important to teach children that there is a whole world of potential friends out there, not just one, just in case that friendship ever fizzles out. They need to develop the skills needed to make new friends. A stifling friendship is often one which doesn't ultimately last, as the stifled friend can get fed up and feel suffocated. Time apart should lessen the risk of this.

BoleynMemories13 · 01/04/2025 16:42

Just an additional thought. I'm assuming for the teachers to already be recommending separation (possibly at the request of the other parent, as suggested) you're in an area where both children are pretty much guaranteed to get your first choice of school? As in you both live really close, closer than any other school? As allocations aren't released until 16th April. I'd wait a see that both definitely get a place before worrying about possible separation.

Tiswa · 01/04/2025 16:52

DD was in a separate class to her 3 preschool best friends and it was a tricky start. But she made 2 good friends very quickly!

now at 16 she is at separate high schools to all of them and one is abroad but is still friends with all of them!

it has also made her a lot more able to make new friends and has meant she was confident in choosing the right high school and sixth form for her and not rely on existing friendships

Original poster

Usernameemanresu9 · 01/04/2025 17:09

Thank you all this is really helpful. It hasn't come from the other parent as I know she is keen for them to be together we both were but I spoke with teacher last week who suggested this. They have older siblings in the school so pretty certain we will get in. But I do think encouragement to branch out a bit will be a good thing in the end, it's probably more my anxieties over it and she will be okay.

OP posts:

Hengaoxingrenshini · 02/04/2025 17:09

I don't know if this will be true for you school OP, but my son's school is a dual intake class. But they do a lot of activities where the two classes are mixed, so they well still see other sometimes!

My boy had a good friend from his toddler group who is in the other class and he tells me at least twice a week, I saw X in sound time (etc..) today!

HobHop · 02/04/2025 17:16

Different classes. The other girl and her mother may not be super keen on this BFF thing so young. Better for social skills to play with lots of children.

User37482 · 02/04/2025 17:38

Mine was separated from her best friend in reception, I think it was good for them. They are still besties and hang out at break sometimes and we do playdates etc.

ForeverTired89 · 02/04/2025 22:22

My DD was split from her best friend when they started reception. She was sad at first but soon realised she sees her a lot still. She’s since made lots of new friends which has been good for her.

Original poster

Usernameemanresu9 · 03/04/2025 11:23

Really helpful and reassuring to read these. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, thank you

OP posts:

Criteria16 · 07/04/2025 15:54

I can bring a different perspective I guess. My DS and his best friend from the nursery ended up (by absolute chance) in the same class in primary and their friendship only got stronger. However, they are absolutely ok playing with others if the other is not around, and they regularly include other children in their games. The teacher makes sure to separate them in the classroom as they would just distract each other, but other than that it's been a positive experience so far.

feelingrobbed · 07/04/2025 16:17

My DD is in a different class to her bestie. She’s been fine, they’re still best of friends and find each other at break times etc. I wouldn’t worry. I never mentioned it to DD as a negative or raised it with the school, even though I was a tiny bit worried. If anything I think it’s made their friendship and commitment to each other stronger. Don’t fret! They’re headed to year one in September and may well end up in the same class next year. Either way they’ll still be best of friends.

Rocknrollstar · 07/04/2025 16:33

DS moved into reception with the three boys who were his friends and they stayed friends right through primary school. Come to that, DD and her friend from nursery went right through primary as well. DD did make other friends as well.

MargaretThursday · 07/04/2025 17:52

Same class, from experience.

They are going into a new place, with lots of new people. This isn't the time to push them into an uncomfortable place.

Think about it yourself. You're going into a new environment and you're a bit nervous. Would you genuinely choose to go into the room where you don't really know anyone or would you say to your friend, "meet me at the door and we can go in together"? I'll bet most of the adults who are telling you to split them would do the latter.

My dd also had the situation that her best friend pushed away any new friends she made, while dd was happily welcoming any new friends the best friend brought over, which had long term consequences for her.

autisticbookworm · 07/04/2025 18:54

I guess it can be helpful but I was a very shy child who was separated from my bf for the first three years of primary. I made no friends in my class. When we finally were together I made friends with her friends so it really helped me. 46 years later we are still bfs.

similarly my ds had a best friend for three years they decided to separate them for the move to junior school to help them branch out. Both kids really struggled (for different reasons) they are no longer friends and ds hasnot made new friends. Some people only connect with a few people.

HoneyB2025 · 07/04/2025 19:07

I think reception to about year 2 they are still young still establishing the meaning of friendship. In 2022, my DD left nursery to reception and made a new friend, she is 7 now and can’t really remember her nursery classmates. Secondly, in Y1 even though she had one close friend, she made other friends and now in Y2 she has a new close friend, so I think at that age you shouldn’t worry too much about friendship, this is the best time for them to mix and get to know all kids. I ask my DD who is ur bestfriend the names always changes LOL.

Hilly87 · 07/04/2025 21:58

I’m a reception teacher and surprised these conversations arw being had already. We steer away from talking to parents about the potential next cohort until it is confirmed, we don’t find out until after parents. Only headteacher and school admin know. There is no way the teachers would (or should) be talking about which classes children will be going into at this point

Wafflesandsyrup · 07/04/2025 22:07

I think same class. Starting reception is a massive step for a lot of children and having an established friendship already will make the transition so much smoother for the child. They will make other friends as well!

Ohthatsabitshit · 07/04/2025 22:12

I’d say same class and just enjoy the friendship. I hate the “we must encourage children not to have best friends”, it’s unkind and unnecessary.

QuillBill · 08/04/2025 07:59

Hilly87 · 07/04/2025 21:58

Me too, I think k it’s a bit of a strange thing for the nursery teacher to say to you because it’s not your decision to make. And there is another set of parents. Now she has made you concerned about something that you can’t do anything about and that will probably be completely fine.

At our school, we let parents decide about twins and that’s because we had a set that the year one teacher wanted to separate for year two and the parents were very unhappy about it and there was a bit of a to do about it all.

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