Sadly Goosey, ds1's reaqding issues are just as unsupported as his aggression- again because there is a huge waiting list (at 8 he can't yet spell his full first name, only six letters). I'm more concerned about his aggression though.
I don't understand why other parents think we, as the parents of kids with these problems, ignore the issue? That always seems to come across on these threads. DS1 has spent years attending therapiy clinics, having every kind of intervention we can possibly find. neiother of his brothers are remotely like him behaviourally, and it's clear to most poeple that he's anything but a bad kid- he just has no concept of social interaction whatsoever (it's very difficult becuase although we can clearly see whats gone wrong in a situation he cant- he will genuinely, for example, think he is under threat if someone is making a friendly tease). The school can't suggest anything we can do extra, the specialists cannot (we had to pull him from BIBIC because he was threatening the therapist before our alst attendance), and we get tenfold what he gives out at school because this si his safe environment- I have been knocked unconscious by him in public twice, and poor ds2 has a nightmare time of it. There are no services he can access to help him though, and I dread daily the day he decides to emulate ds1's behaviour at school- fortunately he's a sensitive sould and hasn't yet even attempted it.
Of course I understand how awful it must be for any aprent to see their child in danger at school, ds2 was bullied for a while and that was not nice to see and I approached the teachers as that is what i feel is apprpriate. But i wouldn't dream of approaching mum or alientaing her in any way: yet I stand alone at the school gates, getting the looks and talked about. I am the one referred to as the mum who can't sope when actually its quite the opposite- we even got turned down for support by social services because I cope too well!. People think I am not committed to helping with his education, yet I am on the PTA as Secretary- how does that work? And I am helping to develop packs with the SENCO for the aprents of toher children being diagnosed with spectrum disorders. Precisely because I try so ahrd to find solutions / work with ds1. Who by the way is a lovely little boy, just one that came with a set of problems neither he not I asked for.
of course anyone whose child is at risk in school should approach the school- it's your suty indeed, as parent / guardian. just- don't assume the issue isn't being addressed, or that Mum doesn't care, because I bet she does. if she seems a bit disinterested, she's probably not, she's probably exhausted from continuing supervision levels over 8 years that one wouldn't normally apply to the mosta ctive toddler- 2 hourly night checks anyone?
oh and if there are other siblings please don't ;et it affect how theya re treated too- ds2 (totally NT, sociable as they come) ahsn't had a party invite in years. I understand with ds1 although its sad, but I never take him to palces he's not specifically invited, but ds2 increasingly seems to be guilty by association which is a horrid thing for him to endure.
Hope that didn't come over as a rant- certainly wasn't intended to- just wanted to make the point from this perspective, and what ahs happened to us as the 'alienated family'.