DS making "offensive" remarks to another child??

[MummyPenguin]

Okay, this might be long so I apologise in advance.

DS in in year 4. At the moment they are doing a topic on the war (think it's WW2) and are laerning a lot about what went on at the time and the English defeating the Germans and so on.

Last night I had a phone call from a Mum of a boy in DS's class who said that as he sat down to do his homework on the topic, her DS said that my DS had said something along the lines of "if you're German you should leave the country." Apparently, the other boy's Grandmother was present when he repeated the remark - and she's German. We didn't know that, obviously. It seems the Grandmother became very upset, and the boy refused then to complete the homework.

My initial reaction is that it's one of those situations where my DS has said something without realising that it may be mildly offensive to others, and he hasn't grasped the full meaning of what he's said.

However, the other boy's Mum is making a real meal out of it and is going to see the class teacher. This annoys me, as the class teacher is new to the school so doesn't know the children well, and I don't want him to form the wrong opinion of my DS who wouldn't dream of hurting another person's feelings. I've never had any trouble in school to do with him being unpleasant. I took a letter in to school this morning to be given to the class teacher, in which I described what had happened and the telephone call I'd had from the boy's Mum. The Mum will probably see the teacher after school today, so, for my position, I wanted to 'get in first' if you like, and explain that my DS didn't mean it the way she's making it sound. I also said to the teacher in the letter that I am happy to see him 'should he feel it necessary.'

I just feel that the other Mum is being completely oversensitive. She did say to me on the phone that she feels that my DS said it without malice, so why then didn't she just explain that to her DS without dragging me and the teacher into it? Okay, it's her perogotive to take it up with me and the teacher, but I do feel it was un-neccesary. It sounds like she's upset her own DS now by over dramatising it.

I have taken my DS aside, and explained a few things to him and told him that I know he didn't mean it nastily, but in future it's best not to pass remarks about other people's culture, race etc.

I think the Mum is going to seek me out after school. Asd far as I'm concerned, the subject's closed. I'm certainly not going to go over it with her again. She was on the phone for about 15 mins last night giving it the bleeding heart routine, and I was trying to dish up dinner. The whole thing has really annoyed me.

Also, how do I know that my DS hasn't just said something in general about the war that has been misconstrued by the other boy? Why should I just take hers and her Son's word for it?

What do others think?

[seeker]

"I often find that there are many posters who can't wait for any opportunity to jump on someone and start puffing out their chests and belittling people."

Er - is this the same as not agreeing with you?!

Just asking!

[MummyPenguin]

No it's not, oh God, I had a feeling that comment was going to get me into trouble - me and my big gob again wasn't referring particularly to this thread even - just saying that we all know what MN can be like at times. Shall we leave it now? Please? or shall we just have a good old fashioned slanging match and get this thread to 1000 posts?

[harrisey]

I think I have to agree with those who have said that this is far too young to be teaching this subject. My dh's Dad is German and dh has a very obviously German name (as do I now!) and he got a lot of stick at school in teh late 70s about being German.

My dd1 was in a very small primary for p1 and all children were in together - the older girls in the class were doing ww2 and obviously she heard a lot of the lessons as she was doing her own work. Though it was dealt with well as far as I can see, she did come home saying things like 'But Opa is German and he's nice' and 'are the Germans allowed to have war memorials like we do?'

I think it is very easy to think of WW2 as long ago and far away now, but there are still a lot of people alive today who were seriously involved in it - dh's Grandma lives in the UK now and she was in the Hitler Youth (because you jusr had to be, a lot of the time, and she was only 15 when she joined and what did she really know?), and dh's Aunt was born in an Air Raid shelter during the firebombing of Dresden. Its too easy to pick up the "Allies Good/Germans Bad" tagline, when, though not on the same scale, we did some pretty ghastly stuff in war (because that is what happens in wars) ourselves.

[cluelessnchaos]

Thats true harrisey, I remember when we were at school we learned about the Highland Clearances when the Lairds cleared the crofters off the land, and the class quickly turned into a rabble as to whos family were arsitocracy and who was a lowly farmer.

[harrisey]

Yes before you know it you are dividing into MacDonalds and Campbells and its Glencoe all over again!

I did hear an anecdotal story of someone who went to a B&B in Glencoe to see a sign "No Dogs, No Bikers, No Campbells" and as she was a Campbell she decided to go elsewhere!

[Cammelia]

Of course children should learn about ww2, most find it extremely interesting. When dd started learning about it we went to see some things in Northern France and she had already learnt some when I took her to Anne Frank House when she was 6.