OK, there are on going issues between a girl in dd's class and dd. From the school and my side we are all satisfied that it is 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. (or at least it was last year)
But this girl, let's call her J, goes home and tells it all to her mum in dramatic terms, and her mum is convinced my dd is bullying her dd. She is getting angry at school for not acting. But the problem is, her dd is lying to her, or and sometimes it has been resolved at school, but her dd forgets to tell her mum that bit.
In May ish time, before I was aware what a problem this was, she knocked on my door and screamed at me about how my dd was bullying hers and she was tired of it, and that on the way home from school my dd had hit her younger son right in front of her.
This was the first I knew of any issues, but I calmly said, if there is a problem of anything has happened, I will punish dd, and I'll take steps that this can't happen again. Basically believed her, and supported her in following it through.
But then dd told me that she was behind the family skipping, and J had told her mum her skipping rope had hit the boy. It hadn't, and mum hadn't seen anything, it was J that told her mum.
I was in two minds, entirely possible dd was making it up to get out of trouble, but she had no reason to hit the boy, and certainly not right in front of his mum.
So, for the next few weeks, dd either walked home a different way with a different friend, or I collected her, or she went to club.
Then, one afternoon on the playground, the mum comes over to dd and me and starts screaming in dds face about how she is tired of dds bullying her daughter etc. I stepped between dd and mum and repeated many times if there is a problem, lets go and talk to the class teacher, head teacher, and resolve it together. She continued to scream at me and made all sorts of accusations about what my dd had done.
The head came out, and escorted her off the playground. Her behaviour was so extreme that she had a letter telling her that if she did it again she would be banned. Dd was very upset and then out came a whole tale of J winding her up at school and deliberately getting her into trouble.
I realised afterwards that half of what dd had been accused of could not have happened as she was not walking home on her own. I was furious that she had shouted at dd, but I had remained calm and insisted that we go in and ask the teacher to resolve the issues between the girls. She was not interested in the school resolving it.
The family live close to us, and so if dd plays out, she often sees J. She is under strict instructions not to play with her and come home straight away if there are issues.
So, this term. On Friday J accused dd of hurting her little brother in the playground. Dd had a witness that she had been playing with someone else all the time. J did not believe her. I just know J went home and told her mum that dd hurt the brother.
Today, J accused dd of throwing her to the ground. Witnesses say it did not happen. J went home and told her mum it did.
After school dd was playing out with another friend. J's mum came up to her and screamed in her face and swore at her. Dd came home upset and told me. While I am wondering how to handle this, another mum phones to let me know she witnessed it and that she will report it to school tomorrow.
How do I handle this? I know that there are times when it is both girls, dd is not always innocent in this, but J tells her mum a pack of lies and mum believes the lot. But either way, there is no way she can scream (and I am not exaggerating, she really does scream) in a child's face, no matter what has gone on at school. I am so relieved another adult saw it.
Do I call police? Do I rely on school to sort it? Do I go round to speak to the mum? (that won't get very far, she'll just scream at me).
I am at a loss to know how to sort this.
I will go in to school in the morning, and will probably be able to see the head, but it is not at school I am worried about, how do I protect dd from this batshit mother?