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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Reading levels, dd needs gagging!

69 replies

BabiesAreLikeBuses · 01/07/2013 19:58

I try so hard not to discuss any of this stuff in the playground and have fobbed other parents off who have asked me...
Today dd was moved up a level. Whoever did so made it clear that she was doing well and that the books with her special sticker on were high for her age and that she had to be taken to the year above to get them...l
After school at the park went up to the mum of one of her classmates and asked what level her daughter was on said mother clearly amused and irritated... Had to have a chat about modesty...

OP posts:

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Elibean · 03/07/2013 14:38

I wish some of you would have a word with dd2's BF. Sometimes her only topic of conversation is 'who is best at writing/reading/sport', and although dd2 is doing really well with everything - no one ever does better than BF, which is not good for morale!

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Elibean · 03/07/2013 14:40

Should say, she's not trying to be mean. She just comes from a family where how well people do is hugely important, and competition anxiety is high.

But she has a huge need to be best. Which is clearly hard work for friends.

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TheOriginalSteamingNit · 03/07/2013 14:41

If you were just proud of what you'd achieved, you wouldn't need to confirm it was better than what your friend had done! So bringing them up not to boast, or stealth boast, is not the same as bringing them up to be ashamed of what they achieve!

You have to model it, for a start...

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Abra1d · 03/07/2013 14:43

I am thinking of implementing the same thing come GCSE results, but it would be impossible, I imagine.

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TheOriginalSteamingNit · 03/07/2013 14:46

I don't think many sixteen year olds would approach their friends' mothers and ask how well they'd done! Which probably goes to show that most people are quite successful in gently suggesting early on that this isn't really quite the ticket!

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Abra1d · 03/07/2013 15:33

Actually they might not approach their friends' mothers but they would approach sisters and brothers if they wanted to know. And mothers, even those you don't know well, are quite capable of asking other mothers what their sons got. Some of the highly competitive families round here think it's open day to find out these details.

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TheOriginalSteamingNit · 03/07/2013 16:15

True... it will be our first results day in this family in August, so we shall see!

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BabiesAreLikeBuses · 03/07/2013 23:19

headinhands i totally agree, it was a great time to up social skills

caffeine although she didn't intend anything by it (she's not generally mean to other kids, quite the opposite if anything) she did tell me later that she thought the other girl was on pink (which she remembered having in sept).

Next time i'll check who is in the park first!

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cory · 04/07/2013 09:34

I am sure she didn't mean to brag. Neither did ds' friend. But because it wasn't stopped but went on and on, it gave ds' confidence a knock that he took years to recover from.

As headinhands said, it's the comparison element.

Ds was a generous and lovely boy who would have been delighted that his friend was happy about something. It was the constant "I am on a higher level than you, you are not as clever, you can't do the things I can, what level are you on?" that got to him.

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xylem8 · 04/07/2013 09:55

GCSEs and A levels are public exams where the results are publicly available, so I can't see the comparison?

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Abra1d · 04/07/2013 11:45

You can't normally look up a student's GCSE results and see all their grades in every subject, not unless you are an educational establishment or an employer. School websites list subject results but don't attach names to them.

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xylem8 · 04/07/2013 13:39

They are published in the local and regional papers here,by student! d

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Abra1d · 04/07/2013 20:39

Whereabouts are you? I haven't seen this in the south of England, where we are (thank God). The local papers will say that x and y did very well and got eleven A*s, but no lists of subjects, and only the top-flight performers from schools, not the whole cohort.

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xylem8 · 04/07/2013 22:13

Local A level results here GCSEs ae also published but usually as a total with the number A-c in brackets , or some schools put the number of As or even the number of As in brackets

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Abra1d · 05/07/2013 08:49

Wow! Nowhere to hide up in Yorkshire.

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afussyphase · 05/07/2013 16:27

My DD did something even worse: saw what book her friend X was reading and shouted "X, that's book's EASY". I pointed out that this was rude. And that X speaks another language at home! At least one bonus is that now DD is interested in learning another language...

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LadyLech · 06/07/2013 10:22

I totally agree with head in hands.

If my DD comes out of school pleased that she has moved up a book band, I am pleased for her, give her a hug and my congratulations. I do the same if on of her friends came out of school pleased they had achieved something, and would expect my DC to congratulate them too.

However, I would not tolerate the comparison, or asking another child what book band they are on because my DC was higher. This would lead to words.

But I think there is nothing wrong with celebrating your own achievement or success. To draw a parallel, a few years back, I was buying a house at the same time as a friend was, except her house was four times more expensive than mine. If she had said "my house is much bigger than yours", then that would have been wrong. But I wouldn't have expected her to keep her house a secret or not to talk about it because she had a much better house than me - that would have been patronising. No, we celebrated her new house, and we celebrated mine. Not everything in life is a comparison - just celebrate the achievement whatever it is, be don't compare! That's my motto

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Taffeta · 06/07/2013 12:18

I have a real problem with public announcements outside the classroom, I won't let my children do it.

The other week I collected DD (6) and she was bawling her eyes out, v unusual for her. The teacher explained that someone was bragging about getting star of the week, DD asked to see it and another child said "I don't know why you're bothering to look at it, you'll never get it" . We also have parents ripping open book bags to look at spelling test results and blocking the door so you can't get to collect your child but the piece de resistance will be next week when the class lists are released ( school classes streamed on ability from Y1 ) and the rush to escape before someone else blurts out to me or my child what classes they are in next year.

We read everything at home, golden rule. It's nobody else's business.

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Periwinkle007 · 06/07/2013 12:32

what a horrible thing for that child to say Taffeta. I have to confess I check what is in my daughter's bag outside the classroom but I stand out of the way and have a quick check we have everything and the reading book looks about right (ie not completely wrong level for what used to but also not scary) but I don't take them out of the bag, just peer in and may ask her a question or she may tell me something. If other people see that as inappropriate I hadn't really thought about it but I don't see why it should bother them. She often happily says she has had a sticker that day or did something good but equally often comes out saying her friends got rewarded for x or y or that so and so did such and such which was really good.

That is hard if they just put up the lists and they are streamed by ability. You would expect them to send home a note first saying which class your child would be in and then put the list up a few days later. our classes aren't streamed and the kids went into their new ones the other day but noone can remember who they are with, no lists of any sort seem to go up so some of it will remain a mystery until september I think although we have tried to work it out amongst us all.