AIBU to want to move out of outer London because ds's nursery/reception is now over 90% kids without English as their first language?

[Noellefielding]

I'm concerned about his language development - whether it could be hampered by being among so many children who are not fluent.

I'm worried about what that will mean for him socially and also my potential for having much of a relationship with families whose cultures are miles away from my own.

I would love to stay for dd who is 8 and doing fine at school (this cultural change has happened very recently and fairly rapidly). And has a good local secondary to go to now it's been rebuilt and totally rejuvenated by good staff and high standards etc.

I love the richness of a multi cultural setting but am nervous of it being somehow detrimental to him. I also am worried about the school becoming predominantly Muslim. I have tons of respect for Islam and the kids are great but I have very liberal views and would certainly not choose a Muslim school for my child because it's not my culture and I am uneasy about some of the cultural messages that are going out from and into this community. Some messages are good, don't get me wrong, but I just wonder how I can feel at home anymore, maybe I just need to relax and accept the world is a global village now and stop wanting to run off to somewhere homegeneous (sp)
I mean NO offence to anyone. I'm genuinely interested in the experience of those who've stayed and those who've gone. I'm not interested in the opinion of hecklers, hope that's ok!

[mrszimmerman]

these are all really useful posts, thanks very much for taking the trouble to post here.

I feel for swash because the school used to be more of a laugh in those respects you describe and now feels not as much fun. But I'm thinking hard about all these things and what matters most.

[nzshar]

In our our area (within M25 but not london) there are 4 local schools. 3 have a good mix but one has a specialised unit for english as a second language. I know when I was looking at school 2 years ago I did not even consider this school. Not for any reason other than my son dosen't need this unit. Therfore this school has become very polarised in their ethinicty cover. I would not be happy if a school such as this was my only choice.

[yentil]

my dd is in a 'white' school in a middle class area in london and she has been excluded from playdates, parties, sleepovers etc (even though both of her parents and herself are british born - but i guess the colour of her skin predominates the colour of her passport)and i really regret sending her there and wished we hadn't moved to zone 5 for 'ofsted rated outstanding' schools and stayed in multi ethnic/cultural zone 3 'at the ofsted rated satisfactory/good' school. i have to spend our precious evenings telling her how beautiful she is and how lucky she is to have family who love and care for her even though the kids at her school think she's just come in on the banana boat!

i myself know that she will be better off in the future because i've been there. she'll not struggle mixing in the big wide world and complain about 'germans'on holiday it just means i have to put extra ground work in now to keep her self-esteem high whilst she runs the gauntlet in her narrow-minded primary school - who yes are the product of white flight - bird of a feather flock together!

[builder]

I think that this is a very brave discussion to have.

My feeling is that multicultural is great. And by that I mean a bit of everything. That is what we have at our school.

However, I would not be so happy (I think) if the school was a monoculture, even if it was my culture.

[builder]

Swash

It can be easy to envy something that you don't have but believe everyone else is experiencing. However, there are probably tensions between parents in the other school that you don't perceive. Plus, the initial euphoria of finding other mums who you think have similar values can wear off when you find out their true beliefs.

My children are at a very mixed school (culturally). The next school along is very similar to the one that you envy. However, the parents at that school don't all share the same views. There are Guardinista types, posh types who are just planning a move the local private school, single mums etc. They may look on the surface more like me (similar age, educational background etc.) but when you get closer, it's not a harmonious gathering each afternoon in the playground.

Make friends for yourself - there are no friendships at the school gates once children start secondary school.

[venni]

Yentil - this is why I lose sleep at night! We are moving from France to London this summer. We are a black-American family. DD has been the only brown-skinned girl in her class in 4 years of schooling in France. I want DD to have a culturally mixed school environment in London. Is it Zone 3 where we must stay to avoid a repeat of the solid white school situation we've had here in France? I think that the cultural change for DD (from France to London) will be enough without having to deal with racial issues (which she never really experienced here in France).

[hester]

It's not that simple, venni - there are some very mixed communities in all London zones. Where were you thinking of moving to?

[Madsometimes]

Actually I think zone 3 is a fairly good bet for multicultural London. Yes there may be a few schools that buck that trend, and I can only speak for SE London, but I cannot think of many monocultural schools.

My children go to a school which is 40% white, 60% non white, mainly black African but others too. Disproportionately not Asian because school is Catholic, but certainly mixed and we are in zone 3. The local schools which are considered to be very white tend to have 60% white and 40% non-white. Any black, white or mixed family should feel like there are others like them in our local schools.

[venni]

hester we are considering moving near Kentish Town (as the French-Eng Bilingual School is there).

[swash]

Thanks for the kind words, builder.

[magicmummy1]

I think diversity in a school is a huge asset. I would be unhappy about dd going to a school where only one group and culture was dominant - whichever group or culture that might be.

Our school is luckily very multicultural, and I see this as a huge positive. As for mum friends for me, there are plenty - I am close to other parents who happen to be White British, but I have also become very close to parents who are Chinese, Pakistani, Turkish, Iranian and Nigerian. It isn't an issue tbh - we're all just parents.

FWIW, we do have quiz nights (I don't go), cake sales (I eat but rarely bake!) and lovely evenings out in pubs and restaurants. I have also found that a number of the non-british families like to host not only dd but me and DH as well. We have had some great evenings like this, and it has been a great experience for all of us to help these families celebrate their various festivals and sample all their foods etc.

OP, if your school is really diverse, your dc won't really be in a minority - they just won't be in the majority. Keep an open mind, and you might find that there are plenty of potential friends for you too! :)

[hester]

You should be fine in Kentish Town, venni!

did you know there's also a bilingual state primary school in fulham?

[southofthethames]

YANBU - I think you should move (if you have the resources to move to a preferred catchment area) to whichever area has the school you feel your child would best flourish in.