I want to send her to a different school. have you ever done it & regreted it?

[Bohica]

DD is in year 2 & since reception she has had on & off problems. I can feel a change in her personality, she looks dispondent & withdrawn & then becomes hyper & imature.
She struggles to form relationships & although I have spoken to the schoool hundreads of times nothing changes & if anything I feel like DD has been labelled "difficult" & left to get on with it.
She no longer receives rewards, stamps, certificates, she used to get them all the time but her enthusiasm to do her work is falling & no-one seems to be picking up on it.

I have the opportunity to move her to a new school in September & just need some reasurance that I am doing the right thing in giving her a fresh chance & not just running away from the issues with the school?

Have you moved your child & if so did it all work out?

[builder]

A school should not label a child as 'difficult' and then ignore their needs.

This is wrong and something that schools should not do.

The problem is, although this behaviour is judged by Ofsted, good sats results can often put rose tinted spectacles on inspectors faces, and these problems get ignore.

[Bohica]

That's exactly what happened to us builder DD had some behaviour prblems in year 1 after DD3 was born & diagnosed with a heart condition. The school initially offered DD some 1 to 1 & did some classroom group work only playing nicely etc (DD was being very bossy, manipulative & full on) but they did nothing about the small group of mums from DD's class who openly told their children not to play with DD as she wasn't very nice & a bully.

They would say these things infront of DD outside the schoolgate in the morning when we stood waiting for the bell, DD would run up & try to play with them & the mum's (3 of them) would say "Emily, come away, you don't want to play with a nasty bully" etc.

I couldn't cause a scene infront of the children so apart from informing the school that it was happening & throwing a few sneaky dirty looks nothing was done about it, infact the schhol allowed one of the mums to work within DD's class.

The school is very sats driven & I have now learnt that for the sake of the children they mean nothing without valuable social skills support from the school.

Thank you for all the replies, they have really helped me make my mind up & sorry about typo's, I'm typing one handed whilst cuddling my sleeping toddler!

[AGlassHalfEmptyNoLonger]

Coming to this late, but I moved my ds 2 years ago, when he was in year 2, after his teacher and senco described him as lazy, feeling that he had no other difficulties at all, and thus failed to support him (he has since been diagnosed with dyspraxia, and we are waiting to see CAHMs due to autistic traits).

What really swung it for me was when I stopped thinking 'Am I right moving him?' and started thinking 'Am I doing right leaving him in this school?'.

Once I realised that I couldn't leave him in the school he was in, I then realised that I had no option but to move him, it was just where to move him to (thankfully his new school is fantastic, and the staff are really approachable, I have regular meetings with the SENCo, and am able to talk to anyone whenever I/he has any problems). On my experience I would say try to find a school that works with the family, not one that sees school and family as separate institutions.

[Bohica]

Anyone about to help me with the council Mid-year application form?

I'm not sure how to word our reasons for leaving without coming across as bitter.

[AGlassHalfEmptyNoLonger]

Am sure you have already done this now, but I put on my form that I had lost faith in the school and their ability to support and teach my child. Looking back, this probably isnt the best approach for you as you are leaving DD1 there, but maybe something along the lines of you feel DD2's needs will be better supported in a larger school with a wider ability range (or something like that - just basically to a school that will better understand and support your DD2's non-academic skills)

[Lancelottie]

The departing school, in our experience, don't care what you put. I don't think our head even read it. He certainly seemed unaware that DS was leaving until the day before (even though someone, possibly his PA, had signed off the forms). I'd leave it bland. If there's a space in New School, they'll do the transfer.

Once you've filled in the forms, you'll need to chase the LA daily, politely asking if they can tell you of progress and whether there's anything more you can do to help, until it's easier for them to deal with your form than keep answering the phone to you. Lovely lady at our LA did ask me why we were really leaving, and when I said I wouldn't like to say quite what I'd like to say about Old School, she said, 'Well, my dear, I could say all sorts of things I'd better not about that school too. I'll do the transfer as soo as I can, don't you worry.'

Should I even mention that Old School if Ofsted-outstanding?

[Lancelottie]

'is' not if

[tulip27]

Bohica, my dd is going through just the same thing. Her problems also, I am sure, started with her over dominant and bullying 'friend'. We are also moving her in sept as although the school has had one to one sessions with her and the ELSA and I have just finished the positive parenting course, nothing has made a difference as this girl knocks at my daughters confidence daily.
Good luck. Lets hope we are doing the right thing.

[Bohica]

I'm back & thank you all for your replies.

Just wondering about DD visiting the new school before we hear back from the council. I really want to hear her perspective on it & although we have driven arround the outside of the school I don't want to get her hopes up with visits incase the council reject us.

[verybored]

Have you asked the school if they have spaces in her year group? If they do, then the council cannot refuse her a place.

WE are moving DTs after haf term. I spoke with new new school who confirmed they had places, then we took DTs to have a look (I already knew the school as DS went there). They loved it and want to move. WE have filled in the form and sent it off and although we have not had a reply yet, everyone is happy for them to start after half term.

If your half term is next week, if you don't hear back today or tomorrow, it's unlikely you'll hear til after half term as the council usually speak with the school to double check numbers before sending the letter.

Could you speak to the new school and ask what they think?

[Bohica]

Hello very I have spoken to the school & they do indeed have spaces in DD's year group. The head said they have the capacity for 60 new pupils within the school for September so does that mean I can take it as given?

I did a pretend school run yesterday without the children (must have looked a right weirdo driving around 3 different schools with no children) and the school run will be tight, 3 children & 3 different schools/nursery but it is certainly do-able & well worth it for DD2.

Have you had to write/speak to the old school & give reasons for leaving them?

[IndigoBell]

If there is a space in that year group the council have to give it to you.

You don't need to put down any reasons at all.

The new HT will ask, and I would tell him/her....

But they have to take you.

[Bohica]

Thank you Indigo I really hope I am doing the right thing for DD, reading all of the positive tales on here really help when my nerves set in. I'm going to arrange for DD to visit after the half term.

[Lancelottie]

Bohica,

DS (the one who was moving on Day 1 of your thread!) says it's the best thing he could have done, and seems a different child. Apparently he's still being teased occasionally (today's thicko award going to the boy who called him 'gay' for talking to girls) but it just seems to be rolling off, as if he's armoured by feeling so much more relaxed.

Early days, but going well so far -- even though he had to wait in the rain for 20 mins today as I was late after picking up his sister!

[Bohica]

Lanc I'm so pleased for both of you You must feel so better knowing you have instigated a new confidence in him.

DD is desperate to make friends & no-one is interested, I found a bundle of "please be my friend" notes under her bed all made for the group of girls who are constantly being told not to play with her

[Lancelottie]

Awwwwwww, your poor little girl. It's so hard being the one who desperately wants friends but can't see how to go about it. Meanwhile, the girl who unkindly tells her followers that they can't be her friend if they play with Becky is always weirdly popular. Makes you want to tie their snooty little heads to the railings by their own plaits sometimes.

Being the new girl at a different school makes a child automatically interesting to the others, at least, and there just might be an equally lonely child there who hasn't quite managed to break into any of the friendship groups. To my amusement, DS seems to have made instant friends with two kids with Aspergers and one with other health problems, all of whom are reported to be delighted to have a pal at last!

[Bohica]

SO. We have received a letter from the council & we have a place at the new school.
DD will do a visit day on Wednesday & as long as DD likes it we will tell the school on Thursday & last day of term is Friday.

What do I say to our school, remembering I'm leaving a yr 4 sister there.

We have had a rough month with the school again & now DH even agrees enough is enough & that DD needs to get out.

I'm happy & scared.

[startail]

DD2S school has several children who have move there because they were un happy else where and the two I know well have settled really well.
Sadly we also lost a couple of very bright children because the old head didn't support them.

[RoadArt]

We have changed schools several times because of relocation and not had any problems.

As your DD is so unhappy then it is worth changing, because sometimes once a child goes on a downward spiral, sometimes a new environment and people can change this.

What does your DD want to do? Is she prepared to change her ways if you change school.

What does the school feel is the issue?

You mention she struggles to form relationships? Are there any clubs she could join that interest her. She may need help in learning how to deal with other children so that you can see exactly what the problems are.


I hope it works out for you

[RoadArt]

Is it worth moving your older Dd as well?

Have you talked to her about the option?

[Bohica]

We won't be moving our eldest DD, she has said she wants to stay as she has friends there & enjoys school & this time next year she will be at the end of y5 & starting to be more independant & walking to school with her friends.

We also have DD3 who is currently in full time nursery inbetween the two schools & will be starting school in 2013 & will go to the new school with DD2.

We have had issues again last week that fortunatly DH got to witness first hand as I was at work & he now agrees DD is given no benefit of the doubt & appears to be cast aside as the bad egg. DH proved that what the school was saying about her was rubbish & received no apology.

DD lets her mouth run before engaging her brain & jumps on the defensive instead of trying to defuse a situation. She is loud and sometimes in your face & needs reining in. That said, she is also very kind & thoughtfull & thrives on encouragement & loves to please.

Her work has taken a turn for the worse & she has stopped trying to be neat & tidy with her work & getting ready for school (doesn't care if her hair isn't brushed or her dress is dirty anymore)

DD is due to go on a school trip on Wednesday & when I realised it is the same day as her new school visit I didn't know what her reaction would be (she loves school trips)

She wasn't fazed one bit about missing it & didn't even say anything more than "can I have school dinners when I go & visit my new school on Wednesday"

[Lonnie]

When we were in a similar situation we stuck to the truth but in general terms so to speak. We wrote something like

as of x date dd2 will no longer attend x school. We have come to this decision after much thought and considerration of the matters that has recently been discussed between the school and us. We do not feel that the school at the moment is the best enviroment for our dd2. We would like to say we have in no way any issues with X teacher and we hope that in a few years time when or ds will be in that relevant year group that she will be his teacher. (it was important of us to make sure the teacher knew she was not the one we blamed - it was the school that let our dyslexic child down her teacher tried blinking hard)

signed..

we handed it in on the Thursday before easter and she started her new schol after easter went on to learn to read in the 5 terms she spend there I have never regretted it.

I will say that we ended up not sending ds to the school as we so fell in love with the school dd2 went to and he started school there. By the time dd3 started school we had moved but with the distance to the issue we had actually decided to not send her to the first school either. So you may surprise yourself and change your mind on where dd3 will go.

Good luck

[probablyveryunreasonable]

I posted previously as verybored and was just about to move my twins. Well they have been there for half a term now and the difference is amazing. It ws definitely the right decision.

In ur letter I just wrote that due to problems with behaviour and violence, we felt that DTs may be better at another school.

I had absolutely no response from the school!

[lostlady]

Yes, have moved child after similar sounding problems, and has been great, am so glad we did it. Lot of agonising first, but really transformed things for us.

[Bohica]

Thank you to everyone, fingers crossed DD doesn't hate the new school on Wednesday.