I want to send her to a different school. have you ever done it & regreted it?

[Bohica]

DD is in year 2 & since reception she has had on & off problems. I can feel a change in her personality, she looks dispondent & withdrawn & then becomes hyper & imature.
She struggles to form relationships & although I have spoken to the schoool hundreads of times nothing changes & if anything I feel like DD has been labelled "difficult" & left to get on with it.
She no longer receives rewards, stamps, certificates, she used to get them all the time but her enthusiasm to do her work is falling & no-one seems to be picking up on it.

I have the opportunity to move her to a new school in September & just need some reasurance that I am doing the right thing in giving her a fresh chance & not just running away from the issues with the school?

Have you moved your child & if so did it all work out?

[Lancelottie]

Gosh, why wasn't this thread here a month or two ago when we started agonising about the whole process? I'm amazed to see just how many people have done the same thing - moved school without moving house as we were feeling very alone and weird for thinking of it.

[Lancelottie]

that was not meant to be crossed out. Will I ever get the hang of dashes and strikethroughs?

[Bohica]

It would be a state to state move & I have filled out & posted the forms to the county council, they will review it after the last half term before September & approach the school to offer us a placement. I have spoken to the school & they do have a space in September.

I like your non-critical leaving letter lance I have no plans to approach the board with my concerns as I will be leaving DD1 at the school, she is very happy & content & would not benefit moving school at all (year 5).

Thank you for all the replies it's been really helpfull to get it all out as I have lots of concerns buzzing around my head & regrets that I haven't started this process sooner

[paddingtonbear1]

Bohica we were fairly honest with the new school, without slagging off the old - basically we said it just wasn't the right learning environment for her, given that she'd struggled since day 1 and hadn't learnt much in yr 1, as the pace was just too fast for her. The new head wasn't too surprised I don't think as she'd already had 3 children come to her from the old school, and enquiries from a few more parents that week!

[Bohica]

Lance I know how you feel, I have spoken to a few close school mums about this & some of them (my hsuband included) think it's a bad idea & that we would be seen to be running away from the problems.

If I had a full time job that I didn't like & noone seemed to like me, received no recognition for hard work & every attempt to socialize with my collegues was ignored I would look for another job that made me feel happy & secure.

[walesblackbird]

That made me smile paddington! When we went to see DD's new school I was struggling to explain why we were moving her without being too critical.

The head smiled, nodded her head and just said "it's okay, you don't have to say it!"

Been there, done that I think.

[Lancelottie]

'Different schools seem to suit different children' is a good response to keep in mind.

We worried about the running away thing too. Then we decided we were overthinking it, as he'd still be going to school, after all!

It's harder if your DH isn't of the same view, though. Has he been to see the other school yet? That swung it with us -- by sheer fluke I couldn't make it to the appointment I'd set up to look round, so DH went instead, and suddenly went from a hypothetical 'Hmm, well, I suppose we could think about it if things get really bad' to 'God, I'd love him to go there instead!'

[Bohica]

I have arranged the visit to the new school to be on DH's day off so we can go togeather. Trouble is, DH works long & hard so doesn't get to see most of the things that go on, he isn't able to attend parents evening & if there is a daily problem/visit to the support worker I go on my own.

DH's approval would be great just incase it is the wrong choice & then I won't have to shoulder all of the blame but I make the decisions mainly for the children & he will accept a move if that is my decision, I'm hoping he really likes the school tbh

[PoppetUK]

We were about to pull DD out because of a few problems but we then moved countries so saved me the hassle. There has been a huge difference. Her teacher now is lovely and fair. She had the teacher at her old school for 2 years. Big mistake!

[PollyParanoia]

I'm so shocked by how many 'outstanding' high sats are so rubbish pastorally. Do you think they deliberately ease out less sat friendly pupils? I do wonder how some schools consistently get 100% across the board when in our school the down syndrome boy was never going to get level 4 (while at the same what he did achieve was more impressive). Really goes to show how specious (right word?) school reputations are.

[Bohica]

It has definatly made me see things differently polly. I chose our current school on ofsted & sats results alone as we were new to the area so had no experience or recomendation to go by. I even over looked the fact that the school is a catholic school & as a family we do not follow a religion, that side of things have not been a problem unless I'm bothered by the fact that only the catholic children get main parts in the school plays, choir, head boy & girl etc which I am not.

Yes the school has high standards & good results on paper but I feel DD's feelings have been neglected & her issues have been labeled instead of helped.

I will certainly be looking at the new school in a different light.

What sort of questions do you think I should ask at the viewing?

[Bohica]

Bumpity bump

[aliceliddell]

I'd ask them what they do if a child is socially isolated. The good school will come up wgith a programme of involving the whole class in discussions on friendship and smaller nurture groups for deeper discussions, including kids with similar problems and kids without to act as model examples. They will also intervene at breaks/lunch/playtime, not just leave a kid to sink or swim alone. They should have a means of working with you, not blaming you for making unnecessary work. Good luck!

[Bohica]

We viewed the new school today & I think it would suit DD much better as it's a larger enviroment with more support workers within the class room.
I explained that DD isn't thriving at her present school & her work is starting to suffer & the head agreed that a move would probably do her the world of good.

I am viewing another school next week before I go back to work & then fingers crossed the council agree to the move.

I'll be back again in a week or 2 asking for help with written a letter to our present school!

[Cordova]

I moved DS in the middle of y1. Was sooo worried about doing it, but it was the best thing I ever did. I only realised quite how unhappy he'd been once I'd moved him and his old personality came back. he cried every day on his first week at the new school, and when I said "are you sad to have left your old school?" he replied " no! I'm relieved!" He'd been in a terrible state and didn't know anything could be done. So in short, I haven't regretted it for a minute. If she isn't happy just get her out of there!

[Cordova]

oh, and I didn't really bother telling the old school the reasons, although I did write. they just weren't interested at all

[pleasekeepcalmandcarryon]

Sorry if I am slightly hijacking this thread.

What are people's thoughts on moving a child for one year. My DS is in year 5 and has recently been dx as dyslexic. He has not been happy for a while and is failing quite badly.
I have reservations as to whether the school will do much for him in his remaining year but...would moving to another school be worth the disruption for the sake of a year, could a year in a different school make a massive difference?

Thoughts welcome.

[AllDirections]

pleasekeepcalm, would your DS be happier at another school? If so then it would be worth the disruption.

[Bohica]

please If you are concerned the I would look into it. A year is a long time for a child & as long as you can find a school able to support him it could be his turning point before senior school.

I worry that DD is causing her own problems with her negative behaviour & then I think her enviroment is causing it

[pleasekeepcalmandcarryon]

Bohica- I understand what you mean about your DD, my DS can be prone to negative thoughts and I flit between thinking his school is causing the problem and thinking that he might be a bit defeatist wherever he went.

Having said that, struggling with undx dyslexia for 5 years would probably make most kids miserable.

It's easy to forget that a year is forever for a child- they seem to be whizzing round for me!

His current school is a large primary 2/3 classes per year. There are a couple of other local to us that are very small and I am wondering if he might fare better in these.

It's so hard to judge because my DD (now 19) moved from a v small primary to a large one and did much better academically.

[Bohica]

Different schools suit different children ,

We are looking to move DD2 from a very small school to a bigger school, I feel there is to much focus on DD2 & not much action on her behalf. She doesn't need diagnosing with anything more than middle child syndrome

In honesty I have probably had enough of it all more than DD2 has. DD2 may have given up becuase school is school & she doesn't know there are other options......

[sunnydelight]

Trust your instincts, I moved both my boys at primary level (one at the beginning of Y5, the other mid way through Y1) for different reasons and it was definitely the right thing to do. When we moved to Oz I pulled DS1 out of his first high school after 7 weeks as I knew we had chosen badly, it was definitely a good move.

I am always keen to stress however that I am making the decisions that are right for MY kids and the fact that a school didn't suit them doesn't mean it isn't absolutely the right place for other kids. Never talk to people about moving your children to "a better school" unless you want to lose friends fast

[southofthethames]

Bohica- a relative's DS went to a school v similar to what you are describing: he went from a happy, jolly, intelligent child to being labelled difficult, socially isolated, "needs to get on with it" and later his mum was told "well, some children are just born slow". He should have been moved earlier but they didn't as they attended the church the school was affiliated with (I suspect there may have been a few parents hinting they were "running away" too) and several years later, he is so miserable, he is even upset at the mention of school that he is homeschooled. Ignore the people who claim you are running away from problems - what nonsense, you are dealing with the problem by moving schools. You do what you have to do until you find a school your DD is happy at and thrives in. Anyway, at infant schools the children change schools for year 3 anyway so this won't be so different.

[southofthethames]

@pleasekeepcalm - if you can find a good school in time for the one year, yes. For young people, even 4 weeks of affirmation and a change for the positive can do a world of good, never mind one year! Go for it!

[differentnameforthis]

We did exactly the same, changed dd from a small school (100 ish pupils) to a bigger one (900 or so) and have not had one moment of regret! She started at the beginning of this yr (Australia, so the new starts in Feb) and is excelling!

The old school let her down hugely I believe! She is almost 8 & has a spelling age of 6 and a 1/2, because her spelling mistakes were never corrected (witnessed by me & the fact that mistakes are all over her old school work & there is NO attempt at rectifying them). At this new school, their spellings, at least 4 weeks a term, are the children's individual mistakes.

Her reading level has shot from 7 to 18. Because she was tested! The old school tested her at the beginning of the year & 'forgot' to do the quarterly testing for her!

She lost interest in her work I think. She never really got the encouragement that she needed, so didn't really try! They had a 'good progress' system in her class, where the pupils got a reward for their efforts. Only one child a week could be offered a 'reward' (lucky dip type thing) and her teacher told me that children like my dd wouldn't get a chance as they had to encourage the slower learners, hence, dd always saw someone else being rewarded, but never her. That was pretty sad to see.

She LOVED maths, was slightly above average in her class at the start of yr 1, but dropped a lot because she was never helped/encouraged to try harder. Is now getting back to where she was. Only time will tell if she starts to excel at it again!

Her teacher (at the old school) admitted that she didn't have time for the 'average' students in her class because more than half the class was SN & she couldn't cope/give everyone the attention they deserved. being a small school, the chances were that dd would be in exactly the same class in yr2, as she was in yr1. And I couldn't leave her to lose even more confidence in her work/self.

I worried she would get lost in the bigger school, but she hasn't. She is doing very well!

If you are happy that this is the right choice, your dd will be fine & will do well. I couldn't not do anything, as it will have been dd who suffered in years to come, with an inadequate education!