2nd week of secondary school and my y7 daughter has been called a ‘sheep’

[Pinkosspo]

2nd week of secondary school and my y7 daughter has been called a ‘sheep’

My daughter has very curly mixed race hair and one of her staple hairstyles has always been a high pony table which she loves and is easy & practical for the mornings.

During her first week she had bunches and told me that she was worried to have a high pony tail as there is another girl with similar hair type, (albeit) blonde who had been wearing that hairstyle. This child is a very dominate, loud, feisty type who my daughter admires but is also (I think! A bit scared of. They all part of same friendship group - which is another issue as I would prefer her to be friends with some of the calmer, more stable children. However; she’s told me that she’s tried with other kids but they ignore her.

It’s upset me that my daughter felt she couldn’t wear her hair how she wanted to and I also wanted her to see she was overthinking and worrying over nothing.

I styled her hair in her fave high ponytail style only for her to comeback home telling me that this child has whispered to another child that she was a ‘sheep’

I know it seems pretty harmless but I’m so sad that she’s already been labeled and that my beautiful daughter can no longer wear her hair proudly - in a very standard style. I am also now concerned that this other child sees her as a vulnerable target and the name calling may get worse.

It’s surprised me that an 11 year old can be so immature but then I’ve heard girls are nasty and vicious on secondary… but it’s only week 2! She’s still finding her feet.

The other sad thing is that my daughter likes this other girl and a few of the other bigger characters. She’s drawn to them for some reason.

Any advice/tips would be super helpful? Ive told her to take no notice and it’s clear the other girl is jealous that my daughter has such lovely hair too and that’ll blow over. She’s wearing high pony again today so hopefully she’s not too affected although she was sobbing last night.. 💔

She’s very confident with her hair and chooses her styles.

Factual comebacks are always good and showing up the person. Like “You can’t copyright a ponytail, you know Ariana Grande has been wearing a high ponytail for years did x copy her?”

She just needs to give a comment t like "mean girl" thinks she invented the ponytail! Roll her eyes then ignore!
It's a horrible age, my DN just started high school and we had all the same worries you do!

Jeez! I can't be arsed with responding to stupidity. I teach my dc to look at anyone who says stupid things like they're barking mad, say something like "wow!weird" and walk off. I'm not going into a witty comeback fight with anyone who isn't worth it. That's exactly what they are. It's not even worth a response.

Teach her to practice not giving a rat's behind about what unkind people say. Responding to them gives them power to keep coming back because they think they have your attention. They're attention seekers so starve them of that.

Give them a disgusted look, mutter loudly to yourself how weird they are for saying something so foolish and unintelligent, then move on. Leave them feeling stupid by themselves.

That's crap.

But honestly they'll find something. I remember in high school I couldn't do much with pride - there was always someone ready to say your new hairstyle is boffy; your pe trainers aren't nike; your talent show performance was unusual; your shirt is too long.

If she changes the hair back maybe they have another name for that - who knows

Id say that there are some people who are just miserable and there's no point changing your beautiful hair because theyre the problem not your hair.

And if name calling wasnt a one off then report it (talking to her first).

I have a very slightly different take. This obviously wasn’t a kind remark by the other girl but in the grand scheme it isn’t that big a deal. I would (as well as trying to help your daughter shrug it off as others have suggested) try not to make too much of this. Secondary has these moments and you can’t completely “fix” everything all the time. I would encourage her not to make this into a huge thing in her own mind. When similar has happened to mine I try to be a bit “oh how daft, she’s not so nice, it’ll blow over though, let’s make some biscuits” vibe verses “oh how awful you must be really worried, I wonder what style we should do now, tell me all the gory details again and let’s talk about how hard it was” vibe.

I think this is a storm in a teacup, ignoring it is the best way

Pray this is the worst she will experience in her school career.

Not a thing to be talking to the teacher about, kids name call each other all the time. Next week it will be someone or something else.

I wouldnt teach her a load of arsey come backs, it might bite her on the bum. All she has to say is, oh ok. Or I like a pony tail

Although me personally I love bunches but thats neither here nor there.

You can’t counter the arguments, or say sarcastic things back, because that’s a sure fire way to signal that you’ve been hurt by it and that is a button they can press at any time. Far better to rise above it, carry on as you were and try and subtly move away and find another friendship group.

Also some schools have anti racism policies that specifically include behaviour towards hair so you may wish to look on the school website for that. If there is a racism element the nasty little cow should be put back in her box by the school leadership and this policy could be key.

I know this is a sleeping thread but I've stumbled across it through association and am curious how things played out.

Also, to say that a book called 'Bullies, Bigmouths and So-called Friends' really helped my children cope with some of this stuff.

I'm always trying to tell my DCs that they know the truth. If someone else is saying stuff that isn't the truth then that's their choice. The truth that your DD knows is the rock she stands on while the turbulent water swirls around her. If she remains unaffected it should pass by.

Probably should have linked to @Pinkosspo 🙄

How about? “Get fucked Sarah, you think you invented or own the high ponytail!? You’re not Ariana fucking Grande!”

Not even slightly subtle 🤣🤣

This is a guide for *how to show someone their comment got to you and other tips to show your vulnerability.

OP, she just needs to completely ignore it and carry on. No "comebacks" required.