AIBU for not letting my 12 year old daughter stay out in a park past 7pm on a Sunday?

[HiddenB]

Hi,

So, as the title suggests my daughter and her friends 1 girl and 2 boys went to a park 3 mins down the road. They were originally hanging at my house after being out since lunch and at around 6.30pm I asked what they were up to as I wanted to start dinner. Boys said they were going home and daughter and friend said they will walk them to the park so they can get the bus. I was fine with this as it is close by. 40 mins later and the girls haven't come back. I called multiple times to replies of 'it's fine' and 'we'll be back soon' (when she first went out I had asked her to be back for 7) Well, I get to the point where I feel disrespected so I drive to the park and tell them that it's time to go. I then drop her girl friend home. I know I embarrassed her and she was angry at me for it which was to be expected but she talks with conviction and I now feel like I was being overprotective but too me it just didn't feel right that she was in a park in the dark at 12 years old (nearly 13) should I chill or did I do the right thing? For context she has reached puberty and was wearing a boob tube and leggings (I am not happy about this but I have to pick my battles with her as she's very strong willed) Also, I want to add that her friend seems to be allowed out until 9pm which I think is too late and doesn't help.

You are fine. Not only did you set a reasonable curfew but you also had reason as said it’s for dinner.
she knows now that you will pick her up in front of friends so hopefully won’t press again

Doesn't matter what the time set is, she needs to stick to it. She can't ignore you.

Id say 7:30 absolutely latest. But only if she can show that she can be trusted to come home the time she is told. Any more late/ignoring and she can't go to the park.

She sounds like my DD. I’ve had to really work on the timings thing. The rule is not flexible when it’s getting dark. But as a PP said, even if I say 2pm I expect her back at 2pm for whatever the reason. I’m ok with them hanging out and wandering - park or shopping centre. But I expect her to be back when I’ve asked. Sometimes she asks if she can stay out later. Sometimes I agree and she comes back at the new time. Sometimes is a blank no as we have stuff to be doing and she has to be back. She loses track of time easily. But she’s very good at keeping me updated with texts if she’s moving location from where she’s said she’s going for example. A text asking if it’s ok to go to Xs house or different park etc. again sometime times it’s a yes from me and sometimes it’s a hard no.

Nope it’s dark by 7 or very nearly around here. What is she doing in the park? I’d be worried about shagging and drinking/drugs. I know they can do that anywhere if they really want to but they need protecting from themselves at that age.

I’d be telling her if she thinks that was embarrassing, next time I’d be picking her up
in my pyjamas and slippers with a face pack on my face.

there’s a time for negotiation and that’s when
boundaries are discussed/set down not after curfew. Decide who’s in charge, you or your daughter.

7pm is early in my opinion. But if you gave her a set time then she should stick to it. Thats the issue to work on. But yes, I have a 12yo nephew and hes out til 8 / 8.30pm which all his friends are the same. If you had a boy would you feel differently?

The issue isn’t the time. The issue is you made an agreement with her about something and she broke that agreement. And then she went on to ignore you and disrespect you. Basically she has shown you that you cannot trust any promises she makes you. That’s the conversation you need to be having with her.