Please help - my ten year old daughter’s diet is so poor

[funkmonke]

Since my daughter was small, she’s been the fussiest eater and because shes always been tiny in size we just let her eat what she wanted and what we could get inside her rather than letting her go hungry as that what she would do!! And going to school day after day or to bed with an empty stomach seemed for more detrimental than letting her eat what she wanted as she couldn’t afford to lose any weight. We were told my gps and psychologists that she would get less fussy as she got older and to not make a big deal about it.

anyway: here we are at 10.5 years and her diet consists of:

Breakfast:
pancakes and golden syrup (4 times a week)
piklets and jam

lunch:
roast chicken sandiches, salad leaves, brioche
strawberries
crisps
yoghurt (sometime)

dinner:
pizza express pizza
chicken fish goujons or burger and chips
Salad leaves
cucumber

This is all she’ll eat day after day after day…

im worried about her health going into puberty and also going to secondary school and how she’ll cope in the adult world if she can’t have simple easy lunches like pasta and jacket potatoe and cereal / toast for breakfast.

she also has a residential trip in September where the only food will be what’s there. I’m so worried about her being starving hungry!!!

does anyone else have any idea what I can do to encourage her to eat more? She seems to have phobia and very over sensitive to diff tastes and textures

anu other breakfast ideas?

we’ve tried cereal, porridge, eggs, toast, croissants

thanks in advance!

xxxxx

Give her a daily multivitamin and try not to worry.

I've tried getting my DD with autism to cook things in hopes she will eat them and she refuses and wants me to eat them instead. For her, it doesn’t work.
Apart from pancakes and pasta that she would not have any problem with anyway. She will randomly begin cooking when I am not paying attention and will eat them, to the detriment of a meal. I have had to try to just accept that it’s good that sbe is eating.

Maybe one thing to discuss with your DD is texture. Mine said she would eat or at least try some things chunky soups or chunky pasta sauces, if they were blended smooth. Or talk about whether it’s easier to eat things that are separated on the plate, or better to be all mixed up together. That could be a way of expanding the menu?

I would offer other foods alongside what she's comfortable with and role model eating them. Put NO pressure on, but be consistent in offering new things. A lot will get thrown but eventually she will hopefully accept them. It's pointless trying to convince a child to eat new things but you can role model and make sure the mealtime environment is fun and pressure free. Maybe involve her in the cooking process etc?

I was exactly like this at this age. My mum eventually just backed off and left me to it. I never went hungry, you'll be surprised how little kids can eat and feel full. She also has a relatively good selection in her foods that she'll eat. Make sure she's getting a really good multivitamin and leave her to it. When I started secondary school I just suddenly changed - likely to do with puberty and my body knowing it needed more variety. Now as an adult there is very little I won't eat (peaches, English tea and gammon are literally the only things I refuse to touch). I'm sure she'll be fine xx

This is definitely a lot better than I expected from the title, it doesn't sound like a particularly bad diet at all. Offer things with no pressure, as that will immediately put her off.

I would look at breakfast and fruit and veg. With the pancakes, do they need to be a certain type? Otherwise can you add things like banana, some wholemeal flour, protein to fill her up more etc? Can you add fruit or yoghurt on the side as an optional extra?

One thing that works with my kids, is growing our own food. My eldest would be horrified if I suggested he eat a shop bought courgette, but will happily eat ones we grow. You could find strawberry and cherry tomato plants in any garden centre now, which are low maintenance and easy to snack on. Things like cress and pea shoots can be done on a windowsill in a very short timescale.

This lady worked wonders for us https://theplumpantry.com/about/

I wonder if you could try very small experiments with the food she already eats- would she try a tiny bit of pepper on her pizza or some fruit compote with her pancakes? If the pancakes aren’t homemade, could you have a go at making them with her- not so much from a health perspective but just getting her interested in food a little bit.

Having said that, I was an exceptionally fussy child and like many others I grew out of it as a teen. I did things like guide camp and tbh just went a bit hungry for a few days and it was fine!

This doesn't look bad at all. My diet was terrible as a child. Half a piece of toast for breakfast, grated carrot and grated cheese followed by treacle sponge for lunch, then sweets, snacks etc. my favourite dinner was McDonald's!
She clearly hates the texture of cereal and porridge, I know I do. Can she eat bacon or sausage sandwiches?
I guess maybe encouraging fruit, get some nice ripe pineapple, melon, mango and cut them up. She might go for that maybe?

Nothing happened, I was just able to slowly experiment on my own, without intense comments (however well meant).

bebodypositive.org.uk/module/avoidant-restrictive-food-intake-disorder/session-1/#1832_11 might be handy

Could you try and get her on side to change things ahead of the residential? I assume she is keen to go. Tell her that in order for her to go you need some reassurance that she won't starve. Explain that in situations like residentials the food might be different to he usual and even if she doesn't enjoy it you need to work on finding things that she could tolerate. If possible get a copy of the menu and work to find elements of meals she might be able to tolerate. For example if she will eat chicken in a sandwich and chicken goujons then chicken in other forms would be a good place to start. If she could get to a stage where she could pick chicken out of a sauce or stir fry that would see her well through a residential. Look at potato in the same way. If she will eat chips, make homemade chips with her then get her to make homemade roast potatoes. That way she will see just how similar the two are.

Hey OP, lots of advice to say you shouldn't worry, but remembering back to when my now fully grown adult son was young, it felt awful that his food choices were so restrictive.
Also, coz I was a single mum, I also felt the pressure from (some) judgemental people.
That can make you question yourself so badly... I do get your frustration.
I don't know how time limited you are, or if you have a space to grow a few veg in pots or hanging baskets if you live in a flat for instance.
Maybe if she could be involved in potting up the seeds and watering, caring etc, that may trigger an interest in eating differently.
If say you plant a few tomato seeds, watch a YouTube video with her to teach you both easy ways to achieve it... then you could both look up health benefits of eating tomato's... it may also serve as an English subject project for school?
The residential trip will obvs make you worry, but give it a go if she's showing she wants to.
I lost count of the times my dc was being childminded whilst I was at f/t work... and the minder said (for instance) "ooo, he's so good at the table and loves his peas"
You've guessed it ... he NEVER ate peas at home !!!!
Good luck, and all you can do is remain as calm as you have been, and keep trying in a subtle way...

Would she have a smoothie? You can slip in lots of extra goodness in a smoothie, including vegetables.

I say this as the parent of a child who is also a major picky eater. It is HARD.

Does anyone have a smoothie recipe that has been well tolerated?

Also which multi vitamin is well recommended?

Im someone who was a fussy eater until 18 and now has the joy of parenting a fussy eater. The best you can do is leave her be and make sure you eat healthy foods so she is familiar with them. She may not choose to eat them now but is more likely to choose those foods as an adult.

If your working on anything then it should be adding variety with foods similar to what she already likes. So if she’s in to pancakes and picklets try buying crumpets. If she likes chicken nuggets try chicken goujons. It’s about expanding her options within her comfort zone.

And send her to the residential with a few packs of pancakes and biscuits in her bag to keep her going!

My 10 year old is similar (although replace jam with chocolate spread, and salad leaves with sweetcorn and green beans), and only eats fruit for lunch at school.

It's not a battle I'm prepared to fight with him - because I very much get the impression it's about control not tastes (eg. he'll eat chips, but not roast potatoes, which are THE SAME THING). And he's so stubborn that there's just no point going head to head on it. I've just backed off entirely (apart from eating some of his veg at every meal - that's non-negotiable)

Sometimes he's in a good mood and forgets he's said he doesn't like something and will try it and we get to add it to the rotation (eg. sashimi). He's prioritising protein, there are fresh fruits and veggies there like yours.

He's starting to notice that when he hasn't eaten he gets tearful, so I'm waiting for that to filter through and help him to realise that he needs to eat more appropriate stuff at appropriate times and a fruit-only lunch isn't ideal by the end of the school day....

You need to work out why she won't eat other things, is it textures or a taste thing, if so cook different foods in different ways to get eg doesn't like skin on fruit, remove it, doesnt like crunchy carrots boil them longer, doesn't like big bits of vegetables, cut them smaller, doesn't like peas, put one in a known dinner and then slowly (and I mean over months) change to increase when they are comfortable with the accommodations made. Changing diets for children who are fixed in their eating is a long slow journey and takes a lot of patience and effort. Your DD seems ok with some textures that I know my DD doesn't accept or has only recently accepted, except I wouldn't be happy with the pizza/burger/chips/nuggets. Also to say their tastebuds change all the time and especially I found around 11 where they seem more open to trying things. Also going to other people's houses/camps is a good thing as you will find they will eat food there, they tell you they won't at home

It’s ok for the posters saying they eat what we eat, or there’s nothing else, but they don’t have a child that really will let themselves go hungry.

Ds is 7 with ADHD and is medication (so has appetite suppressant) and he has in my opinion a very limited diet.

i tried all the eat what we are eating or nothing at all approach, what did I end up with?

• a child who would go from 12pm (school dinner) until 8am the next morning with nothing to eat at least 4 times a week.
• an anxious child over food, who was worrying every day what was going to be for tea and if he would like it.
• As soon as he came out of school, he would be panicking about what was for tea.
• he would beg me to make something he liked (that was unhealthy)
• he told teachers at school he was refused food at home (he wasn’t allowed anything else if he didn’t eat what I had made for the family)
• he would cry at the table with the food in front of him for ages, and still not touch it
• he lost weight

now I was determined to see this out, I never gave into him at the time. This didn’t go on for a few days, it went on for 6+ months!

I went on a ADHD workshop and explained all this to them and they told me that children with ADHD very often have sensory issues too, usually food and to just give him what he wanted to eat, otherwise as I was finding out, it was causing other issues too.

so the saying that I used to believe “a child will eat if they’re hungry, then won’t let themselves starve” is simply not true.

My ds practically lived on baked beans and fish fingers in the 70’s. She grew out of it eventually!

My dd is very similar, I sympathise.

We make our own mini pancakes with blitzed oats, mashed banana and egg. This means they don't have extra sugar. My dd will also drink smoothies so we out a dollop of greek yogurt in, and if you do Melon and kiwi you can get away with adding spinach. She has a multivitamin every day. She will eat any kind of soup if totally smooth so we have homemade soup and cheese on toast once a week and I can pack that with veg / beans / lentils and she won't know. Chopped veg sticks with lunch every day....like a starter. Full fat greek yogurt with fresh fruit and honey seems to keep her happy as a desert. We are gradually branching out. She won't really eat meat but also hates veg too. It's such a challenge.

I was a terrible eater as a child. Only ate cereal, toast, ham sandwiches and certain things on toast for tea like eggs or beans or hoops. Wouldn’t entertain pizza, veg, pasta, roast dinner etc. would eat fruit and loved biscuits and chocolate.

I had a school trip in year 6 and my mum packed me a pack of digestives to eat if I got hungry. I think she knew I absolutely wouldn’t eat what was for tea and would rather be hungry so put them in just in case.

I was really scared of new foods and weird about texture and some foods touching other food (my beans could not touch my toast. Ice cream could not be with jelly etc). I’m neurotypical, you can have food sensory issues and not be ND.

anyway, happily, im now an adult who eats a lot more. I eat a lot of veg, all normal meals like curry, spaghetti bolognaise and roast dinner. It took time but I gradually tried more and more and probably was a lot more ‘normal’ with food by the time I had my son in my mid twenties. So don’t worry there is hope!

Just to share my experience, my now adult son would only eat pancakes, sweet and sour and yorkshire puddings. The more I tried to encourage him to eat other things the more stubborn he became. In the end I left him to it and his diet gradually improved. I mever commented when he tried anything new, but would just say "That's good" when he said something was nice.
As an adult he has turned into a proper foodie, he is always cooking something new, trying different cuisines and on a recent trip to Japan was trying all sorts of different things.
I'd try to stop worrying about it and give it time.

My ds (15) has always rejected certain foods (sloppy food and meat) and was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder at 8. He eats a restricted but fairly healthy diet but it is extremely carb heavy and the only protein he eats is cheese and eggs in pancakes. His body seems to have coped fine and he is as tall as his Dad. When he was about 13 I managed to persuade him to have some tomato sauce on his pasta (previously he only had butter, cheese and chopped chives) but that's about the only shift in his diet that I've achieved. He also started drinking kefir in the last year after trying a mango lassi in an Indian restaurant. I've tried to create as much variety as possible in the food types he does eat so different fruits and raw vegetables. He eats reinforced cereals like weetabix and has a multi vitamin every day. I wouldn't worry too much op. I admire people who do the eat it or starve approach but I couldn't have done this knowing he has a genuine feeling of nausea and distress when faced with certain foods textures and smells.

As others here, just writing to reassure you that they can change in time! My son would only eat beige food at your daughters age - fish fingers,chips,chicken nuggets etc and his school lunch every day til he was 15 was a jam and peanut butter sandwich (sliced white bread), a bag of crisps and a kit kat. No matter how I tried I couldn’t get him to eat any fruit or veg and it caused me endless worry.
It all changed when he went off to uni - I can still remember the shock I had when he asked for a coffee on his first visit home as until then it had always been chocolate milk or squash
He is now a very fit and active 30 year old, very well travelled and will eat anything put in front of him - including curries and chillies hotter than I can manage! I wish I’d know then what I know now, it would have saved me endless sleepless nights.

I don’t think that’s too bad OP. Out of interest has she tried different curries and dishes from other countries yet? Reason I ask is I was labelled a fussy eater as a kid but as soon as I started trying food my family didn’t really eat things changed a lot.

Do you make the pancakes yourself? Worth adding a bit of protein powder to the mix when you’re making them?

I’m a bit of a pizza fiend myself and have had to stop eating it as often. Try making them with flatbreads if you don’t already as an alternative. I’ll occasionally have a tortilla pizza https://cookieandkate.com/simple-tortilla-pizzas/

Has your daughter tried Caprese or Bruschetta yet? Not too hard to put together at home and very similar ingredients to pizza naturally.

I’ll +1 the suggestion of Greek yoghurt. Seeing as your daughter likes strawberries, I’d really recommend FAGE yoghurt with some strawberries, which I eat for breakfast and sometimes lunch. I’ve seen they do individual flavoured FAGE pots, which might be a good lead in to just plain yoghurt. It’s a great source of protein.
I started eating it most days about a year ago after being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes; I’m currently back in the pre diabetic range. A nutritionist I saw privately recommended introducing it into my diet. I eat the 5% fat one, which is very filling and the texture is very creamy. The 2% fat one, which I only seem to find in Waitrose local to me, is also very nice.