just cant handle DS(10) anymore

[mumstheword1982]

DS is 10, 11 in the next month and I just cant stand to spend time with him.
He has ADHD which makes his impulsivity worse, but I cant speak without a rude remark or back chat, he is the same with my DH. He is awful to my DD too (she is 9). he is always on the want for something, an ice cream as we pass a shop, a later bedtime etc., every 5 minutes he is asking ( i say no)

I need advice on how to manage him and help him become nicer again, or is this it until he comes out of the teenage years? because if yes, I cannot cope! he makes me feel like I'm not cut out to be his mum anymore, and I'm short tempered with my DD as a result too so I'm no good to anyone

he is upsetting the whole family and tonight I lost it and was really unkind to him and told him no one wants to be around him anymore and I wish he would leave - really awful and I feel horrendous about it but I snapped.

tips on staying calm and dealing with this much appreciated

Have DH take him to boxing club then. It shouldn’t be all on you to do all the after school running around. Boxing club can be a weekend thing if your DH works late.

Think about a babysitter and respite evenings for you and DH both together and separately. Having the couple and me time for both of you will mean your tolerance window for his disability will refresh and you will find yourself less stressed.

I agree. It has to be distressing for him as well as the family when the medication wears off and he starts getting these uncontrollable impulses and the chatter of his brain starts distracting him. I’m sure he wants the family to want him around. It’s affecting all of you, including him.

Hi ya love, I understand my now 22 year old son has autism and adhd, I phoned social services soooo many times and wanted to throw in the towel! He was like a wild hyena as a child then a violent abusive teen who smashed my house up I even once went to have my bruises recorded by a doctor to cover myself incase things escalated it was like being in a domestic violence situation. 5 years ago I invested some money into hes passion ' gaming pc ' it gave a reclusive person daily conversation with somebody hes own age, then we got him the right medication and I'm happy to say he's actually WONDERFUL company down hes great today and I'm glad I didn't give up this will pass! This WILL be a passing memory my Advice is find out what he's passionate about it couid be boxing/climbing/anything and indulge it adhd sometimes requires an outlet 🙂

I support a child in school who, amongst other things, has ADHD. I'm not an expert in ADHD by any means but I have tried lots of strategies to help her and would agree with those mentioned here. 1,2,3 in particular works well.

There are two other things that are particularly helpful. The first is choices between two things. So, if we're working one to one, I will give her a choice of which if two planned activities she wants to do next. She loves this. It also works with discipline. If there's something she doesn't want to do, I give her a choice of now or in her break time. Once she's thought about it she usually decides to do it in lesson. Or if she wants to lash out I set out the consequence of, say hitting and the consequence of not hitting clearly for her. She then usually makes the better choice.

The other thing that really helps her us take up time. If it's time to start an activity, I will count her in: 'you're going to pick up your pen in 5. 5,4,3,2,1.' I can't believe how well this works. She also likes being given a set time to do things, so it's like a race. 'I'm going to give you two minutes to...' and she enjoys it.

I sometimes pair up the two, so I give her a set time to make a decision.

It might sound very regimented but she likes it because there's less talking and persuading which gets her in a twist. It's clearer for her.

Also, sometimes I just have to recognise when I'm not going to win and let her obsess for a bit over whatever has caught her attention. You can't win 'em all.

I'm sure you're a great mum. The kid I work with is great too but she is absolutely exhausting.