Is it unusual, as a parent, to feel so sad at the start of high school?

[resipsa]

My eldest has just started high school. Walks herself to and from. Has gone out and about with friends after school already. Chats to them by video when she gets home. In short, she is loving it. I am, of course, delighted that she seems happy and to be coping easily with the transition but I feel so much sadder (as in tearful) than I expected as if it suddenly has hit home that she is slipping away from me. For those who are a year or two on, is this a typical reaction and does it recede? Even typing this made me cry. I need to get a grip! None of my friends in the same boat appear to be feeling quite the same way.

Hi I could have literally have written this myself. In fact I'll be honest I haven't been on this site since my kids were babies. However I've hit a new hurdle I have a 17 year old son, 13 year old girl and my youngest is in year 6. I must admit I've been holding on to her being my 'baby' but it's no longer sustainable. I have no friends or mums around me that feel like I do (broody but over the hill and feeling like I will be redundant soon) which is why I thought I'd try getting back on here in the hope that someone understands how I feel. It sounds silly but I feel bereft that I'll never hold my child's little hand and walk the to school again. Maybe I'm just told hormonal lol x

My eldest has just started secondary school and I don't feel like this! He is thriving and I am really happy about that. It's an adjustment for sure - but it doesn't make me tearful, no.

Wait until it's your youngest then see how you feel 😂😂

More seriously when my oldest reached these milestones it was somehow more upsetting than the younger ones. My youngest is next to go to secondary school, so I'm expecting floods of tears from myself when she does. Yet I'm so much more fed up of her primary now than I was with the oldest so maybe not.

Yes, very normal, its the end of an era. The kick for me was the induction meeting for parents, when the headmaster talked about his job being to make them independent, ready to go out into the world alone! Of course he was right, but it was a knife twist. Its amazing to see them develop through senior school, but suddenly they aren't babies anymore. Now my eldest is at college I feel very redundant.

Wait till they go to university!

sorry, that wasn’t helpful! In short the answer is yes, for me it was most obvious with my first. I was really happy for him then once he actually started I felt really sad for a while. I think you just have to bear with it - and try it to
show it to your daughter if you think it’s affect here.

I'm in exactly the same situation coupled with the fact my DD suddenly doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore! She seems happy enough but is always shut away in her room. If I try and make conversation I get one word answers. Just a few months ago things were very different. We were so close. I have this real sense of bereavement for the little girl she was. It's very hard - I didn't expect this so soon. Like you say they're slipping away.

I think it's not unusual to wistfully think of things you used to do in the past that your child has now grown out of. However this would be a momentary fleeting thought. Wanting to cry about it is pretty extreme.

However, gaining independence is a gradual thing, I'm not sure I would say that I noticed a huge change just because DC had started secondary school. I'd maybe consider how much your own life is intertwined in what DD does - is it the absence of something in your own life that's actually making you sad?

Yep. Mine are 11 and 13 and the childishness in them is slipping away. They increasingly turn to their friends rather than us, which is as it should be, but feels sad. I look wistfully back on nativity plays and hometime and painting and holding my hand!

I felt that way op with all 4 of mine. I did surprise myself by just being happy and relieved primary school was over when no 4 left

"However, gaining independence is a gradual thing, I'm not sure I would say that I noticed a huge change just because DC had started secondary school"

This and I think the system is part of the problem creating an unnecessary and abrupt transition from primary to secondary. Worth remembering that it doesn't happen like that in other parts of the world and education systems. Even here, some of the private schools offer a middle school stage or 'transition' years for example so it's not such a leap.

It's great that your DC is settling in well but her need for your love and guidance won't have vanished overnight because she started a new school.